


Frozen: VIce

by IyanSommerset



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Gen, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 75,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21541357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IyanSommerset/pseuds/IyanSommerset
Summary: Queen Elsa of Arendelle wakes up to find herself trapped in a strange cell with no memory of recent events. Without Anna, without Kristoff, without Olaf. Without her magic. Together with the help of a mysterious woman, Elsa must find out what happened to her. She must remember what she did before it becomes far too late. For her, and for Arendelle.
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Kristoff (Disney)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Awakenings (Everything in its Right Place)

"Elsa, open your eyes."

The soft feminine voice caressed her ears like a gentle whisper and slowly tickled her mind awake.

Slowly, the world came back piece-by-piece as she mentally crawled out of the thick haze of deep slumber. Above her was the grey, mottled ceiling of her room - except it wasn't her room at all. In place of the painted livery of her personal quarters was the drab, natural roughness of barely-lit hewn rock.

' _I must have fallen asleep working again,_ ' she thought as she rolled her head to one side to stare at the same unpolished rockwork that also formed the walls of the room. As soon as the weight of her head rolled beyond the cushion of her thick hair, she felt her cheek touch cold, hard stone.

Elsa sat up to realize something was wrong. So terribly wrong. Wherever she was, it was uncomfortably dimly-lit. Her eyes flicked around until they were drawn to a tiny spot of light a few feet away from her. The light was coming from a small oil lamp that sat in the middle of a very crude wooden table several arm lengths away. The only problem was the set of thick iron bars that stood between her and the table.

Panic hit her as she tried to crawl backwards, almost immediately hitting the cold, stone wall with her back. With what meager light the lamp accorded, she could see that she was in some sort of cell, no more than a few feet from wall to wall. The only piece of furniture present was the stone slab upon which she awoke. That, and a grimy wooden bucket that sat on the floor against the wall in the far corner. ‘Far’ being a relative term, she realized as she drew her legs in to avoid touching the stained wood.

“No, no, no!” Elsa forced herself up and rushed forward and tightly grasped the bars that kept her prisoner. They wouldn’t budge, the cage wall being firmly anchored to the stone floor. For a moment, she considered squeezing through them but they were spaced just far enough to let a leg through but not her head or chest. “Help!” She screamed as she tugged futilely at the metal rods. Elsa felt confused. Among the cloud of words and fears that swam in her head, one stood out among the rest. Ice.

Of course, she remembered. She was the snow queen of Arendelle, with mastery over ice and cold. These bars couldn't hold her, she thought to herself as she concentrated on freezing the metal into brittleness. It had worked once before, when she was chained in the dungeon beneath the castle during the great freeze. It took her some time but the metal bonds that held her cracked open, brittle with the cold. She gripped the iron bars tightly and willed them to freeze. Nothing. No snowflake patterns crawled across the dark, grey metal. She held her hand out, palm upwards and commanded the ice. Nothing. No ball of snow crystallized above her hand. It wasn't as if it wasn't just working. The magic was just not there.

"Help! Help! Somebody! Guards!!!" She shouted in panic, wondering how her magic had failed her. As well as being an ice sorceress, Elsa was the ruling queen of Arendelle, and had been for a few years now. The guards should come. If this was still Arendelle. Her eyes widened and brows knotted as she fought back tears at the thought. She couldn't possibly be far from the castle, if these weren't the dungeons. She hadn't been down there…here? - since the week of her coronation, when she had frozen the kingdom and ran away, only to be dragged back home in chains. Everything worked out fine after that, and she never ventured back down there. They simply held too many bad memories. This looked nothing like she remembered.

A thought occurred to her. "Anna?" She called her sister's name. Ever since they had reconnected after her coronation, Princess Anna had returned to her playful self. Always pulling the queen into crazy situations and pulling pranks. But Anna's pranks were always harmless, benign. Nothing like dragging her sister and locking her up in the dungeons as a joke.

Besides, even as light as she was, the queen was far too heavy for her sister to carry. She would have required help, from someone stronger. Someone accustomed to carrying large, heavy objects. Someone who moved heavy things for a living. Someone who would do pretty much anything for the princess that he loved.

"Kristoff?" Elsa asked into the darkness. After a minute or so of silence, she asked again, calling for the former ice harvester and current love of her sister. Kristoff Bjorgman had helped Anna find the queen during the Great Freeze, as the week when Elsa had frozen Arendelle was called. He was instrumental in saving the princess more than a few times that fateful week, and Elsa had bestowed upon him the title of 'Arendelle's Royal Ice Master and Deliverer' in gratitude. Although for the most part, that was to the ice harvester an excuse to frequent the castle on 'official business' as he and Anna had fallen for each other back then.

The two were going on almost two years now and Elsa was dreading the inevitable marriage proposal that would formalize their union. For the most part, Kristoff was a perfect foil for her sister – cool-headed, responsible and rather straight. Almost as straight-laced as the queen herself, she realized. And yet Anna usually got the normally-well-behaved Kristoff to play along with her pranks.

"Anna? Kristoff? I know you're out there." Elsa lied into the darkness, hoping it wasn't as empty as it had seemed. Nothing.

"Let me go!"

"Nobody's here, you know." A female voice said from the darkness. It was deep and raspy, almost old-sounding. It was also somewhat familiar, as if she had heard that voice before. Something was off about it though, something that raised red flags in the back of Elsa’s mind.

"Who's there?" The queen shouted into the darkness. The voice had come from the shadows, from beyond the tiny spark of light that barely illuminated the interior of her cell.

The light had somehow moved backwards - no, Elsa could now make out two, slender hands holding the brass pan on both sides. She followed them back up the arms they belonged to, which led to a shadow of a figure, a silhouette behind the flickering flame.

"Where am I?" Elsa demanded. She felt her fear slowly being taken over by a more active emotion - anger, as she now had something to focus her feelings on. "Why am I here?" She added, a silent boiling within threatening to burst through her well-guarded facade. "Who are you?"

The figure laughed. Elsa could see the shadow of the figure’s shoulder bobbing up and down as the other woman appeared to be amused by the queen's predicament.

"Where do you think you are, Elsa?" The woman answered. She knew who the queen was, Elsa realized. She squinted into the darkness but the light was just right where it was interfering with her vision. Her eyes refused to become accustomed to the dark and the woman remained in shadow.

"If you know who I am, then you know what I can do." The snow queen threatened, holding her hand outwards as if to cast a spell. She hoped the other woman wouldn't catch on to the fact that right now, she was entirely bluffing.

"Oh please, Elsa. We both know you're more queen and less snow right now." The woman said, almost taunting. She knew. Elsa reached inside for the magic, but found herself still empty. For an instant, she remembered all the instances in her life when she wished the magic away. This was not one of those times.

The woman continued. "Actually, you're less queen as well." She said as she pushed a familiar object on the table towards Elsa. The sound of metal scraping against wood, plus the distinctive shape of the object alerted Elsa. It was the royal crown of Arendelle. Her crown.

"Where - how did you get that?" Elsa's hands instinctively went up to her hair, where she normally had the tiara-like crown on. Her platinum blonde locks felt grimy, oily. Her hair, usually done in a loose, single braid that she let hang over her left shoulder, was in a long, flowing mess that reached beyond the small of her back. For the first time, she realized she was wearing a thin slip of a nightgown instead of her more conservative daily attire. The cold stone floor below her made her realize, whoever had dragged her into the room didn't even bother to get her shoes. She felt cold. A first in a long time.

"Oh Elsa," the woman said. "To answer your questions. Where are you? You're in a cell." She laughed again, calmly stating the obvious. "As for why you're here? That's why I'm here right now. To help you find out why you're trapped in that cell right now, alone, powerless." The woman stood up and moved to the side, avoiding the small wooden table that was the only discernible piece of furniture outside the cell.

"And as for who I am?" The woman's voice trailed off as she stood, lamp still in hand. Slowly, more and more of her figure became visible as she stepped closer to the bars of Elsa's cage. It was the body of a thin, slender woman, just a bit taller than Elsa herself. She was dressed in a dress that seemed familiar and yet not to the powerless snow queen. It was reminiscent of her risqué ice dress, but tight and long with a low cut bodice and a frill around her neck.

As she neared the bars, her head and face finally became clear. The woman looked for lack of a better comparison...like her. Elsa was confused. The other woman had very similar features, except for the fact that her hair, short and spiked upwards into a point behind her cowl, was as black as the darkness itself.

"You should know who I am," the woman said with a sly smile.

"Who-" Elsa was at a loss for words. It was like looking at a mirror, if she were a few years older and with completely different hair. The other woman looked like what it would have been if she and Anna had an older sister. If. Elsa was the eldest, hence her succession to the throne when their parents' ship sank somewhere in the North Sea. A close relative perhaps? Elsa couldn't remember any, not anyone on their mother's side of the family, who Elsa was the spitting image of. A previously unmentioned aunt? No, too young. Probably a cousin.

"Who ARE you?" The befuddled queen asked her captor, her voice rising far above a level she typically used.

A flash of concern appeared on the woman's face, just for a split second, before it reverted back to a smug smile. "Just someone who wants nothing more than to help you get out of the mess you're in." The woman's smug smile dissipated from her lips as a more serious, somber look took over her sharp features. “A damn, big mess, Elsa...” Her voice trailed off as she shook her head, her ducktailed hair waving from side-to-side as she did.

"Mess?" Elsa felt her brows knot as the woman's words took a few minutes to sink in. She was in some sort of prison, that much was certain. But why? And how? For a moment, Elsa pondered the possibility of her being abducted or captured by...someone? Perhaps a small group who didn't exactly have the best interests of Arendelle in mind? No, she thought. There was nary a bruise on her body, as far as she could feel. No signs that she had been forcibly taken. Drugged perhaps? She did wake up with a throbbing headache, albeit one that had already subsided into a dull pressure on her temples.

"Look, whoever you are, you know who I am. I don't know what you want, but if it's money, you kidnapped the wrong queen. Arendelle is a small country-" She was stopped by the woman raising her hand.

"Stop, Elsa. Just stop." The way she shook her head made her short hair sway again. "You have not been kidnapped." Her voice was not reassuring at all to the frantic snow queen. Former snow queen, Elsa realized as she once again checked inwardly for the magic that wasn't there. Empty.

The strange woman walked even closer to the bars and set the lamp she was holding down on one of the flat surfaces of the cell door crossbars. And then she did something completely unexpected. Elsa froze in place as the other woman reached in through the bars and grasped her hands. They were cold, much colder than what the snow queen was used to. And noticeably cold - which was a surprise to the queen as she was normally used to touching things made of ice.

And yet, there was a certain sense of warmth emanating from the woman's palms as she gently eased Elsa's hands through the bars as she pulled them close together. "Elsa, listen to me. Anna's not here. Kristoff's not here. Nobody's here. I'm all you have right now and right now, it's my job to get you out of here before...before they...before you…" Her strong voice trailed off as her gaze drifted upwards to a tiny opening in the ceiling that Elsa hadn't noticed before.

"What? What's going to happen to me?" Elsa tried to pull her hands back but the other woman's grip was surprisingly firm. She felt a certain sense of panic inside of her. The last time she felt this swirling mass of uneasiness in her gut, she froze the entire kingdom and fled in terror. ‘No’...a horrifying thought entered her mind.

The snow queen squeezed the hands that were holding hers', eliciting a look of astonishment from the woman. As their eyes met, Elsa couldn't help but have the eerie feeling of staring into a reflection of herself, not in a mirror, but on the waters of a dark, deep lake. "What did I do?" She asked in a whisper, silently dreading the answer.

The woman smiled, a calm, sympathetic smile this time, without a trace of smugness or malice in her eyes. "Now we’re getting somewhere. That's what we're here to find out." She released the queen's hands and reached upwards, through the bars and touched Elsa's cheek softly.

"Call me Alia."

"Alia..." The queen repeated. Elsa couldn't shrug off the feeling that she had heard the name before, despite the fact that this was the first time she had met this woman. The first time that she could remember, she corrected herself. Elsa could barely remember what transpired before she woke up a few minutes before. In fact, pretty much everything she tried to recall was an indistinguishable blur.

"What happened?"

Alia looked deeper into her eyes. “You tell me, Elsa. What happened? Only you can answer that question.”

Elsa pulled her hands free and stumbled backwards. “I don’t know!” She shouted as she hit a stone wall with her hand.

“Elsa, calm down.” Alia reached towards her with arms past the bars. “Come, let me help you.”

“No! I don’t trust you!” Shouted Elsa back. She had no idea who Alia was, or if indeed that was in fact her real name. This might be some ploy by her captors. To get in on her good side.

Alia sighed as she went back behind the wooden table and pulled out a wooden stool from behind it. She set it down right outside the bars and sat down. “Elsa.”

For some reason, the queen felt drawn towards her. Elsa, shoulders slumped, slowly took the few steps towards the metal bars. A thought came to mind, one that made some sick sense and yet none at all. “Are…are you my advocate?” Elsa asked. “Am I on trial?”

Alia’s face lit up in response to the queen’s words, as if she had struck a nerve. “You could say that,” she responded.

Her answer left Elsa more confused than satisfied. Only members of the royal family in line for the throne could place the ruling monarch of Arendelle under arrest, and that was the only possibility she could think of where she would have been on trial for anything. There was only one other person in line for the throne.

“Anna? Is this because of her?” Elsa asked the other woman.

“Something like that,” Alia replied. She wasn’t helping at all. With every answer came more questions, more confusion, more maybes. Elsa felt her forehead knock against the cold metal bars.

“Did I go crazy again? With my magic?” the snow queen asked the inevitable question. If something was the matter with her, it would most probably have been the magic. It was always the magic. The magic that wasn’t there anymore.

Alia held her hand into the cell, mimicking Elsa’s gesture for casting a spell. Of course, nothing came out. There was only one snow queen of Arendelle. Unless there was finally none. “The magic. You tell me Elsa. You know exactly what happened. Think.” Alia’s voice sounded powerful at that particular moment.

“I…I don’t remember,” Elsa tried to think of the events that happened in the past few days. But pretty much like the magic, her memory was empty. It wasn’t a jumble of mixed images and events like that time she nursed off a massive hangover. This was just…blank. As if she had lost time and there was no trace at all of anything that she did the past few days.

“Look, Elsa.” Alia looked at her. “I can be your guide. I can help you remember, but you have to help me help you.” The woman grasped Elsa’s palms once more. “Will you let me help you?”

Elsa nodded quietly. There was nothing left to lose, if Anna had betrayed her like this. If indeed it was under Anna’s orders that she was here, powerless, Elsa had to find out why. She had to.

“Alright. Close your eyes and listen to my voice.” It was a rather soothing voice. The slight baritone echo actually touched a part of Elsa’s mind in some way, reverberating in her ears, slightly smoothing what little memories she could muster. “Think of the magic.” Elsa summoned up images of herself creating snowdrifts for her sister while they played as children. Elsa remembered that fateful mis-aimed blast that hit Anna squarely in the forehead and set the events of the rest of their lives in motion. She remembered thirteen years of isolation, and her magic growing in strength while her control over it grew weaker. The queen remembered that day, two years ago when she first became queen and then immediately froze the entire kingdom in eternal winter. Images of herself running through snow, evading a pack of wolves, reaching the North Mountain and creating her ice palace in the span of a few hours. Oh how she wished she were there right now among its icy spires instead of here.

“Elsa, focus!” Alia’s voice brought her back to her flood of memories. She remembered arguing with Anna, although she didn’t quite see how she had magicked her sister a second time. She remembered seeing Kristoff slide in on the ice and embrace her sister. And then there was Marshmallow, the giant snow monster she had accidentally made to carry her sister back down to Arendelle. For some reason, she had very little memory of the assault on the castle, when treacherous Prince Hans of the Southern Isles sought to bring her back to Arendelle. That particular memory was all yellow flashes of images, as if she were seeing another person entirely. Elsa remembered waking up in the dungeon, freezing the chains off and the wall and then running onto the frozen fjord. And then there was Anna.

The image of her sister, all crystallized and magically frozen was burned into her eyes, into her mind, into her heart. The one most important person in the world to her and she had magicked her away. Thankfully, that didn’t last and the next few images that flashed through the queen’s mind were happy ones of her using her magic to amaze the townsfolk. She remembered making an ice sculpture of Anna for their first yuletide celebration, although Kristoff had to help fix the icy princesses’ features with his chisel. He was surprisingly artistic, for a former manual laborer, and very hefty. Her sister was very lucky.

“Elsa, you’re losing it again.” Alia’s voice pulled her back again, drawing her mind across the line between memories and daydreams. Elsa kept her eyes closed and thought harder, remembering to focus on the magic. The magic. The magic. She remembered occasionally using her magic for mundane tasks, like cooling a pitcher of water for Anna and Kristoff. She remembered trying to give Olaf the Snowman a friend of his own. Olaf had been one of her accidental creations during the great freeze, and had stayed with them long after the thaw. She had sought to give him a companion snowman to spend some time with but nothing worked. And then Elsa recalled an event just a few weeks ago – one where she remembered using her magic to create an ice sculpture in the middle of the fjord to commemorate an event. What was it? It was pretty important to Anna, and Kristoff for that matter. It was about Anna.

An image flashed through Elsa’s mind.

Her eyes shot open.

The snow queen looked at Alia. She felt her throat run dry.

“Oh my god,” Elsa whispered. She lifted her gaze towards Alia, a horrified look on the queen’s face.

“What? What did you remember?”

Elsa felt the strength ebb away from her legs as she crumpled to her knees, while still maintaining eye contact with the woman sitting outside her cell.

Elsa whispered. “…someone’s dead. Someone’s dead. And it’s all my fault.”


	2. Memories (Solsbury Hill)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story continues with Elsa trying to remember what exactly she did to end up with her in prison. With the help of Alia, the queen will dive headfirst into her mind to try to recover her lost memories. But she may not like what she discovers.

"Elsa."

No response.

"Elsa!"

The queen of Arendelle stared blankly down at her trembling hands as the overwhelming feeling of guilt washed over her like a tidal wave.

"Who was it?" Her darker haired counterpart asked. Alia sat back in her chair across from the wooden table and was scribbling down notes on what seemed like a stack of papers on a small board she held.

After what seemed like an eternity, Elsa looked up at the other woman with tears in her eyes. "Who was what?" The queen asked in a low, meek voice. One that was quite typical of the shy, introverted snow queen.

"You said you had killed someone,” the other woman looked at her quizzically. Alia squinted at Elsa a look of suspicion on her face, almost bordering on disbelief.

The queen blanked out and stared into the darkness beyond Alia. Kill anyone? She had come close to killing someone only once before - her sister, Anna. Back during the great freeze, the two had a confrontation in the palace on the North Mountain that Elsa had built as refuge for herself. A heated back-and-forth between the sisters culminated in the older one accidentally hitting the younger sister with a stray bolt of ice magic. Anna almost froze to death as a result, though she did make a full recovery. Elsa had never thought of using her powers on another human being after that. Not even in jest.

"I don't know." She shook her head. Elsa tried to remember. Nothing. Nothing but the blanket whiteout of a snowstorm of jumbled memories. And a strong feeling, a feeling that someone was dead. And an even stronger feeling that it was all her fault. “I can’t remember anything at all.”

Alia looked disappointed. "Elsa, I was sent…I’m here to help you,” she assured the shaking young woman. “But I can't help you if you don't help yourself. You have to help me, help you."

"I don't remember anything," Elsa shook her head vigorously. "Someone's dead. I know it. I feel it. And it's MY fault!" She looked at Alia with pleading eyes. "What do I do?" Her voice simmered down into whimper with that final syllable.

The other woman reached over the table and gently took the queen's hands as she looked into her eyes. "I'm going to help you." She said reassuringly. "I have to," the woman added, seemingly as an afterthought. "You have to promise me something though."

Elsa looked up with shaking eyes. The wood of the table felt cold and damp as she realized how much her body was shaking. Oddly enough, the slender fingers encircling her wrists felt even colder. The queen managed to squeeze out a tiny "what?"

"You have to promise to meet me halfway. I can't do this alone. You have to walk with me." Alia's grip on her wrists tightened slightly, not enough to hurt but simply to highlight the seriousness of the matter. "Can you do that?"

Elsa looked into the deep, dark eyes of the woman across the table from her. There was something in there, just beyond the tiny strands of jet black hair that hung in front of them, barely covering but merely calling attention to their depth. She didn't feel right. Something felt off about Alia, despite the fact that she seemed genuinely sincere about helping Elsa. Honestly, she didn't seem like a barrister. Besides, since when did a queen need one? But Anna wasn't here. Kristoff wasn't here. Nobody was here. No one but this mysterious woman. She had no choice but to trust her.

Elsa nodded. Alia let go of her wrists and placed Elsa's hands back on the tabletop palms down. She then reclined back and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Ok, we're going to have to get you to remember. I have some experience in helping people remember things," she said. Elsa caught a look flash across her companion's eyes as she uttered that last sentence. Frustration? Anger? It seemed to Elsa like the kind of face she would make when she stubbed her toe on furniture. "Let's take this from the other direction. Can you start from a beginning? A place or a memory that you still remember?"

Elsa closed her eyes and dove deep into the snowstorm that were her clouded memories. Snow all around, whipping her braid against her back, threatening to tear her cape from her body, assaulting her from all sides. Every single snowflake that passed by was a memory, a single snapshot of her life that teased her consciousness with every blurry image. And then there, in the middle of the blizzard, was a crown of lights. A chandelier ringed with candles, hanging from a low ceiling above a room of noise, talking and...dancing?

Elsa opened her eyes. She looked straight at the woman across the table and began to speak.

* * *

"I still can't believe we managed to drag you out of the castle, Elsa!" The high-pitched squeal that followed clearly belonged to the young Princess of Arendelle, leading a few feet ahead and clearly trying to pull her arm out if its socket. Elsa tried to rein her sister in but just managed to pull herself closer to Anna.

Behind her, she could feel two firm hands on her shoulders, gripping down on the thick cloak she had draped over herself before Anna had gotten a hold of her earlier. "Wait up you two!" The firm yet gentle voice of the Ice Master of Arendelle called out behind her. He was having trouble keeping up with the two sisters as Anna guided them through throngs of surprised townspeople.

Elsa was too flustered and out of her environment to realize that these people weren't used to seeing their queen up close and personal, much less squeezing between them in a seeming hurry. They were all looking at her. Some looked genuinely scared or frightened - she still was the ice queen of Arendelle, who had the power to freeze the heart of a person with a flick of her fingers. Most were simply surprised - Elsa rarely ventured outside the castle grounds, even after her debut and coronation a year or so ago. The most contact she had with the townspeople was in the courtyard, where she would do displays of her magic to amuse the children or try to make conversation with the townsfolk who sought an audience with the royals. Try was the operative word - after spending thirteen years in near-perfect isolation, Elsa just wasn't comfortable around people.

And now here she was, right in the middle of them. Already, people they had passed were giving them confused looks, as if in disbelief that the queen would actually leave the castle and go into town. The most she managed to do while being rushed was to smile and occasionally throw out a rather weak "hello," in between a multitude of "excuse us" and "sorry".

In contrast, her sister was quite used to the townspeople, and they were used to her. The tiny little princess led their impromptu human convoy through the streets. Expertly weaving around, between, and through clumps of people, she navigated the trio through what must have been the entire township of Arendelle. In the year or so since the great freeze, the princess hadn't missed a single chance to leave the castle and explore the greater world outside. The sisters had been confined to the castle grounds prior to that. It was fine for the would-be queen, who had more-or-less chosen to continue her self-seclusion even after their parents were lost at sea. The younger princess was an entire matter altogether, being way more of a free spirit than her older sibling. Anna had in fact been occasionally caught sneaking out beyond the castle gates. At least one time, she was caught sneaking back in.

"Where are we going?" Elsa asked out loud.

"You'll see!" Was her sister's cryptic reply.

Elsa looked back as Kristoff, who simply gave her an exasperated shrug. "Times like these, I just let her take the reins." He confessed, still holding on to Elsa by the shoulders. "You get used to it," he added after noticing how uneasy the queen looked.

The tiny township of Arendelle went by like a blur. Throngs of people were in town even from the surrounding rural areas for the upcoming harvest festival. This turned the narrow streets into a sea of people, a sea that Anna was effortlessly traversing. Elsa and Kristoff fared just a bit worse as they were forced into a pace they weren't used to.

It seemed like forever to Elsa as the buildings got smaller and smaller. Brick and mortar, two-story houses gave way to unpainted wooden dwellings. Elsa had to glance back towards the castle spires just to make sure they were still in Arendelle.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of hurried trotting, the convoy stopped. Elsa barely managed to avoid crashing into her sister's back, overcompensating by leaning back with all her weight as her younger sister stopped abruptly. Almost immediately, she felt a heavy weight slam into her from behind, accompanied by an apologetic "whoops!"

It took almost a minute for the queen to extricate her rather frail body from being sandwiched between the ice master and her sister.

"Here?" Kristoff asked.

"Yeah, why not?" Anna asked back.

"I don't know. Doesn't this seem too...unqueenly?" The ice master responded, looking back at Elsa.

In the past two years or so since her coronation, Elsa could count the number of times she had been outside the castle - truly outside past the bridge and the square - on both hands. Having spent thirteen years in complete seclusion within the castle walls gave her a sense of security and familiarity that she liked. Out here, amongst the people, people she didn't know, Elsa felt vulnerable. Naked.

The queen found herself looking up at a wooden sign, swaying slightly from two rusty iron links that creaked as it did. On it, against a crude drawing of what seemed like an overflowing wooden mug, was scribbled ' _Minner_ '. She could barely look around before she felt her arms being dragged forward again.

"Come on, sis!" Anna said gleefully as the slightly muddy ground turned into thick wooden planks.

As Elsa was about to pass through the doorway, a familiar voice caught her ear.

"Don't take too long this time." It was Olaf, the snowman she had managed to give life to during the great freeze and had become a member of their family. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen the diminutive stack of snowballs in a while. This was the first time she'd seen him since forever. Elsa meant to ask the pint-sized snowman what he had been up to but Olaf was gone as fast as he had appeared, somewhere in the crowd of townsfolk behind them.

A sudden jerk of Anna's grip on her wrist brought her back to her senses and pulled into the tavern. The first thing that caught the queen's attention was the large, wrought-iron chandelier hanging from the roof in the middle of the room. It was large, definitely larger than she was tall from end-to-end, and filled to the brim with a mix of candles and oil-based lights. It wasn't only the chandelier that was large, however. The interior of the tavern seemed much bigger than it looked from the outside. Wooden timbers lined the walls like a log cabin, enclosing an area that must have contained several dozen sets of chairs and tables, all filled with patrons. People. Strangers.

Elsa pulled back her right hand in an effort to pull Anna close, but all she retrieved was empty air. Somehow, in the short span of time between entering the tavern and now, she had lost her sister in the crowd. Panic threatened to set in before she realized the comforting feeling of Kristoff's hands on her shoulders from behind. The queen quickly spun around and pulled the ice master close.

"Are you ok?" He asked, looking down at her wide, doe-like eyes.

"Anna," she managed to mouth as Elsa tried to fight back an anxiety attack.

"Relax, she's just getting us a booth." Kristoff lowered his right hand onto the small of her back to comfort her, realized the inappropriateness of what he was doing, and quickly withdrew his hand.

Elsa could barely hear what the ice master was saying over the sound of a dozen conversations and arguments. Somewhere in the tavern, two women were screaming at each other. A man was boasting about his catch just this morning. There was the sound of a baby crying. She tried to block everything out and pressed her cheek into the dark, woolen tunic that covered Kristoff's torso. It smelled oddly familiar, a mix of reindeer musk, her sister's perfume and something thicker, something comforting.

"Is she ok?" Came the reassuring voice of her younger sister, a single point of familiarity in the sea of strange voices.

"Yeah, just you know. Elsa." Kristoff answered as he patted the top of her head.

"Well, we got our usual." Anna led the trio around the room towards the back where there seemed to be less people. There, in the far corner, was a small booth with wooden seats around a round table. Elsa soon found herself sandwiched between the princess and her ice master. At least she was finally sitting down. Elsa reached down and attempted to squeeze away the pain surrounding her knees. That was the most movement her legs had had in months. Maybe a year. After a minute of gripping the sore flesh at the tips of her thighs, the queen gave up and leaned backwards to rest her head against the wooden booth wall.

Kristoff started to edge towards his open end of the booth when Anna stopped him. "I'll get us drinks." She said as she jumped to her feet, almost banging her reddish hair against the oil lamp hanging above the table. The princess disappeared into the crowd, leaving Elsa alone with Kristoff.

"Doesn't look like much but the food's nice." Kristoff said reassuringly. He must have thought that the half-panicked, anxious look that she felt on her face was because of those trivial matters.

"It's ok." She looked up at him and smiled. Despite the crowd, the tavern itself felt somewhat cozy - definitely cozier than most of the rooms back at the castle. It was the people, she thought. In here, nobody seemed to care about them much, especially in their quaint little corner. The few people that recognized them bowed in acknowledgement but quickly went on their way. Elsa was amazed. And besides, she wasn't hungry. A slight growling under her belly button seemed to want to contradict that last statement. "I'm just glad to be sitting down with you."

Elsa immediately felt a certain kind of warmth flush up her neck even before her words left her lips. "With you guys. And Anna. You and Anna." The young woman quickly blurted out. She stole a sideways glance upward to check if the former ice harvester had noticed her slip into near-Anna levels of awkwardness. Nothing. Kristoff sat back against the wall as serious as he always as, slightly relaxed with a smile on his face.

Elsa sighed and slumped forward onto the table. Eyes closed and cheek resting on her inner arm, she took in the sounds and scents of revelry. It was the sound of wooden mugs clanking against each other. The sound of a dozen conversations happening all at the same time. The sound of music being played in a far corner. So this was how the townspeople wound down after a long day.

"So, what's weighing you down?" Kristoff asked. His voice had a tinge of concern. Elsa’s shoulders stiffened a little when she felt his palm on the back of her head, patting her braided hair.

“Nothing,” the queen swiveled her head as she rested her chin on the back of her right hand. "Everything,” she sighed. “Kingdom matters.” She continued to stare straight ahead, at the empty seat on the other side of the booth, where Anna had been earlier. Her sister was nowhere to be found, probably still getting them food and drinks. “Don't tell Anna, she always worries about me."

“Want to talk about it? While Anna’s not here?” Kristoff asked.

The queen shook her head, chin still dancing on her knuckles. "We’re in pretty bad shape. The council doesn’t think I’m being an effective queen. At least that’s what Kai tells me.”

"Thirteen years, Elsa. That's how long you were…not being queen. You just need more time." Kristoff patted Elsa on the back of her head once more. She was growing quite accustomed to having the weight of his hand on the back of her braided hair.

"We don’t have time. We’re dependent on our neighbors for pretty much everything. Food, clothing, raw materials. The only thing we have an abundance of are wood and…reindeer." Elsa’s voice was muffled as she buried her lips into her hand.

"Hey, better than people, right?" Kristoff tapped her on the shoulder, an obvious grin on his face. He was trying to make her laugh, like he did with her sister. She decided to meet him halfway with a weak smile.

Just then, a large tankard slammed onto the table just inches from her face. Elsa sat up in surprise to see Anna with two more mugs and several bowls of what looked like food cradled in her arms.

“Enough talk! It’s drinking time!” The princess shouted, holding her mug in the air.

* * *

The room was spinning. The bright lights emanating from the chandelier hanging in the center of the tavern appeared to be dancing, like little fairies playing around an oversized crown. The conversations all over seemed to have had dulled down into a low, buzzing sound. Like the hum of a tuba, reverberating in the space between the queen’s ears making the dull pain behind her eyes just a bit more intolerable.

Across the table, Anna was slumped back against her seat, a wide grin on her face. The princess swung around her empty mug over her head, trying to coerce just a few more drops from it.

“I think you’ve had enough, honey.” A loud, booming voice erupted beside Elsa. She shifted her head and tried to look upwards at Kristoff sitting beside her. The ice master’s face was bright red, almost crimson, accentuating his already prominent nose.

“I’ve had enough, no you’ve had enough!” Anna half-shouted, half-laughed as she poked him in the ribs. She grabbed another fistful of that crunchy pig skin and tried to shove them into her gaping mouth. Most of the rinds smooshed against her overly-blushing cheeks and fell to the tabletop. The round, wooden tabletop already cluttered with various spilled items of food, from bits and seeds to half of an entire pickled egg.

“Are you ok, Elsa?” Kristoff patted the back of her head as he asked. Elsa felt the warmth of his palm slip from her hair to her neck as the ice master tried to steady his shaking arm.

“Okaaay,” her words slurred as they came out through her pressed lips. There was a certain kind of warmth in and around her neck, like an invisible scarf keeping her body heat in. It made her feel uncomfortable. Elsa felt each labored breath as she forced air in through her nose and then down into her lungs. She looked suspiciously at the small cup that held whatever it was that Anna had poured for her over an hour ago. It was still half-empty. She had barely taken a few gulps, much less than what Anna and Kristoff had. And yet here she was, slumped down on the table, with her limbs feeling limp and powerless. She had to admit it to herself. The snow queen was drunk.

"I have a confession to make," Anna piped up. The princess was already on her third or fourth large tankard, as far as Elsa could tell. The way her blue eyes flicked upwards and around, sometimes chasing things that weren’t there, brought a smile to the queen’s lips. Like her, her sister was certainly intoxicated. Anna stood up, took a wide-legged stance with her hands on her hips, and pouted at Kristoff. "Sometimes, when we're making love, I imagine I'm Elsa!"

Before Elsa could fathom what her sister had just said, Kristoff took his hand off her back and slapped the wooden tabletop. "I have a confession too," Kristoff replied. There was a slight slurring of his voice, a bit louder than what Elsa was used to, and she could smell the bitterness of the spirits on his breath. Drunk as well. "Sometimes, when we're making love,” he leaned across the table and planted a sloppy kiss on Anna’s cheek. “I imagine you're Elsa!"

"Me next!" Elsa shouted, raising her hand. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Or rather, that nothing was the right thing – and without the right thing came the absence of wrong. Elsa looked up at the lovers above her and smiled her biggest smile, teeth showing from ear-to-ear. "Sometimes when I know you two are making love,” she laughed. “I imagine...I'm Elsa!"

The royal trio erupted in uncontrollable laughter. Anna fell back onto her seat laughing, almost banging the back of her head against the wooden wall of the booth. Kristoff just sat back down, slapping the tabletop in-tune with his chesty guffaws. Elsa knocked her forehead on the wood as she continued giggling at herself. Oblivious to the commoners and townsfolk around them, the three young members of the royal family continued laughing into the night.

* * *

It was late into the night when the three finally decided to head home, back to Castle Arendelle. Or more accurately, it was when the beer had decided that they should head home. _Was it even beer?_ Elsa wondered as her head plopped backwards, loosening her braid into a mass of blonde hair that hung over Kristoff’s arm. She swore she saw _‘Akevitt’_ etched on one of the barrels that Anna had kept going back to near where the bartender was.

“Sorry,” the larger man’s soft voice was now a bit lower, tender as he rearranged his arm to support the back of the queen’s head. His other one was firmly hitched underneath her thighs and the back of her knees, while his hand steadied the rest of her body where her left leg met her body. Or wait, it was a bit above that – digging a bit into the softness of her behind. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or the fatigue from an entire night of having fun but for some reason, the queen didn’t mind.

Beside them, clopped Kristoff’s loyal reindeer and long-time friend Sven. The two must have some mystical bond, as he had been waiting for them outside the tavern when they left. On top of the reindeer was her sister, plopped down chest-first onto the animal’s back, her face buried in its thick fur. The princess was out cold, although she would laugh or giggle every now and then. Elsa tried to talk to her the first few times, not realizing she might as well be talking to the dead.

“Sorry about…the mess,” Elsa looked up at the man who bore her. She tried to smile, but ended up letting loose a puddle of saliva that had built up inside her mouth and was now dripping down her right cheek into the ice master’s sleeve.

“Nah, it’s cool.” He smiled back, dabbing her cheek with his mittens. “It was totally understandable, you’re not used to this.”

“I could get used to it,” Elsa answered. There was still a little of the acrid taste of vomit in her mouth. She had been walking beside the two when they left, but a few hundred steps was all it took before she had expelled most of what she had eaten that night. But obviously not enough of the beer, which she felt coursing through her bloodstream.

Elsa stared upwards at the stars. They seemed like little pinpricks of light, dancing in the heavens. She focused on the middle of four stars that appeared to make a perfect square, and stared hard at that area for the longest time, hoping for a falling star.

After some time, she buried her head in the ice master’s jacket. "Do you really do that?" She asked as a sudden thought crossed her mind.

“Huh?” Kristoff asked back.

"When you...do things...with my sister,” Elsa tried to imagine those nights when she knew Kristoff was in the castle and she would go to Anna’s door in the middle of the night. The first few times, she heard her sister shouting, sometimes even screaming. As much as she wanted to barge in, the queen had been careful to peer into the keyhole to see what was really happening. She couldn’t forget what she saw that night. “You imagine she's me?"

Kristoff blushed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.” He shook his head and apologized.

"No, it's ok." The queen tried hard not to look up at the ice master. Whatever they had been drinking, it was still making her feel a little hot around the cheeks. The invisible scarf was still wrapped around her neck, and she felt herself sweating. She could actually hear her heart beating. "It's kind of flattering." She had no idea why she said that. She could remember Anna’s legs splayed outward through the keyhole.

"You're not mad?" Her one conscious companion asked. His voice seemed shakier than the usual confident tone in which Kristoff normally spoke. He was quite outspoken but it seemed like the beer had pushed him towards the meeker end of the Kristoff spectrum.

Yes, her rational mind told her. She should be mad that the man who loved her sister thought about her instead in the midst of lovemaking. A lovemaking that shouldn't be happening, definitely not under her very nose! The scandal if the people found out that the princess had been devirginized before her wedding night! What would mother have thought? Besides, Kristoff Bjorgman wasn't royalty! A princess and a commoner? Sure, he was a nice person. Self-made, capable, strong with a good heart. Not to mention attractive. In her two years out of seclusion, she had seen her fair share of men and Kristoff was just plain handsome. And he was fucking her sister. Her sister. That cursed keyhole.

"No," Elsa had no idea why her mouth said that. "Not mad at all. Why would I be?"

If Kristoff had an answer, he didn’t share it with Elsa. Not out loud, at least. The three proceeded in the direction of the castle, albeit slowly and casually. An awkward silence took over as darkened houses gave way to the well-lit docks. Even in the middle of the night, fishermen were coming in to land their early morning catch. The fresh smell of herring, still wriggling in their nets was almost noticeable in the cold, pre-dawn air.

It was the change in the clopping sound of Sven’s hooves that signaled to Elsa that they were on the long bridge that separated Castle Arendelle from the rest of the town. After what seemed like an eternity, they were finally home.

"So what's it like?" The queen mumbled as they went past the doors that led into the castle itself.

"What's what like?" Kristoff replied as he stared straight ahead. He was trying hard not to meet her gaze, it seemed.

"Making love to me?" She remembered what she saw through Anna’s locked door. Except it was her, instead of her sister. Those were her legs, splayed out to the sides. Her feet in the air. Her hands gripping the sheets. Her nails tracing thin, red lines down Kristoff’s back. Her moans of pleasure.

They were at her door when Kristoff decided to answer. The ice master set her down on her feet, caught her as she fell towards the floor, and decided to carry her inside and laid her down on her bed. Elsa felt the fresh, cool sheets on her cheeks and buried her face in the softest, fluffiest pillow she could grab. As she slipped into her dreams, she heard Kristoff’s voice talking – more to himself than to her as he thought the queen had already fallen asleep.

“It was great.”

* * *

Elsa's eyes blinked wide open.

"What?" Alia exclaimed as she stood up, leaning forward with her palms flat on the table. "You remembered something?"

The powerless snow queen shook her head, individual strands of blonde hair swayed in front of her eyes as she did.

"Then what?" Alia's jet black eyebrows almost merged as she knotted her brow. "You didn't kill anyone?"

"Worse." The snow queen slowly stood up, walked to the nearest wall, and placed her arms against it above her head. Elsa closed her eyes shut and felt the cold hard rock press against the top of her head. "I think I was in love," she mumbled. Elsa shook her head, disgusted at herself for the feelings that were now slowly bubbling upwards from within the confines of her damaged memories. "In love," she repeated as the full implications of her confession started to become clear. "Am." The word broke free of the mass of feelings and realities she was trying to keep, chained down inside. "I 'am' in love."

She felt the butterflies in their stomach flutter and bang against her rapidly beating heart as they rushed upwards past her tightening chest and through her incredibly dry throat. An expression of abject horror set upon her eyes as they flicked open to stare at her only remaining companion.

"I'm in love with my sister's boyfriend."


	3. Razor's Edge (Have You Forgotten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some memory searching, Queen Elsa may have found a clue as to why she ended up where she is. Thanks to the assistance of the mysterious Alia, she now has the keys to open the many doors of her broken memories.
> 
> But can an innocent, one-sided crush upon her sister’s boyfriend truly be the reason for her captivity? Or is there something more in her recent past, something buried beneath her memories of longing and emotional wanting? Is her unrequited love really the cause of all this, or will it lead to something else entirely?

"I fell for him, Alia."

"You mean..."

"I fell for my sister's boyfriend. Her paramour. Her one true love. I fell in love with Anna's Kristoff." Queen Elsa, the once and future monarch of Arendelle looked across the table at the raven-haired woman that she was confessing her heart and soul to. She was feeling the heat in the otherwise uninsulated dungeon chamber they were in, glistening sweat visibly forming on her exposed arms. The snow queen tried to use her powers to cool herself down, only to be reminded that as of now, she was but the ‘former snow queen,’ bereft of her ice magic.

Alia looked up, looking mildly surprised but otherwise unemotional, then continued scribbling on the small stack of papers that she held in her hands. The queen’s confidante had been taking notes the whole time, even though Elsa still had no idea what role the older woman was playing in this situation. A barrister? Her lawyer? All she knew at the moment was that Alia seemed to be her only chance at getting out of this predicament.

"And?" Alia asked, swiping jet-black bangs away from her eyes with the back of the writing pen she was holding. She blinked a few times looking at the queen, clearly showing little interest in the younger woman’s heartfelt confession.

"It's Kristoff!" Elsa rose to her feet, her palms flat on the tabletop as her thick, blonde braid swung below her. The troubled queen of Arendelle's voice trembled as she tried to explain into words the heaviness she was feeling in her heart. "He's the one person that treated my sister decently in her time of need, when even I left her alone. He's brought back a happiness to our family we haven't had in fifteen years. He makes her happy. I have no right to take that from her."

"I'm sensing a _'but'_ somewhere there," Alia commented, scribbling lightly on her notes. It seemed like she had an idea what Elsa was feeling after all.

The queen closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled through her clenched teeth. The distressed young woman shook her head, loose strands of hair worked free of her thick braid and whipped around her rotund cheeks.

"But what you feel is real."

Without opening her eyes, Elsa replied with a vigorous series of nods, her single braid bobbing up and down over her chest. It was true. Now that she was starting to recover her lost memories, the feelings and emotions that went along with those missing pieces of her mind began returning as well. And the feeling was right there.

She remembered how she felt the next few weeks after that night at the tavern, how every glimpse of Kristoff made her heart jump. Since the former mountain man was the kingdom's official Royal Ice Master and Deliverer, he was around the castle all the time on official business. When he wasn't on supervising runs, he was all over the castle during the daytime, especially since Arendelle had started exporting ice to other places. If that wasn't bad enough, since he was essentially her sister's consort, he was around during the evening hours as well. It made those next weeks' dinners quite awkward, with the queen sometimes choosing to be served in her quarters rather than be in the presence of her new crush. Sometimes he was around even later than that. 'Making her sister happy' had other related connotations that the queen refused to think about. Several times in the past year, Elsa had woken up in the middle of the night just to listen to her younger sister 'be happy' through the walls separating their quarters.

With a soft groan, the queen allowed herself to fall forward onto the wooden tabletop, her forehead coming to a rest on her right forearm. "What do I do?" She whimpered into her arm. After a few moments, she tilted her head to look at the only other person with her in the dark basement chamber. "What did I do?"

Alia smiled softly, with a lot less bite and smugness than before. "That's what we're trying to find out," she reminded the queen. "And I think at least we're making some progress." There was something reassuring in her voice, as if she somehow magically knew that everything was going to turn out for the better. "Keep going."

"What if I don't like what I remember?" Elsa's voice bounded from the flat wooden tabletop as she asked from back inside the space formed between her arms.

"Then you're going to have to decide which is more important, the truth or your happiness." Alia rapped her knuckles on the wood in front of Elsa's bunched up hair. The older woman reached out and lightly tapped the queen's right shoulder with the tips of her fingers. "What is happiness to you, Elsa?"

Minutes felt like hours as Alia's question hung unanswered in the air above them. Was this how her sister felt? Years ago when they were children, the young snow princess had accidentally magicked her sister in the head. To save Anna's life, they had to take her to the trolls in a hidden valley in the kingdom. There, Grand Pabbie, the spiritual leader of the trolls and a powerful magician, removed Anna's memories in order to take away the effects of Elsa's magic. Anna lost most of her childhood memories of playing with Elsa and her magic, and the princess only learned the truth after the Great Freeze over a decade after.

Was this how her sister felt after she learned the truth? Elsa wondered. To have a hole in your memory that only slowly refills after you discover it exists? In Anna's case, it was different. Her memories were magically altered, and there was no way of changing them back, at least to their knowledge. Elsa put her left hand over the back of her head, her fingers mingling with her blonde locks down to her scalp. No, she realized. This was different, however. Whatever happened to her, she was slowly recovering, recalling details - and the emotions that came along with those memories.

Elsa looked up. "I want to remember." The snow queen's hands balled into fists that she hit the table with. "I need to remember," she said.

"Good girl," Alia nodded. "Let's proceed?"

Elsa nodded back and pushed herself back to a sitting upright position. Like Alia had instructed earlier, she focused on anything that brought her mind back to what she was trying to recall. It wasn't difficult this time around. She only had to think of Kristoff.

* * *

The weeks following that night were not the most difficult, but they certainly were confusing for the young Queen of Arendelle. The seed that was planted during a single night of drunken revelry sprouted slowly but surely. It wasn't big, flamboyant flourishes but tiny little gestures that fed that spark that Elsa felt that one night. A lingering glance here, a slight accidental touch there.

Sometimes it was Elsa who spied on the ice master while he was going about his official business around the castle. Staring out of the corner of her eye, she would pretend to read or write whatever she was holding while secretly admiring her sister's lover from afar.

And then sometimes, the queen felt that Kristoff was unconsciously responding to her thoughts and feelings. A few times he'd catch her staring at him. The tall, ruggedly handsome man would just brush his dirty blonde hair from his eyes and smile back with half of his face. The queen would turn away before she turned red with embarrassment, but not before Kristoff would just shake his head and chuckle.

The little things.

And then there was what the royal family did on their time off. The royal threesome grew a penchant for spending their after-hours at _Minner_ , the tavern they had first gone to that first night. Drinking spirits in the company of family offered a welcome relief from the fatigue, both mental and physical, induced by their respective daily tasks.

Being the queen of a small kingdom, Elsa had a lot of official duties ranging from settling disputes and hearing grievances to signing treaties and dealing with diplomats. She had gotten used to interacting with people again over the past year since the Great Thaw, and was settling in to the day-to-day tasks of a ruler of a small kingdom. Things her father had kept from her before he died, things that Kai had shielded her from before her coronation. Elsa quickly found out how physically taxing being queen truly was.

As the official ice master and deliverer, Kristoff had his own responsibilities overseeing, managing and dealing with the kingdom's burgeoning international ice trade. The former ice harvester barely had time to actually go up into the mountains and harvest the ice blocks himself, a task that he had enjoyed performing even as a young child.

Princess Anna, coming fresh from eighteen years of a frivolously carefree lifestyle, was slowly being integrated into royal duties surrounding the kingdom. Kai eased her into her duties, sometimes helping Elsa deal with visiting dignitaries and also dealing with the people of the kingdom. Unlike her sister and her consort, Anna took to her new roles enthusiastically. Out of the three, she was the one who actually seemed like she enjoyed what she had to do.

So it was that the three regularly met up after all the day's tasks were done and the petitioners, merchants and dignitaries had gone home or back to their ships or quarters. Every now and then, the three would proceed to their new favorite tavern to wind down. Occasionally, Elsa would be too tired to come so Anna and Kristoff would send her off to her room and then proceed to _Minner_ without the queen. She would always wait for them to come home before falling asleep though. The sound of Anna and Kristoff’s drunken laughter brought a calm to her heart that eased her into peaceful slumber.

And then one night, it was Anna's turn to be physically overcome with fatigue. Elsa couldn’t remember what the princess was tasked to do the whole day, but it was one of those few times she had seen her younger sister just simply hobble into the inner castle instead of her usual joyous skipping. Before falling asleep on a couch in the picture room, she told her sister and her boyfriend to go ahead and enjoy each other's company.

"Go ahead you guys, I'll be fine here with Joan," she waved them off while gesturing to the painting that hung above the couch. It was of the French warrior woman Joan of Arc, executed in 1431 and proclaimed a national hero by Napoleon Bonaparte four hundred years after.

The queen smiled while Kristoff nodded. Elsa knew her sister often had conversations with the paintings in the hall back when they were not allowed to leave the castle. Apparently, those conversations kept going long after the castle gates had opened for the sisters. It seemed like old habits truly did die hard.

The odd pair slowly headed to the front door and out the castle gates towards the town. Behind them, Anna's voice was strong even through the thick wooden doors. "What're you looking at, Joan? Of course a princess can sleep with her shoes still on!"

"What are you gonna do? Yes, I'm wiping my nose on the seat!"

Kristoff shook his head, smiling at the queen who let out a slight giggle. The younger princesses' antics never got too old for the two, no matter how crazy Anna seemed to get. Elsa and Kristoff were laughing by the time they had crossed the stone bridge linking the castle to the town proper. Even Sven, Kristoff's trusty reindeer companion and their mount, was snorting in what must have been reindeer laughter he carried the two all the way across town to their favorite tavern.

As they were entering, the snow queen saw a tiny figure waving at her from across the street. There, standing in front of the open window of a bakery, was Olaf the snowman. As usual, the diminutive stack of ice was enjoying the heat of the ovens' exhaust, something that the queen found surprisingly odd for a creature of snow. "Come back early this time!" Olaf shouted. Elsa turned to Kristoff and Sven to tell them but a quick glance back told her the snowman had already gone off to wherever he was going.

They quickly found their way to the back where their favorite booth awaited. The proprietor of the tavern had become accustomed to having the queen, the princess and the royal ice master walk in every now and then and typically reserved their usual table in the back of the establishment. The tavern master initially wanted to give the royal family a private room on the upper floor but Anna insisted on being in the thick of it all.

"What's the point of eating out if you aren't going to be ' _out_ '?" She tried to explain to her introverted boyfriend and her even more introverted sister. Elsa herself was still pretty uneasy about letting go of her formalities in public, and she knew that Kristoff wasn’t a big fan of being around other people either. Nevertheless, the two agreed and slowly became used to just enjoying each other's company in public.

Within minutes, they had a pitcher of mead and a plate of fried potatoes and strips of fish. Unlike the usual nights when Elsa would pick at her food while Anna and Kristoff would demolish plate after plate, tonight was a bit different. Without Anna to eat her share, Elsa realized she had to help her sister's spouse out especially with the drinks. Something that wasn't an issue since the queen had slowly been growing a liking for the sweet, tangy buzz of the locally-made mead at _Minner_.

 _Minner_. Memories. That was the theme of that particular week, and partially why Anna was as exhausted as she was. That week, the trio, along with Olaf and Sven had gone off to the Valley of the Living Rock to pay a visit to Kristoff's adoptive family - the magical rock trolls of Arendelle. There, Grand Pabbie tried to help recover Anna's missing memories from her childhood. That particular session, like several over the past year, didn't work. But the topic remained in Elsa's thoughts as she tried to remember life before the accident that had claimed both sisters' freedom.

"Kristoff, do you remember when you were young? When you were first taken in by your _'family'_?" Elsa turned to her sole companion, almost hitting him with the wooden mug she was holding. The queen quickly apologized even before he noticed.

Kristoff's mopey blonde hair shook as he gave a shrug. "Most of it is a blur, like most of my life actually. Like one big ball of images and sounds." The ice master picked at a small stick of fish meat from a plate on the table and took a bite. "I guess if I focus on something, a memorable event for example, it gets clearer."

"Can you focus on that night?" Elsa asked, her curiosity piqued. That was the same night of the accident, the queen knew. But she had no idea if the ice master was aware of that fact. "I mean, being adopted. That must have been pretty memorable," she added.

"Okay, lemme try," Kristoff said as he put his mug down on the tabletop. "I remember ice. Wait. I think we were delivering ice? No that couldn't be, I was a boy." Kristoff pouted his lips and looked out the nearest window. "This is hard."

Elsa edged closer to her sister's boyfriend. "It needs you to change your frame of mind," she recalled one of the tips Pabbie had said to Anna.

"It didn't work on Anna," Kristoff replied. "Maybe it just doesn't work that way."

"Look, Kris. You know my sister. She lives in the present," Elsa started nibbling on a rather long stick of fried potato. "To remember her memories, she needs to go back. I don't think she wants to. Or cares." All of this of course was pure conjecture, Elsa tried to come up with some ground rules for the technique from what she had heard Pabbie say over the past few times they had tried.

"Oh believe me I know that," her sister's boyfriend shook his head, eyes closed and probably reliving an Anna moment.

"You think too much of the future," Elsa poked the ice master in the ribs with her elbow. Apparently, she had closed in enough to be able to reach him, and was intoxicated enough to be able to do so without reservation.

"And you dwell too much on the past." Kristoff said bluntly, then paused as a look of abject horror came upon his face. "Wait, I shouldn't have said that," the ice master held his hand above Elsa's shoulder, somewhat hesitant to make contact. "I'm sorry."

"Wait," Elsa quickly held up her hand as if to stop Kristoff from apologizing. "You're right," she answered, keeping her palm facing the stunned ice master. The queen didn't need to think hard about it, she knew what he said had a grain of truth. "I do think about the past. A lot." She instinctively reached out for Kristoff's hand still hovering inches above her shoulder and guided it to the tabletop. "I can't help it. It's what I do." She thought about all those years spent - lost - in her room in the castle, reluctant to go out in fear of her ice power. Even now that she was free and in control, it was hard not to fall into old habits, of thinking about what could have been, reliving her past mistakes and wondering what the now would be if she had done something else then. "It's hard to let it all go."

To her surprise, her sister's lover didn't shy away from her touch like he usually did when Anna was around. He kept his hand flat on the tabletop under hers and even placed his other one on top of theirs. "I don't expect you to. Our past makes us what - who we are. But just keep the future open, Elsa." Looking into his light brown eyes, Elsa could see genuine concern. The kind of concern that someone truly invested in her well-being would show, the kind that only really came from Anna. "Just remember," he squeezed her hand between both palms. "Whatever you've done, the choices you've made, every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around."

The snow queen closed her eyes and nodded, letting the warmth of Kristoff's hands soothe her own. For a manual laborer, the former ice harvester had smooth palms. The way his fingers enveloped hers sent tingles up her arm. Elsa fought hard to stifle the shudder that threatened to erupt from her body. She succeeded, barely.

"I shouldn't have asked," Elsa shook her head.

Kristoff squeezed her hand tightly in response. "No, I wanna try." It was his turn to shake his head. "Besides, I didn't get my memory wiped like Anna did. This should be easy for me, right?"

"I guess so," was the queen's uncertain reply. She wanted to shout inside as the ice master withdrew his hands around hers, probably to help him focus. Elsa didn't really realize why her latent feelings for the man were surfacing on this night. Her sister wasn't here to keep her conscience in check.

"Ice." Kristoff said out loud. His eyes were shut tight and it appeared he was deep in thought, trying to unearth memories long buried and forgotten. "I remember ice. A trail of ice. On grass." His eyes popped open and he stared at Elsa with a curious look on his face. "Magic ice. We were following a trail, Sven and me."

It couldn't be, Elsa thought. It would be perfect. Too perfect. She held her breath waiting for the ice master to continue his story.

"We were coming home from harvesting ice. I had the coolest little block ever - no pun intended." He flashed Elsa that smug grin he usually had when he managed to reverse one of her sister's pranks. It was a smile that Elsa had come to like over the past year, and one that made her heart squeeze since the past week.

"I remember mom - Bulda, hugging me and Sven. It was a weird sensation, like rock but soft. That was the first time, when she found us." Kristoff was staring into his half-empty mug of mead. As if he were seeing something on the surface of the liquid. "We followed the trail to the valley!" He beamed, obviously having remembered a detail that wasn't there before.

Elsa leaned in closer, her eyes fixated on Kristoff's lips as he alternated between recounting his memories and pressing them together while trying to remember. The reflected candlelight from the chandelier hanging from the ceiling glistened on the ice master's lower lip. The queen felt a stirring in her belly as she realized those lips had been on her sister's lips. And her body. That feeling was replaced by a sinking feeling of loneliness as the snow queen realized she would never have what her sister had.

"Elsa, are you listening?"

"Oh, what?" She took another sip from her mostly untouched mug, letting the sweet, raspy liquid flow down her throat. That made whatever she was feeling go away. Just a bit.

"You." Kristoff was looking at her, his eyes wider than usual, wide with realization and remembrance. "You were there. It was you."

Elsa knew exactly what the mountain man was talking about. "That night-"

"-was the night of the accident," Kristoff finished her sentence. "That was you, the king and queen, and Anna." He took a big swig from his mug as his right hand went to his forehead. "I never really thought about those people I saw that night. Pabbie did some magic, made stuff appear in the air, it all makes sense now."

The queen kept quiet, taking a continuous sip from her drink, trying to keep the alcohol's burning sensation consistently flowing, masking feelings trying to overwhelm her as she pictured the scene from her memories. She was a little girl again, having hurt her sister with her powers for the first time. That fear of hurting the people she loved was all too real again, and she drew her hands close to her body, feeling the ice wanting to burst out again.

"I remember blue. Big, blue eyes." Kristoff slowly set his mug down on the table and turned his head to look at the snow queen. "Big blue eyes with a dusting of blonde hair above them. Staring at me from across the way." The ice master pushed away a bit, edging closer to the center of the booth, away from where Elsa was already radiating an aura of cold air. He stopped in silence, mouth slightly agape. "There was a girl. The girl."

Elsa looked into the ice master's eyes, nodding slowly as she kept their gazes locked together. The memories she had hoped Kristoff would remember finally surfaced, just like when her own images of that fateful night came to her a week ago.

"You remember now?" She asked.

"She was sitting on a rock, crying. The king and queen - your parents - were talking to Pabbie for a long time. I sat on the rock beside her and tried to get her to stop crying, but she wouldn't." Kristoff's voice was calm and soft, trying to cushion himself mentally as much as he was doing it for the queen.

It was Elsa who spoke next. "It was as if my world had ended, with my sister almost dead and me...I didn't know what was to become of me. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I didn't even notice the boy talking to me through my tears."

"She was crying so bad, I felt like I had to do something."

"You held my hand." Elsa reached out and took Kristoff's right hand with her own, her fingers encircling his meaty paw from on top. "Like this."

"I remember." Kristoff squeezed Elsa's fingers slightly. "At the time, I had no idea I was holding hands with the crown princess of the kingdom, who would someday become queen." He pulled himself closer to the snow queen, close enough for Elsa to stare once more into those brown eyes. Close enough for her to smell the sweet tanginess of mead from his warm breath.

"That moment, sitting on that rock, watching my parents talking about my fate, I felt powerless. It was the warmth of your hand that kept me from running away." Elsa moved her face closer to Kristoff's, her tiny nose brushing against the ice master's. "You kept me alive."

They sat there in silence, noses touching, lips a finger's width apart, staring into each other's eyes, oblivious to the crowds around them. For the most part, nobody paid much attention to the couple. Dressed in simple clothing, they looked like two lovers sharing a booth in the back of a packed tavern. Only one pair of eyes stared intently at the two royals, in the midst of a kiss that could be, waiting patiently for the queen or the ice master to escalate their situation. Slowly, the couple dropped back into their seats, the whiff of what might have been dissipating into the air above them. Their lone spectator disappeared into the crowd, nothing but a flash of an orange carrot and the sound of soft snow on hard cobblestone.

The snow queen sat back in her seat, eyes still fixed on Kristoff. She was breathing hard, visibly so with the noticeable rise and fall of her ample bust. Each breath was slow and deep, the air rushing in and out of her audibly loud. Her hands, flat on the table and visibly trembling, clutched at the rough wood of the table hard enough that the tips of her fingers were turning paler than her already pale hue. There was a drumming on the air, as if someone were fiercely beating a large drum, or knocking on a heavy door. Except the drumming was coming from within her, deep within her chest, thumping in concert with the pulsating she could feel on the sides of her slender neck.

A moment of introspection was all it took, and the way the queen looked at her lone companion changed from hunger to horror. Horror at the realization that the look that Kristoff was giving her mirrored her own, a look of longing, of desire.

Kristoff's eyes grew wide as his conscious mind seemingly caught up with his underlying impulses. His expression quickly cycled through shock, surprise, confusion and then what looked to Elsa like guilt. She had never really seen Kristoff with that look before. As long as she had known him, he seemed like a very honest, straightforward man.

And yet here he was looking as guilty as a young child caught in the midst of something he should not have been doing. Normally, it was something so out of place that even Elsa would tease him about it - if only the feeling wasn't extremely mutual.

The snow queen scampered over to the other side of the booth, placing the round, wooden center table in between her and Kristoff. The ice master himself was frozen in place, hand over his mouth, a look of disbelief on his face. Almost simultaneously, the pair reached out for their respective drinks and downed their spirits in a single go.

Elsa sank back into her seat as she let the warm, caustic fluid ravage her throat from within. It was an enraged swarm of liquid heat that slowly crawled down from her mouth into her belly. In a coughing fit, she saw Kristoff grab two more mugs from a passing serving girl and put one to his lips. As she finished trying to stop her heart from jumping out through her mouth, she opened her eyes to another full mug of ale. Or mead. Whatever. It didn't matter. The queen brought it up and started sipping more cautiously this time, keeping the comforting stream of warmth dribbling down her neck.

Over a short period of time, she could feel her breathing become more labored. The warmth surrounding her neck refused to subside, and only grew more intense long after she had brought her empty mug back down onto the table.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Elsa finally mustered up enough resolve to say the one coherent thought in her addled mind.

"Please don't tell my sister."

"Please don't tell your sister."

Her words were an echo of the ice master's. Or was it the other way around? Not that it mattered.

The queen and the ice master met each other’s gaze for the umpteenth time that night, only this time was with a certain understanding between the two. This is something Anna should not know about. It didn't matter that the queen herself wasn't quite sure what 'this' was. From the looks of it, neither did the ice master. But whatever it was, it would have to stay between the two of them. Elsa only hoped that none of the tavern patrons noticed.

It was nearing closing time and yet the tavern's patrons were still in high spirits. The musicians that were playing had the rest of the establishment enthralled, save for the lone pair in the far corner booth, trying to finish their food and drinks in awkward silence.

The ride home was even more awkward, with Elsa reluctant to touch her sister's lover any more than was necessary. Kristoff was cautious as well, but he had the benefit of being distracted needing to focus on the path. Sven did seem to notice something between the two, but it was either too late and the reindeer was too sleepy to 'say' anything or he wasn't letting on.

For some reason, Elsa chose to ride behind the ice master. That was typically Anna's spot - Elsa either rode behind Anna or sat in front of Kristoff, closer to the reindeer's shoulder hump. Her arms encircled Kristoff's thick chest, her hands barely reaching each other in front. At first, she was somewhat hesitant, keeping her forearms from putting too much pressure on his flanks. But the tavern was a ways off from the castle, and Sven was picking up his pace.

To keep from falling off the reindeer, Elsa had to hold on to the ice master, tight. As warm as her body felt from the alcohol now coursing through her veins, she felt an even greater heat emanating from Kristoff. Even through the thick layers of hide and cloth of their clothing, she could feel his body heat, pulsating, radiating, a blazing furnace trapped inside that bulk of sinew and muscle.

Elsa rested her cheek on the shelf formed by the ice master's shoulder blades, burying her nose in his musky scent. Most of the ride went by in an alcohol-muddled blur. It being late at night meant that most of Arendelle had already gone to sleep or were in the process of doing so. The darkness was comforting, the queen secure in the thought that they looked just like any couple headed home after a long, eventful night. A couple. Her heart tightened a bit more as she realized she could dream just a little bit longer. As intent as she was to get home, she secretly willed Sven to trot just a little bit slower, for even just a few more seconds of this.

As the noise and lights of the still-bustling tavern grew more distant behind them, the queen felt a comforting warmth around her hands, securely interlocked in the middle of the ice master's chest. Kristoff's fingers enveloped her slender hands, encasing them in a protective cage. The queen didn't find it odd at the time that he had neglected to wear his protective mitts. Every now and then, he'd give her a reassuring squeeze.

It certainly didn't help when he began stroking the back of her hands with his bare thumb. Elsa dared to sneak a peek towards Kristoff. The ice master still looked somewhat tipsy, but focused on minding the reindeer with his remaining hand. Eyes on the road, or whatever passed for a road beneath and ahead of them. It seemed unconscious, innocuous even, as if he was stroking her skin entirely on instinct.

Even in her inebriated state, even with her skin partially numb under the effects of too much alcohol in her blood, the ice master's touch sent tiny little sparks of sensation into the soft skin on the back of her hand. Each stroke triggered a shudder that emanated not from the tip of her arm, but the very center of her being, radiating outwards and culminating in her squeezing his hard body tight with her arms.

It all went by in a blur, with the snow queen not even realizing they were already home until they were well past the open castle gates and in the courtyard of Castle Arendelle.

"Elssa, you have to let go of me now." Kristoff's voice was slightly slurry, slow and unsure. The queen looked up at the ice master and paused for a moment, a puzzled look on her face. He tapped the back of her interlocked hands. Oh, she realized. Letting go was the most difficult thing she had done in a long time, her fingers unclasping from each other as Elsa fought to command her errant hands.

Elsa vaguely saw Gerda's blurry face of disapproval as Kristoff carried her into the castle.

"Sshe's drunk," Kristoff gave the loyal servant a goofy smile.

"I believe so are you, young master." Gerda shook her head and smiled back at the pair, the disapproving look never leaving her eyes.

"I knowww." He laughed a little bit too loud. "It's pretty nicce."

"Oh, you two. Come along now," she gestured into the castle. "I've had your beds prepared." Gerda nodded at the ice master. "The princess is probably already hiding in yours," she said in a casual, almost resigned tone.

The queen felt her legs swinging off the edge of Kristoff's arm as she was carried through the castle corridors. As she wrapped her arms around his neck for support, the queen barely noticed Gerda flash her a quick look before the servant simply shook her head.

She felt her shoes being removed, before her entire body was swallowed by the softness of her bed. They were already in her quarters, and Kristoff had gently let her down into her sleeping chamber.

Elsa opened her burning eyes to see the ice master's face a foot above hers. Even in the relative darkness of her dimly-lit bedroom, she could see his brown eyes, glazed over but focused. Focused on her.

In one graceful motion, he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. The warmth of his moist lips pulled her out from her alcohol-fueled daze and refreshed the night's emotions in her heart.

Before she could say or do anything, however, Kristoff had already pulled himself up and was on his way to his own bed. A bed where, as Gerda had insinuated a few moments before, her sister awaited.

The door closed, leaving the queen nothing but the ice master's parting words, whispered softly into her ear after his lips had left her skin.

"Good night, my snow queen."

The darkness quickly overtook the room, with Elsa turning inwards to ward off the fear that wanted to creep in towards her from the edges of her bed. Fear not of the dark, but of the realization that she was again, alone. The thought that her sister and her lover were in each other’s' arms but a few doors away certainly didn't help at all.

"Good night, my ice master."

The queen of Arendelle managed to blurt out her words into the empty darkness before the sobs that she had been holding back finally burst forth and turned her into a sobbing mess.

* * *

"That's it, we're stopping for the day." Alia's voice was full of genuine concern, something that barely alleviated the mess of emotions swirling in the snow queen's heart. "Let's get you to bed."

She was slumped down onto the table, her hands on the back of her head while her right cheek was pressed down into the moist, rough wood. Her mumbled voice squeezing out the tiny opening between her arms and her mouth.

"This is bad. This is really bad." She felt every rough streak and indentation of the wooden table as she rocked her head back and forth on her forehead.

"No, it's good. The more of your memories we unearth, the closer we get to you giving me the things I need. What I need to get you out of here," Alia said.

Elsa stood up slowly, fighting against the sudden vertigo from her overtaxed mind reorganizing and reassessing her memories. She stumbled backwards into the stone wall beneath the tiny window that let in just a little bit of moonlight from outside.

"No, it's bad," the powerless snow queen shook her head and slapped her partially closed fist on the cold, rock wall. "I was in love-" she stopped abruptly, taking a deep breath and closed her eyes while a hand went up to her chest. "...am in love," she corrected herself, "...with the man my sister loves."

Alia crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Not surprised, he _is_ a fine, young man...when he's properly groomed," she commented. “And bathed,” she added. The smirk on her face evaporated as soon as she realized Elsa wasn't buying in to her attempt at lightening the current mood.

"It's not that I like him," the queen looked up at her confidante. "I can handle that. Conceal it. I'm good at that." Elsa slowly eased herself down onto the cold, stone slab that was her bed for the time being. The chill didn't bother her much, but the many dull imperfections on the roughly hewn surface dug into her tender flesh in a rather uncomfortable manner. At least her thick, unkempt hair served as a decent cushion for her head. As long as she lied on her back and stared straight upwards, a position the queen had always found uncomfortable even as a child.

"Here," Alia held a rather large loaf of bread in front of her face. "Best I can do."

The queen stared at her blankly. "I'm not hungry."

"I know," Alia answered almost immediately. "It's for your head."

"Oh," Elsa took the large loaf and placed it between the back of her head and her rocky bed. It was hard and soft at the same time. She could imagine how difficult it was to try to chew through the flesh of stale loaf, especially without Gerda's soup or broth to soften it up. But the round lump of baked flour was perfect as a pillow, relieving the pressure on her tired neck and back. She let out a groan of relief as she turned to her side, her cheek properly cushioned by the bread.

"You're welcome," she heard a voice in the newly darkened chamber. Her barrister was carrying the lone lantern as she headed for the door. "I'll have this replaced in a bit."

Elsa nodded in the darkness, for some reason knowing that Alia saw her do so.

As the older woman was reaching for the door that led to freedom, the near-asleep queen said one last thing to her. "Like I was saying." Her weary words caused Alia to pause with the door half-open, flickering light from beyond the door teasing Elsa on the wall behind. "It isn't that I fell for him. That's not the problem." Alia cleared her throat, waiting for Elsa to continue. "What hurts the most," Elsa's voice trailed off into the darkness as she envisioned her sister's smiling face, that unique look of bliss on her eyes and lips whenever she was with the ice master. She took a few deep breaths, hoping Alia would just cut and leave, but she stood there in the half-opened doorway, waiting for Elsa. She sighed and continued. "...is that I think Kristoff fell for me."

Elsa could see nothing but Alia's shadowy silhouette against the meager light from the lantern she was holding and whatever torchlight streamed in from outside. Even as a shadow, the older woman looked more regal than Elsa herself felt, with Alia's distinct duck-tailed hair coming to a point behind and above her head, flanked by her high collar. The barrister stood there for a minute, looking to be deep in thought. Finally, she turned to Elsa and whispered something right before she slipped out and closed Elsa's cell door behind her.

"I know."

The snow queen was alone in her cell. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness, assisted only by the weak moonlight that slipped in through the lone tiny window.

Vulnerable and lonely, Elsa turned to the only thought that she knew could get her through the next few minutes before she slipped off into unconsciousness.

"Good night, my ice master."


	4. Falling (I Fall Apart)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens, and Elsa sinks deeper into her growing attraction to her sister’s boyfriend. As her memories continue trickling into her recovering psyche, she realizes that to down that path lies inevitable pain and loss. That the only recourse that won’t end with her losing either of the people she loves is to keep everything in. To keep her feelings locked up inside. Conceal, don’t feel. A path she has gone down before, with disastrous consequences.
> 
> Will Elsa find out if she had the strength to let her feelings go? Did she let Kristoff know how she felt? Or did she tell Anna how she felt about the love of her sister’s life?

"Are you feeling better?" The deep, husky, yet decidedly feminine voice coming from the doorway was a welcome respite from the unmoving silence of the cold, dark night.

The Queen of Arendelle looked up from where she was slumped down on the wooden table to see the woman that she had started to look up to as an older sister set down a basket of assorted goods in front of her. Inside, two long sticks of brown bread peeked out from under a folded sheet of thick blue cloth. She could lightly smell the sweet aroma of fresh fruit amidst the scent of newly-baked bread, a combination of smells that instantly brought back memories of being served fresh meals in the castle dining room.

"I thought you could use some real food," Alia sat down across from Elsa and tapped the side of the basket. From beneath the cloth, the older woman pulled out what looked to the queen like an apple and held it out at arm's length towards her. "Might help you remember things."

Elsa stared at the unevenly-shaped fruit that was being held a foot in front of her. It was fresh, as fresh as she could remember fruits to be - glistening a pale red in the subdued chamber light. The woman that was holding it was smiling, though how genuine or sincere that smile was the queen couldn't be sure. Over the short time that she had known her, Alia seemed to have grown from someone tasked with eliciting information from the snow queen to a somewhat trusted confidante. She had become the closest that Elsa had ever had to a friend in her life. Almost like a friend. Almost.

Elsa stared across the table into a pair of dark blue eyes, flanked by even darker strands of hair, stray strands that had come loose from the mass of black hair that Alia had swept upwards and backwards behind her ending in a point above her head. She seemed sincere enough in her concern for the snow queen's well-being, as evidenced lately by this basket of supplies. Still, some things bugged the queen, little things. Things like how the dress Alia wore seemed overly formal with its high collar that framed her head like the fused petals of an exotic flower. In a way, it seemed like a more formal mirror of the ice dress that the snow queen sometimes wore during day-to-day life. Things like how Alia looked and sounded a little too much like her mother, as if she were a long-lost relative, perhaps a secret cousin or aunt, hidden away for some reason.

Still, the woman represented the one and only hope Elsa had of ever seeing her family again. Of hearing Anna's boisterous laugh, smelling Kristoff's unique smell, feeling Olaf's warmth. Whatever motives Alia kept hidden beneath what she was showing the queen, Elsa would just have to take that risk.

Slowly, Elsa reached out and took the apple being offered to her. The revelations of the recent past left the queen with a constant lack of appetite. However, as she brought the crimson globe to her lips, the recognizable scent of fruit reminded her body how long it had gone without a bite of solid food. Her stomach churned, calling out for sustenance. The harsh light from the room's lanterns cast an amber hue on the fruit she was holding in her palm. Golden.

Elsa bit into the apple.

Almost instantaneously, the sweet juice flooded into her mouth and overwhelmed her tongue. It had been a while since she had real food. Other than the bread that Alia regularly brought, it was some barely-edible slop that she couldn't even remember much. Her mind refused to commit to memory the taste of wet paper mixed with soft porridge, it was a miracle she even remembered how it felt.

In no time, the queen found herself licking and sucking on the core of the depleted fruit before realizing her companion was staring at her with a smile. If it were any other situation, Elsa would have paused, giving the older woman a horrified stare while embarrassment flooded her mind. This Elsa paused, gave Alia a quick glance, then shrugged and took another fruit from inside the basket and bit into it.

She was famished. Not for actual physical sustenance, which the standard daily fare gave her enough of, but for flavor. It took her even less time to finish this one, all through which her companion patiently sat across the table waiting for the queen to finish.

"So, how do you feel?" Alia took her clipboard out from another basket she had on the floor. Along with the wooden writing slate, she took out a stack of cleanly-machined papers and attached them to it. She carefully set the clipboard on the table in front of her, and then placed her pen on top of the fresh pile. Ready and formal as usual.

"Better," Elsa answered. She wiped some leftover juice on her lips with the back of her hand. There was a time when the normally prim and proper queen would never think of doing such a thing. However, her somewhat brief time in captivity under such spartan conditions have caused the noble woman to reevaluate the things she valued in life.

Her companion nodded, then picked up her pen and began scribbling on her notes. "How have you been dealing with recent...revelations?" Alia asked. Straight to the point, sterile and procedural just as Elsa had come to know her in their short time together. "Are you holding up?"

"Better," the queen replied. "What's happened has happened. What's important is that you get me out of here so I can go back to Kristoff-" Elsa bit her lip as the name of her sister's boyfriend jumped out her mouth ahead of her thoughts. "...to Anna. To Anna and Kristoff," she kicked herself inside as she corrected herself seconds too late. Alia didn't show any signs of noticing, although the queen had a hunch that her barrister would already have written down something in her notes.

The queen settled back down into the wooden chair she had become accustomed to. "I've been remembering more and more," she confessed. Memories of that night at _Minner_ seemed to have posed the most prominent mental block in her mind. Over the past few days, those memories had been slowly trickling in. Pictures that had once been just beyond the horizon of her mind were now slowly coming into view. Bits and pieces. A memorable image here, a familiar scent there. It felt like her mind had been asleep for a while, and something...someone had given it that kiss that would rouse her from her slumber.

"Finally," the other woman appeared to say that with a relieved tone, noticeable to the queen despite Alia's stern professional demeanor. She eagerly pushed up her long sleeves to her elbows and picked up her clipboard. "Are you ready to resume?"

"Let's do this."

* * *

The weeks following that night came back to Elsa in snippets. Sometimes they manifested themselves as a feeling. A feeling of being utterly alone. Sometimes it was a feeling of wanting something. Of wanting someone. Of wanting to be wanted. Sometimes they were composed of much baser, more primal emotions. Hunger. Thirst. Not for base sustenance but for something much deeper.

Sometimes it was a familiar sound. The sound of her sister's boisterous laughter over a joke made at the dinner table. Elsa would try to stifle her own timid laughter behind her palm while peeking out towards Kristoff laughing heartily beside her. Elsa typically sat on the other side of the modestly-long dining table, across from her sister and the ice master. But she had been sitting on their side of the table more often now, conveniently beside her sister's beau.

Other times it was a scent she had become accustomed to. The smell of reindeer musk mixed in with a former ice harvester's sweat. The three of them riding in Kristoff's new sleigh, all crammed together in the front seat while Olaf rode on Sven in front. Elsa, whose standard place was on Anna's outer side, started insisting she ride between the two lovers. Sandwiched between Kristoff's surprisingly soft yet solid bulk and her own sister's bony yet lumpy body, the queen lost herself in the mixed scent of strawberries and reindeer.

And then there were those rare times when a clean memory surfaced from the deep blue ocean of the queen's subconscious. Images as clear as the day she first experienced them, streaming into the empty holes in her memory, making her mind whole one vignette at a time.

It was one of those times, Anna had gone over to the next town to accompany a visiting diplomat. During these times of official business, her relationship with Kristoff was quite touch-and-go. They were not yet a wedded couple, and no matter how accepting the people of Arendelle were, there were things that needed to stay rumors at best, at least to the world beyond the castle walls.

That was why it wasn't a surprise to Elsa that the couple weren't as sweet as she was used to them being. Over the short time that they had been together, the royal couple had become adept at framing their relationship within the confines of Kristoff's position and Anna's royal duties. What was a surprise to the queen was what Kristoff told her over a quiet dinner one night at the castle.

"What do you mean ' _taking a break'_?" Elsa asked from across the narrow width of the wooden table they frequently had supper on in the middle of the dining hall. Times when Anna wasn't around were a double-edged sword for the recently love-struck queen. On one hand, she had the ice master all to herself, notwithstanding that all she could do was fantasize anyway. On the other hand, she had to take extra precautions lest her emotions get the better of her. That was why instead of sitting right beside him and drinking in his alluringly familiar musk, Elsa had to contend with being four feet away on the other side of the dining table.

"Uh, giving each other some space?" Kristoff was fumbling over his words attempting to explain. It seemed like he himself was quite unsure what he had just said. "It was Anna's idea. I don't get it myself," he confirmed.

Elsa's brow contorted trying to make sense of what her sister's lover was telling her. _Space? What exactly did_ _he mean?_ _Or rather, what did her sister mean?_ She eyed the ice master, noticing that he had pretty much the same perplexed look on his face that she felt on hers. This was classic Anna.

"So how does that work?" The queen leaned in, her thick braid almost swinging onto her plate. With a shake of her shoulders, she swiped the blonde mass of hair behind her. Dinner for the lithe, young woman was pretty much over anyway. She had her fill of the better part of three rolls and a few slices of smoked fish. It was a stark contrast to the pile of fillets on Kristoff's plate. And this was already Elsa with an appetite.

"I don't know," Kristoff shrugged. "To tell you the truth, I don't think Anna knows," he added. He sat back in his chair and poked at his food with his fork. "I guess we're like, doing more of our own things and less doing things together things?"

"Hmm," Elsa responded with an unconventional non-reply. Just then, a playful thought crossed her mind. "Wait, so why are you still here?" She uttered in her most formal voice while pointed a finger at him, trying to keep a smile from forming on her lips.

Kristoff's eyes grew wide in surprise. He suddenly sat up in his chair as straight as a plank of wood. "Uh I uh, work here?" He managed to stutter as he slowly pushed his half-finished plate towards the center of the table. His eyes quickly darted from side to side as confusion must have set in. Hesitantly, he began to stand.

Elsa managed to hold it in for a full minute before the smile she had been biting escaped onto her lips. A few more seconds and what started from her mouth spread upwards to her eyes and her smile turned into a rather uncharacteristically goofy grin.

The puzzlement on the ice master's face grew, slowly as he tried to make sense of what the queen meant with her words, right until Elsa's bright teeth started to show. That was when he grew his own smile as he realized he'd been had, and by the most serious person he knew in the world to boot.

"I hate you," he pouted, then stuck out his tongue at grinning companion. Kristoff plopped back down into his chair and pulled his plate back towards him. "Times like these are what reminds me that you really are your sister's sister,” he said as he picked up his fork and stuck it in a roll.

Elsa laughed. She had been noticeably becoming more lighthearted and playful the past few weeks. Whether it was from an unconscious desire to be more free-spirited like the sister that the ice master preferred, or because she truly was changing on her own as a person, the queen wasn't sur. It didn’t really matter.

What mattered to her was that smiling look that her sister's lover gave her the rest of that night. It was as if the ice master was looking at her in a new light, with a little less apprehension and a tad more casual acceptance, mixed in with a dab of disbelief.

Perhaps it was the absence of her sister that subconsciously urged her to fill in for the family playfulness quota. Elsa mused as she lay in bed that night, staring at the all-too-familiar ceiling above her. Perhaps she should send the royal princess out on errands more often.

* * *

Dinner the next evening wasn't as light-hearted. Princess Anna had returned to the castle late in the afternoon, much later than she should have, all thanks to a broken wagon wheel. She would have taken one of the horses back to the castle save for the fact that both were needed to pull the carriage and ts cargo. So it was that she was already in somewhat of a foul mood when she arroved at the castle, just in time for supper.

The argument started with an honestly innocent question by her older sister.

"So, Kristoff tells me you two are ' _taking a break_ '," Elsa raised both of her hands beside her head, each flipping the first two fingers downwards as she said that last phrase with a mischievously un-Elsalike grin. "What exactly is that?"

Anna's face momentarily lightened up in puzzlement and she turned to look at her boyfriend who happened to be sitting beside her. "You told her?" She asked, her voice a pitch higher than usual. The way her sister looked at her gave Elsa the feeling that she had intruded upon a private conversation between the two lovers.

"Yeah, she was kinda ok with it," Kristoff commented in his typical straightforward manner. The large man paused, having realized what he had just said, and poked at the half-eaten roll on his plate, one he had been munching on a minute before. The dish still had part of a chunk of roasted fish and some meat of unknown origin on top of some sliced potatoes. He pushed the roll to the far end of his plate, even though he was still in the middle of eating.

"Well," Anna placed her hands on her hips and turned to face her older sister. "As I've told you sis, Kristoff and I are getting married next year."

"We are?" Came a confused question from the man who was supposedly the love of her life. The expression on his face was one of apprehensive surprise, as if he had just stepped into a pile of something he would rather not have. It looked to Elsa like whatever dinner he had already downed was trying to come back out the way it had entered.

Elsa simply nodded without any fanfare. Anna had already told the queen of her intentions a few months back, and she had given her younger sister her blessing. Elsa tried to ignore that nagging question in the back of her mind of whether she would have said the same thing if Anna had asked her today. She dared a glance towards her sister's unwitting fiance-to-be.

Kristoff had a perplexed look on his face. From the looks of it, the young bachelor really was hearing news of his engagement for the first time. Elsa giggled, then shook her head. Her sister apparently had never bothered to ask or even inform the very man she wished to marry. Typical Anna. Elsa gave the ice master a smile out of the corner of her mouth. He turned to the queen. "She asked you?"

"A while back," Elsa nodded, attempting to remember. "It was nothing formal, Anna simply mentioned it one day and I said that I was looking forward to it."

"You are?" He asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice. "Really?"

"Of course," Elsa answered. Not really. Not that much, anymore. Wait, what was she thinking? The queen shook her head from side to side, banishing thoughts, images of Anna and Kristoff together. In moments of passion usually reserved for one's thoughts when one was alone. "Of course." She repeated, much more firmly this time. It took all her imaginative willpower to keep the face of her sister from changing into her own.

"Wait, wait, wait!" The princess set her fork down on her plate and held her hands outwards towards her lover and her older sister. "I'm getting confused." Before Elsa or Kristoff could respond, Anna continued. "Yes I told my sister we were getting married," she looked at Kristoff while pointing at Elsa. "Told. Not asked. It's a done deal." Next, the fiery princess turned to her sister. "Yes, we're taking a break," she swung her arm to point at the ice master this time. "It means he can do whatever he wants, I can do whatever I want, and we'll see what happens after."

"Wait, what?" The ice master and the queen asked in unison. Elsa looked oddly at her sister. Anything. What exactly did she mean by ‘ _anything_ ’?

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then it was meant to be." Anna's voice was as melodious as it could be as she half-sung the last half of what she said. Her sister’s words seemed familiar to the queen, as if she had read them before in one of the books in the library. A love story.

"That...kinda makes some sense," Elsa heard the her sister's boyfriend mumble.

"No it doesn't," Elsa told Kristoff. It hardly made sense to the queen. _You don't let go of something you deem precious, you let go of the things that hold you back_ , she thought. Precious things, rare things were meant to be held close, tight, and safe. She chalked it up to her younger sister’s naivete.

"I want to be sure when you marry me, you marry me because you chose me," Anna slapped the top of the table with her open hand just a little bit too hard as she almost shouted her words. Kristoff was visibly taken aback by the intensity of his lover’s statement. Elsa felt like she shouldn’t even be witnessing this brewing altercation.

"But I did choose you!" It was Kristoff's turn to raise his voice in frustration. He was holding both palms facing upwards in front of him, obviously disconcerted. “I do! I choose you!”

"I don't understand," Elsa brought her right hand up to her forehead, fingers going into her mass of blonde hair. She grasped her scalp tightly with her fingers, pressing inwards in an attempt to sooth the buzzing in her mind. Her head was starting to hurt. She turned to her younger sister. "Do you want him to consider other women?"

"But I don't want other women! I’m not even remotely interested in other women!" Kristoff pleaded. He reached out and took Anna's hand. "I want you!"

The princess took his hand and brought it up between their faces with an almost naive smile. "Great! Then this should be no problem at all!" She gleefully announced to her frazzled boyfriend.

Elsa stood up in her seat, forcing the chair she had been sitting on back with such speed that it toppled backwards onto its tall backrest. The queen barely noticed as the heavy wooden piece of antique furniture crashed to the floor. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the door on the far end of the hall open slightly, only for a servant to peek in, see the tense dining hall atmosphere, and close the door softly. Elsa felt frustration build up as she looked at her sister. This wasn't right.

"Anna! This is wrong!" The words came out of her much easier than she had anticipated they would. The queen paused. And yet she was having trouble articulating how she was feeling. Elsa pointed to both her sister and her sister’s lover. "You get back together right now! I...forbid you!" _Whoops_. That wasn't exactly what she wanted to say, and the look on her sister's face as she heard those words told Elsa all she needed to know.

"You forbid me?" The younger sister's voice suddenly took on an angry tone, one much higher than what she had already been using. "Like you forbode...forbidded..."

"-forbade," Kristoff whispered to her softly yet swiftly. Almost immediately, he must have realized what he had just done out of instinct. The ice master’s face froze in horror, his eyes wide with instant regret.

The princess gave her boyfriend a look consisting entirely of sharpened daggers. He slunk back in response, but not before flashing her a slightly guilty smile. Anna turned back towards her older sister, her freckled face much redder than before.

"Like you forbade me from leaving the castle for thirteen years? Like you forbade me from even talking to you for most of that time? Like you forbade me from marrying Hans?" Anna's words echoed loudly in the enormous dining hall. She took on a wide stance, her legs spread apart, hands grasping her waist just above her hips, as she faced her older sister.

"Uh honey, I think your sister was right on that last point-" Kristoff tried to finish his sentence but the princess cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Shh!" She threw the ice master another dirty glance before focusing back on her older sister. Slowly, the look on Elsa's face shifted from calm and stern to mirror that of her sister’s. The snow queen felt her powers tapping on the walls of her psyche as her annoyance and frustration slowly morphed into genuine anger.

"Anna!" The queen had had her fill. She slammed her fist down on the tabletop with enough force that she knew her hand would hurt in the morning. "You have no idea what you have. You've never appreciated what you have." She tried to enunciate her words as calmly as she could, although she could feel the immensely strong urge to shout back at her little sister.

"Kristoff is a great guy," she stated without looking at the ice master. Somehow, it felt easier saying what she had to say without seeing his face. Elsa didn’t have to dig deep into her mind for what she was saying. "Sure, he's a bit crass and frank, he lacks grace and finesse, and he smells funny. But underneath all that, he's the nicest man I've ever known. He's the nicest man you've ever known." _And he was ruggedly handsome._ The queen decided not to voice out that last thought.

Kristoff stood there dumbfounded, staring at his future sister-in-law. He was never used to receiving praise and this was no different. No, it was different. He was certainly not used to receiving praise from the queen herself, of all people. Out of the corner of her eye, Elsa could see him slowly slinking back and down, almost as if he were shrinking in place.

The princess on the other hand shook her head, eyes closed and teeth bared. "I know!” She yelped. “That's why I felt like I have to do this. Because I want to be sure! I want him to be sure!" Said Anna as she pumped her arms up and down like a bird flailing its wings about.

"Uh, I'm sure-" Kristoff couldn't finish his sentence again as his spouse had gestured for him to stop with her palm. He remained still, right hand half-raised in the air. It slowly started to drop, but not before Elsa answered back.

"Again, you don't appreciate what you have!" The queen felt herself almost shouting. "If I were you, I'd never let him out of my sight!" Elsa hit the tabletop with her clenched fist repeatedly. She could feel the bottom of her hand start to get numb. It didn't matter. "You two are in love, for god's sake!” She threw her hands up in frustration. “Someone has to be happy in this family!"

"How would you know what love even feels like?" Anna shouted back as she spread her arms out to the sides as if to challenge her sister. "You've never been in love with anyone in your life!"

Those words struck Elsa like an icy knife straight into her heart. The snow queen glared at her sister as tiny snowflakes started to materialize in mid-air around the trio. The room temperature began to drop.

"Yes I have." Beneath her, she felt the ice spreading from the spot where she was standing on. Miniscule thorns of solid ice grew outwards from where she had stomped her right foot into the carpet surrounding the dining table. The living ice seeped into the floor and slowly but steadily radiated outwards towards the walls.

"Oh yeah, then who? I've never even seen you show a lick of attraction towards any of the suitors that have come the past years!" The princess pointed an accusing finger at her older sister as the ground beneath her was freezing. "You have no idea what love is!"

Anna had no idea. Elsa's gaze flickered for an instant towards the ice master, her sister's lover, and she felt the icy chill in the center of her chest start to warm up. The snow queen closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and then another, commanding her ice to stop from spreading. _Calm yourself_. When she opened her eyes, the entire dining hall's floor had a light coating of tiny crystals, like a carpet of living frost. Even the floor that Anna was standing on had frozen. Only one circular spot, a few feet across, was completely devoid of any ice. A circle, at the center of which stood the Royal Ice Master and Deliverer of Arendelle.

Elsa looked in horror at her crystallized feelings, out in the open for all to see. The ice queen felt betrayed by her powers. She felt a familiar panic she had been trying to keep at bay since the Great Thaw, the one feeling that had kept her company for most of her life prior to the events of her coronation. Fear. An overwhelming sensation accompanied that feeling. A sensation coalesced into a single word. Flight.

She turned and ran to the doors, flinging them open with surprising strength and almost crashed into the five servant girls that had been eavesdropping on the royal argument that had just concluded. While the servants uttered their apologies to their queen, she picked herself up and waved them off with a whimper. Without a word, Elsa ran down the corridor towards her quarters.

"Elsa!" Behind her, her sister's cry disappeared into the castle walls. She was moving entirely on instinct, her body trained to take her straight to the one place that offered her protection all those years in the castle. The queen quickly made her way to her private quarters. She slammed the door behind her as she threw herself onto her bed and buried her face in the sheets.

Alone, the mad mixture of emotions she was feeling began to settle down as fear gave way to anger. Anger at her sister for bringing this whole mess into their lives. Anger at Kristoff for going along with her sister's deluded wishes. Anger at herself for feeling what she felt. Face deep in her pillow, the queen screamed as loud as she could, belting out her heart into the heavy woolen sheets.

So focused was the queen on spewing her raw emotions into her pillow that she failed to hear the repeated soft knocking on her bedroom door. She failed to notice her doors open and close, and failed to hear the soft steps of reindeer fur-lined shoes on her wooden floor.

Elsa felt a slight, tender tapping on the back of her bare shoulder. She spun around in her bed to see Kristoff leaning slightly over her, standing beside her bed. "Feeling better?" He asked as he straightened up and ran his fingers through his hair.

The queen sat up in her bed, legs hanging over the edge, barely touching the floor. She had cast off her shoes somewhere, or melted them off. She couldn't remember if she was wearing real shoes or ones she had made out of magical ice. Part of her dress had slipped down her left shoulder during her tantrum and she pulled it up without looking at Kristoff. Elsa nodded. "Better," she managed to cough out. “Better,” Elsa repeated, her voice hoarse and husky from screaming.

"I'd like to apologize for that," Kristoff continued scratching his head. His dirty blonde locks swept back and forth over his brown eyes as he did. Elsa tried not to look into them as she wiped away tears that were beginning to leak out from behind her eyes. "For whatever that was earlier."

"No, it's ok." Elsa shook her head and attempted to flick her now-messy braid over her shoulder. The tip had worked itself loose and her platinum blonde hair frayed wildly out from the end of what looked like a half-finished braid. "Anna..."

"She'll pull through. I've seen you guys fight before. Never been in the middle of one, but I’ve seen worse. She always pulls through." Kristoff sat down beside his future sister-in-law. His hands clasped each other just above his lap and he began unconsciously twiddling his thumbs. "You know your sister. She's just being...Anna."

That brought a smile to the queen's lips. A tiny sniffle escaped her tightly-pressed lips. She managed to laugh just a little bit before she decided that she was still somewhat angry at her sister and forced her smile back inside her mouth. "She's being exceedingly difficult. And naïve. And young. And childish. And crazy,” Elsa paused to breathe. “It's like she wants you to see other women."

"I'm not going to see other women," Kristoff said reassuringly. There wasn't a single hint of insincerity in his voice, which simply angered Elsa even more. How could her sister be so damn naive? Here was a man, so totally devoted to her, definitely more so than the last one. Then again, Anna had always been the more trusting of the sisters.

"She wants you to, and she wants you to choose her still,” Elsa remembered where she had first encountered what Anna had said earlier about letting your loved ones go. “I've read the same book. Numerous times, actually. It's just a stupid fairy tale, for little girls with nothing but their hopes and dreams." The queen closed her eyes, thinking about what Anna had said. But she was wrong. Loving something meant holding onto it tightly and never letting go. Because life will take it from you. Some people don’t even have that chance. Some people never get that chance.

Elsa remembered reading that book and many others like it in her youth. Locked away in her room, isolated from the rest of the world, isolated from the future, she read and read and read. She knew what it was like to have nothing but her hopes and dreams. And to have those hopes and dreams taken from her, thrown outside to be dashed on the rocks below. Her sister was wrong. She knew how it felt to love – or to be in love with someone she could never have. Elsa took a deep breath, savoring that scent of musky reindeer hide she had become accustomed to over the past year. That scent that her body and heart had grew to yearn for in the past few weeks. Against her will. She thought for a while that the earth was moving beneath her, until she noticed it was her own body trembling, shaking from within.

Let it go.

Elsa opened her eyes, her heat thumping rapidly against the inside of her chest. "My sister wants you to see other women? Here!" Before Kristoff could react, before he could push her away or mount a complaint, before he could even realize what was happening, Elsa grasped the collar of his shirt, pulled him downwards towards her and enveloped his lips with her own.

Twenty two years of loneliness, thirteen years of isolation, a year of excitement and weeks of yearning exploded from down within the depths of her body flaring up into a blazing sensation that culminated in a searing heat that died on Elsa's trembling lips. It was nothing like she ever felt before. It was a tingling that started in her belly, or beneath it, then grew outwards, multiplied tenfold and just took over her entire body, overloading all her senses.

It felt like time had stopped, as evidenced by the snowflakes that neither party realized hung motionless in the thick and heavy air that surrounded them both. Tiny snowflakes that despite remaining in place suspended by invisible strings from the ornate ceiling, were actually spinning rapidly, revolving around the axis of their formation. Pieces of the snow queen’s soul that refused to submit to the pull of the Earth, freed of their earthly tether. Defying gravity.

It wasn’t clear which of the two broke away from the other first. It was more of a mutual drifting apart as the reality of what had just taken place sunk in to both of their conscious minds. Elsa opened her eyes once more, having found that she had shut them tight while experiencing heavenly bliss. Abject shock and horror slowly crept in from her subconscious, but refused to reflect on her face. She merely stared back at her sister’s lover, the man with who she had just shared her first kiss.

Kristoff stared back into her eyes, a mix of confused guilt and apprehension leaking out from his inner thoughts. Despite that, Elsa couldn’t tell what he was thinking. What jumbled mess of emotions was probably going through his mind. The couple stared into each other’s eyes as the room grew even colder and colder, so much that smoke began to come out of Kristoff’s mouth with each labored breath.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the ice master spoke. "I uh have to go." With those words, Kristoff quickly rose to his feet, spun around and left her room. As soon as her doors closed, she could hear him break into a run down the corridors of Castle Arendelle.

* * *

"You kissed him?" Alia asked, the neutral tone of her voice refusing to divulge how she was feeling about the queen’s confession.

Elsa nodded. She found herself staring at the far wall, on the opposite side of the room from the torch-lanterns on the wall. She was staring at the flickering figures, shrouded in shadow, projected onto the mottled grey of the hewn rock wall. And yet she was staring at nothing, nothing but the space between worlds, the space that existed only in her memories. Elsa shook her head. Then she nodded once more, to no one in particular.

It all made so much sense now. As the pieces locked into place, Elsa realized why she had been feeling what she had been feeling. She turned inwards and looked for that tiny seed of doubt that had been planted in her heart. A glimmer of realization flashed before the former snow queen's eyes, enough so that her confidante noticed the slight change in her demeanor.

"Elsa?"

"When I told you I thought I killed someone, it felt like I had done the most terrible thing in the world." Elsa began in a soft, steady voice that barely belied the trembling in her chest. She looked at Alia, sitting across the table. The other woman had set down her clipboard and was hanging on to her every word. Elsa continued. "That's what it was. A feeling. A feeling that something terrible, horrible had happened because of me." She paused, then shook her head as she looked down at her open palms. The snow queen felt a brief flash of fright as she instinctively fought to keep her nonexistent powers from materializing.

"Killing someone is the worst thing I could do. It still is, I think." It was true. Her most terrible memory, right after holding her sister's frozen body that fateful day on the fjord, was of that time she had almost killed those men sent after her. Memories that, thinking about them now brought goosebumps to her flesh. If she still had her powers, no doubt she would have been trying to keep herself from flaring out.

"But I was wrong," said the former snow queen as she balled her open hands into tiny fists. She could feel the tips of her fingers digging in against the soft skin of her inner palms. In a way, the pain felt somewhat refreshing. "This is the most terrible thing in the world," Elsa's voice softened into a tiny whisper that could barely be heard even in the austere confines of her cell. "I killed my sister's happiness."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Elsa dear." Alia was looking at her with a slight sadness. She was starting to understand. But the tone of her voice sounded somewhat dismissive. As if the queen was failing to properly convey the gravity of how she was feeling. "It was just a kiss. One kiss. Just one kiss."

"It was a long kiss."

Alia shook her head in response, the weak smile on her face hinting that she herself wasn’t fully convinced of her own words. "A," she paused for emphasis. "...long kiss. One. Singular." She held her index finger out for effect. "Besides, you kissed him," she said almost teasingly. "He wasn't the one who kissed you. Did he even kiss you back?"

The question hung unanswered between the two women as the snow queen fell introspectively silent. That was a thing? Elsa wondered, and then realized she had nothing to draw upon. She had no experience at all with this particular line of thinking.

"I...I don't...how am I supposed to know?" Elsa gave Alia an incredulous look. "How would I know?" She exclaimed, her voice energized to her surprise. "I've never kissed anyone before that."

"Did he return your kiss?" Alia's face contorted as she stopped to think. "I don't know, did he hold you? Did he put his arms around you? Uh..." It was clear to Elsa that her companion and would-be savior was just as clueless as she was when it came to this particular topic. For some obscure reason, it raised her spirits some to know that the stern, professional woman she had entrusted her freedom to was also somewhat of a kindred spirit. From a certain point of view.

The puzzled look on Alia's face persisted as she looked upwards in thought, saw her vision obstructed by her raven black hair, and then blew upwards in an attempt to sweep her hair out of her eyes. "Did he try to suck your lips back? Did he suck on your lower lip?" She continued, pausing to think. "Did he use his tongue? Are you laughing at me?"

Elsa couldn't help herself. The queen was giggling slightly, mostly inside her throat but some tiny, high-pitched noises managed to make their way past her lips. Alia's eyes widened as her eyebrows tried to meet each other above her tiny, pointed nose. After a few moments, the other woman settled back into her typical calm look and shook her head at herself. It almost seemed to Elsa as if her older companion was jealous. Not that there was anything to be jealous of.

And then the oddest, most unexpected thing happened. Elsa thought at first that a bird had managed to fly into her cell and was calling out for help. But the odd bird call reverberating against the prison walls turned out to be coming from the raven-haired woman sitting across from her. Alia was laughing.

The queen, already in a lightened mood, joined in partially of her own free will and partially because her lawyer’s laughter was infectious. The two women laughed out loud, at each other, to each other, upwards to the sky hidden behind walls of rock and stone.

After they both had had their fill, when both women had their hands on the table between them, supporting their still-shaking bodies, breathing heavily and noisily as they struggled to force life-giving air back into their exhausted selves, Alia looked up at Elsa and asked her a question.

"Well how was it?"

* * *

Later, when Alia had left and after a supper of warm bread and soup, the former snow queen of Arendelle found herself alone once more. Lying down on the cold, damp bed, Elsa closed her eyes and lost herself in her recently unearthed memories.

One memory in particular, gave her enough warmth to accompany her into slumber. The memory of the ice master's soft, warm lips enveloping her mouth. Elsa remembered how her body had trembled as he took the entirety of her lower lip and agonizingly drew it into his own. The way his teeth grazed her tender flesh and sent tremors of sensation down her neck, through her bosom and into her butterfly-filled stomach. Elsa remembered the way her legs gave way beneath her, leaving her hanging onto him with her arms as Kristoff slipped his soft, fat tongue into her mouth. The way it caressed the inside of her cheeks, the way he used it to gently tickle and tease her own tongue, drawing it outwards until the they met in that space between and beneath both of their lips. There, they slid against and ravaged each other, a lingual dance of unbridled passion as the rest of their bodies stood frozen in space and time.

The young snow queen felt an incredible tightness beneath her navel, in that area somewhere between her legs as she drifted into the warm, familiar, passionate embrace of her hopes and her dreams.


	5. Sweetness Follows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout from the events of the last chapter begin to catch up with our young lovers. With Alia’s assistance, Elsa has finally reached a breakthrough in recovering one of the major missing events in her lost memories. A simple memory of a moment of pure happiness for the beleaguered snow queen.
> 
> Still, doubts in Elsa’s mind endanger her potential happiness. Was it a fluke? Is her one-sided romance with her sister’s lover as it seems? And how will these past revelations - glimpses of a past that has already occurred - threaten the very heart of the family that they have worked so hard to rebuild?

It was a river of prickly warmth that slowly dribbled down the length of her parched throat and kindled the fire that had been slowly nesting deep in her heart.

"Well?"

Elsa, former snow queen of Arendelle and current solitary captive in this prison cell in the middle of nowhere, coughed to clear her throat of the vile liquid that had just violently assaulted it. "Exquisite?" She managed to mumble as she brought the goblet she held up to her mouth only to stop as the rim was about to touch her lips. She leaned forward, bringing her nose over the top of the metal cup as she swirled the liquid within. "It tastes like something Anna and I used to steal from father's liquor cabinet when we were little," said the young queen. Nothing like a familiar aroma to bring back nostalgic memories of her childhood as a young crown princess, playful and mischievous just like her younger sister. But that was long ago, in a lifelong past. "Before the accident," she added, giving voice to her innermost thoughts.

"It _is_ from the castle," said Alia.

Elsa's head whipped back towards the bottle that Alia was holding, her single blond braid following suit as it cleanly slid from behind her neck back to its natural resting spot over her left shoulder. "You've been to the castle?" The imprisoned queen asked as she rose to her feet in a burst of excitement. "Tell me how Anna and Kristoff are? Why haven't they visited me? Do they even know I'm here?" There were so many questions to ask, and her lips could barely keep up with her mind.

It was in the middle of a flurry of questions received when Alia raised her palm at her client, a gesture for Elsa to sit back down and stop talking. "I have not been able to speak to your sister," she answered to Elsa's dismay. "I'm sorry," she added in an apologetic tone.

"But you were at the castle?” The queen asked, trying hard not to picture those large, lonely halls that she now missed so much. Halls that were occasionally enlivened by the sounds of laughter, usually from the princess. However much Elsa wished that her lawyer did make contact with her sister, it did make sense that she could not. Alia was just a mere public defender, she wouldn’t have had official access to the royal family, not like her client did. Still, Elsa realized. She might have some news _from_ the castle. “At least tell me they're fine. Tell me they're doing ok!" Elsa struggled hard to contain her emotions. The thought of being so close and yet so far from her family threatened to break the balance that she had so carefully tried to build over their past few sessions.

Alia shook her head, long strands of black hair swaying in front of her eyes. "I'm sorry, I...don't know." Before her client could audibly press her for more details, she continued speaking. "Because of who I am to you, because of my role in this, I am not permitted to see the princess." The older woman reached across the table and took Elsa's hands as the other's shoulders slumped in visible defeat. "Don't worry. Once this is over, we'll make sure they come to see you."

Elsa nodded, though she couldn't quite feel the gravity behind Alia's words, despite her honest sincerity. She wanted to believe. And yet while her mind was doing all that it could to keep her alive, her heart refused to cooperate with her wishes. The queen sighed and gazed upwards at the tiny window that acted as a reminder that there was still a world out there waiting for her return. After a few introspective moments, her head bowed down back to take in the reality of her cell and the lone hope of her freedom sitting across from her.

"You will see them again. I promise," said Alia. She uncorked the bottle that stood on her half of the table and poured some more of the reddish liquid into Elsa's goblet. "Have some faith."

_Faith_. The queen let out a somewhat sarcastic laugh as she downed the foul liquid in a single swig, letting it assault her throat once more. While she thought that the burning sensation would help usher her into a feeling of oblivious bliss, all it did was bring her back memories of happier times. After a few minutes, it even started to taste like the common swill often served at their favorite tavern, which Anna would insist on drinking over the lighter mead that Elsa preferred.

"Wait," a thought suddenly entered the queen's mind as she stared at the contents of her cup. The acrid smell emanating from the cup reminded her of its potency. "Is this even supposed to be here?" She quickly glanced towards the door, fearful a guard would come in and see the two drinking what she feared was probably contraband. "Are we allowed to drink this? Here? Am I?" She asked hurriedly in a hushed manner.

Alia had already taken a much more relaxed pose than she usually did, with her left arm slumped over the back of her chair while her right hand handled her own goblet. She shrugged towards her client, the queen, giving her a sly, almost mischievous smile. "At this point, I don't think it matters," she said right before bringing her drink to her lips and taking another slow, controlled sip. Her eyes never left Elsa’s.

"Ok." Elsa eyed the door carefully as she drank some more. She listened for the sound of keys being turned in the lock, of the clanking of footsteps, of voices just outside her cell. Nothing. Then again, what was the worst that could happen? Her cell was already as bare as it could be. There was nothing more they could do to her. She had nothing left to take. Nothing but her life. Surely her captors wouldn't dare execute the queen of Arendelle. Definitely not for simply having contraband in her own cell. That last, morbid thought lingered in the queen's mind as she looked down her nose at the bottom of her now-empty chalice.

After a few minutes of silence, Alia tapped the table with her cup. "Well?" She placed the goblet beside her clipboard, on the table in between the two women, already with a fresh stack of papers on top. She then took her pen out from one of the folds within her dress and dabbed it into the pale blank sheet of paper, ready to record whatever the queen could drag out from her damaged mind this time. "Ready to proceed?"

Elsa nodded.

* * *

The days after the kiss were the worst, with Elsa carefully avoiding the object of her affection as much as she humanly could. Daytime was easy. The queen could easily bury herself in work and she did so. Ruling a kingdom was quite difficult and time-consuming, especially during such a tumultuous time in the region. Many of the surrounding countries and kingdoms were undergoing political turmoil. The tiny Kingdom of Arendelle, sandwiched between larger, more populous nations, had been relatively unaffected until recently. As the queen had been learning from her advisers and emissaries the previous month, this turmoil had finally reached their shores. Between meetings with her advisors and parliament, the people who actually ran the kingdom, her days were as relatively Kristoff-free as she could afford.

Night time was another matter entirely. Dinner was awkward, with the queen and the ice master refusing to make direct contact with each other for the first few nights. If any of the servants noticed, they kept their mouths closed, at least when in the presence of the royal family. This continued to the point that their princess noticed, and was forced to intervene one night.

"Are you guys mad at each other or something?" Asked Anna innocently. It was after supper and she must have noticed that the two most important people in her life had not spoken a word to each other for the past few dinners. For a brief moment, Elsa briefly considered feigning anger at Kristoff for some imagined slight, but she couldn't find it in her to fake emotions where real ones already reigned.

"No," Kristoff replied, not a single sign of distress or uneasiness in his voice. If he cared at all, he seemed very adept at not showing it to the queen. "Your sister's probably just tired from all the work she's been doing, isn't that right Elsa?" He was looking her in the eye, and Elsa couldn't find any trace of the man that she had just shared her first kiss with less than a week ago.

"Yes, very tired," she managed to mumble. Beneath the table, she was curling her toes inwards subconsciously as she felt her knees trembling against each other.

"Hmm," Anna appeared to accept her boyfriend's excuse. "Okay." There was a hint of hesitation in her voice. While Elsa was extremely uncomfortable with other people, she had known her sister long enough to be able to pick that hesitance out. Still, the princess shrugged and tapped her lover on the arm before she went ahead. "You two are all I have. Don't fight, okay?" She casually commented as she skipped out the doors, leaving the queen and the ice master alone in the dining hall. Obviously on purpose. _She knows_.

That left Elsa and Kristoff standing alone with nothing but the electrically charged air between them.

"Um, hi." Elsa managed to cough out after what must have been minutes of silence.

"Hi," was Kristoff's hesitant reply.

Elsa found herself fiddling with the hem of her sleeve while she looked downwards at her feet. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the ice master's figure tracing figures on the floor with the tip of his shoe. At least she wasn't alone in her predicament. Funny, she realized. This would have been the perfect time for her ice to flash out. But there was nothing.

"Are we going to talk about it?" Asked Kristoff after a long bout of silence. Elsa froze. _'It'_. Of course. The queen paused, shook her head, took a deep breath, and then shook her head again.

"It," she repeated from her thoughts. Whoever thought that so much emotion, so much of the queen's hopes and dreams, of her pain, her guilt, her shame, could be encapsulated in a single unassuming word? Again, that tiny spark that she had been trying to keep hidden in her heart was threatening to burst forth and envelop her body in a torrent of flames.

"We can't go on like this,” he said. “Anna's going to notice." Kristoff took a step towards Elsa, then stopped. It seems she wasn't the only one warring with herself. “If she hasn’t already.”

With a bounce of her hair, the queen gave a curt nod. "Not here. Not now." She gave the door a glance, wondering if her sister was listening outside and would barge in at any moment, saving them the trouble of dealing with whatever this was.

"Later then?" The ice master suggested. "When she's asleep?"

Elsa looked into his eyes for the first time in days. Surprisingly, she didn't break down in a mess of emotions as she had been worrying she would. But _'it'_ was right there, tempting her through those deep, brown eyes hiding behind a few strands of dirty blonde hair. Behind that large, aquiline nose, above those lips that her sister had intimately known for some time now.

"Yes. Later." Said the queen as she gathered the bottom of her dress and headed for the door behind her. She could hardly wait.

* * *

It was sometime past midnight when the queen was roused from her slumber by a soft knocking echoing in her otherwise silent bedroom. Elsa bolted upright in her bed, a look of surprise on her face. For a moment or two, fright coursed through her body as she wondered if she had slept past her meeting with the ice master. But a few more knocks let her know that she had woken up just in time.

She stepped out of bed as quietly as she could, carrying herself lightly on her feet towards her bedroom door. She was almost halfway across her room when she realized that the knocking didn't seem to be getting louder as she neared the gateway to her private quarters. In fact, the sound was all wrong. A decade of Anna knocking on her bedroom door ingrained into her memory exactly all the different sounds that could be made by knocking on her door. That was not the sound of a hand tapping on thick wood. What she was hearing was a slight tapping...on glass?

The window! There, just outside the triangular panes of glass that sheltered her room from the outside world, framed by thick drapes tied off to the sides of the wooden window frame, was the silhouette of a large man, crouched low as if trying to avoid being seen. At first Elsa thought it was an assailant, but she recognized the man's build and frame almost immediately. Which was rather easy since she had him on her mind for the past few hours. He was wearing an unmistakable fur cap, the one she adored with the fluffy round ball on top. Kristoff.

Elsa rushed to the window and opened it. "What in the world are you doing out there?" She whispered as loudly as she could. Outside, the pale light of the moon barely illuminated the many slants and slopes of the castle's roof. Many were impossibly steep but quite a few areas were gentle enough to step out onto. Her sister used to go out onto the roof all the time when they were young, usually to Elsa's window in an attempt to get her to go out of her room. That was when her father had heavy curtains put up over her windows. Thick and heavy drapes that she still maintained to this day.

"I figured we shouldn't let anyone see us. It's probably safer this way." Kristoff said through his chattering teeth. He stroked his arms rapidly with his hands. It was noticeably cold outside, Besides his hat, the former ice harvester was wearing nothing but short pants and a simple light tunic, both of a fabric so thin she could make out the color of his flesh underneath his shirt.

Kristoff noticed Elsa staring, and turned his head slightly away but not before she could see him blush even in the dim moonlight. "Sorry, I had to sneak out and this was all I could do without making too much noise." He explained.

"Anna?" She asked, looking back behind the ice master towards where her sister’s room was. It was on the other side of one of the sloped roofs. Elsa realized in all her years of living in her rooms, staring outside her window dreaming of a life that was once out of her reach, she never figured out where Anna’s room actually was.

"Sleeping," he said to the queen's relief. "Shh," he held a finger up to his lips. "If you listen real hard, you can hear her snore. Ever from way over there." He pointed back towards the other side of the roof where her sister's room was located.

Elsa managed to stifle a giggle. She could picture it. In the past year or so, she and her younger sister had spent many a night falling asleep in the same room while catching up with each other's lives. Making up for lost time. Since both sisters already considered Kristoff to be part of the family, most of the time he was there as well. And often he would carefully wake Elsa up in the middle of the night just so they could hear her sister snore in a very un-princesslike manner. And snore she did.

"Where are we going?" Elsa asked as her sister's lover reached out and offered his hand from just outside her window. She stared at the pale flesh of his gloveless hand. Just the thought of holding it - holding him - brought a shiver up her arm. Her skin threatened to erupt with goosebumps.

"I dunno, somewhere private. Where we can talk without anyone knowing. I was thinking one of the castle spires." Kristoff gestured upwards over the roof that hung above the queen's head, past it and to the tall parapets that rose beyond. It was a sound plan. The spires were as private as it could get outside their respective quarters while still within the security of the castle grounds. The guards were all downstairs on the lower levels and the servants rarely if ever ventured up there. It was a good idea. In theory.

"Okay, let's go." The queen opened the window wider so Kristoff could slip inside her room. It was a long walk to any of the staircases that led up there, and the taller spires were on the other side of the castle but Elsa figured most of the servants were already asleep. She wasn’t looking forward to sneaking around in her own home but what had to be done had to be done. "Kris?" She was a few steps back in her room when she realized the ice master still hadn't stepped inside.

She saw his silhouette shake his head. "Too risky. I know Gerda sends maids to check the hallways every now and then. Especially at this time of the night." Kristoff put a hand on his face as if momentarily dealing with a pang of guilt or embarrassment. "Believe me, I know." He added. Somehow, Elsa had an idea what he meant. She went back to the window to see him offer his hand again.

"Wait, how do you expect us to get there?" The queen eyed him suspiciously. It was then she noticed the coil of rope that the former mountain man had slung over his shoulder, with what looked like one of his ice picks that he used for climbing mountains. Climbing. Elsa looked out at the severe slope of the roof outside her window, her gaze following the steepness up towards the center of the castle where the high spires were. "No," her eyes widened in fear. She never thought it would come up in her daily life but height wasn’t something she felt comfortable with.

"That's ok. You wanna talk in here instead?" Kristoff asked, looking just a little bit disappointed. It seemed like the ice master was looking forward to the climb the queen had just surreptitiously aborted.

Just as she was about to agree, Elsa heard what might have been footsteps just outside her room. They were soft, but unmistakable through the thick wooden doors. In a bout of panic, she grabbed Kristoff's still outstretched hand and leapt out the window. The wind was deceptively strong outside and she found herself clinging to the ice master's body, her arms wrapped around his thick torso. She dared not look down. Knowing they were this high up was enough to send her mind into a spiral, some part of it wanting to just let go and fall, fall down.

"Elsa," she heard a stifled voice above her, along with a touch of pinpoint pressure on the top of her head. She looked up to see Kristoff straining while tapping the crown of her head with his thick chin. "I can't breathe,” he whispered. “You're holding on too tight."

_Oh_. As the fear drained away into a controlled skittishness, it was slowly replaced by other, warmer sensations. She could feel every solid bump, every tense muscle in his back as she clutched his body through his thin shirt. Elsa slowly disentangled herself from him, but seeing the rather dangerous slope of the roof they were almost stepping on, she instead wrapped her arms around Kristoff's arm.

"A-are you certain this is safe?" She asked, looking at the castle roof. The tiles that covered most of the slopes looked quite decrepit. Quite a number of them were either dislodged from their original places and some were even downright missing. Elsa made a mental note to raise some funds for castle roof rehabilitation as the couple carefully made their way up the roof towards the tall spires in the center of Castle Arendelle. Hopefully, the rope and the ice pick weren’t needed. He was not sticking those into _her_ roof.

"Pretty sure," he said in a reassuring tone, gesturing towards the full expanse of the linked castle rooftops. From up here, Elsa could see it was a patchwork of linked slopes, planks and walkways. "Anna does it all the time." Of course she did.

Minutes felt like hours as the queen carefully picked where she placed each foot, one after the other, following in Kristoff's much larger footsteps. The former ice harvester was used to climbing sheer rock faces, and he led the way confidently. Eventually, they found themselves outside the conical tower of one of the taller spires. It was there that they encountered a problem.

"Window's locked," Kristoff's words took a few moments to sink in before Elsa felt a tinge of panic. They had just traversed what seemed like an hour's worth of rooftops. The twenty two year old queen found herself out of breath and was clearly exhausted. Perhaps she should have taken her sister up on her constant offers to go ice harvesting with Kristoff, she thought. In contrast, the ice master seemed fine, if not just a bit cold. His breath lightly fogged up in the early morning air. He was clearly still used to physical exertion despite not having needed to harvest ice for a living anymore.

"What do we do?" Elsa asked weakly. She was in no mood to double around and turn back, not so soon anyway. Now that they were at their destination, the queen realized she hadn't really thought about the trip back down.

"Over here," Kristoff led her behind the tower, up another slanted roof and then on top of the tower they were intending on breaking into. The roof was sloped at a more comfortable angle, enough that they could sit down on it without any danger of rolling off. The queen felt her fear prod at her from the depths of her subconscious. She tried to ignore it as best as she could.

Elsa plopped down onto the tiled surface, right beside where Kristoff had already sat down mere moments before. "Well, we're on it. Not exactly in it but close enough." The queen shook her head but said nothing. Even during times like these, he was making her smile. She looked up at the ice master's face, lightly illuminated in profile by the moon's light, his feathery hair dancing lightly in the wind. The former mountain man had come a long way from the overly serious loner that had rescued her sister time and time again during the Great Freeze. Her sister had clearly rubbed off on him. Elsa took a deep breath, let his musk fill her sinuses, and found that her sister had rubbed off on her boyfriend in more ways than one, the queen realized to her dismay.

"You smell of her," Elsa said, almost lamentingly. She tried hard to ward off certain images in her head. Images where under normal circumstances, she would have welcomed and even cherished, as long as she could substitute her face over her sister's shapely body.

Kristoff immediately took on a guilty look. "Yeah, we uh...you know. Before she fell asleep." He didn't need to say more. It now made sense what he was doing in what essentially was underclothing. Elsa let out a long, pained sigh of surrender as she tried to block out her sister's unmistakable scent.

After a long bout of silence, Elsa spoke. "What happened to _'taking a break'_?" She asked, threads of insecurity audibly present in her quivering voice.

"Uh yeah, that." Kristoff stretched his legs out in front of him, his feet almost hanging from the edge of the tower’s tiled roof. "We're..." his voice trailed off while he seemed to struggle with his words. "It's..." He spent a full minute fidgeting, alternating between looking at some distant shadow somewhere down below and then at the empty space between his feet. "...complicated." He finally completed his hanging sentence in a way that simply gave the queen more questions to ask.

And yet, she seemed all content to simply sit there with her own thoughts, silent and brooding. _Complicated_. Such an understatement and yet it was the most appropriate word that described their predicament, ice master and princess, princess and queen, queen and ice master.

"Was it a mistake?" Asked Elsa. She brought a finger up to her mouth to stroke her chapped lips. She didn't realize the longing she had been feeling until just then. That one moment when she felt as if the entire world didn't matter. She wanted more.

"I don't know." Kristoff answered after a significantly long pause. She could hear him tapping his foot on the roof as he fidgeted. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him press his lips together tightly as he softly rested his chin on the tip of his thigh. "I don't think so."

The queen sighed and bowed her head. She couldn't imagine what must have been going through her sister's lover's mind. Or heart. Did this bother him as much as it gnawed at the edge of her sanity? Was he as torn as she was? She didn't even consider if it was the other way around.

"Do you love her?" Elsa blurted her question out of nowhere. She already knew the answer to the question but she wanted to hear it again, from his lips. Somehow, she thought hearing it would help banish the pressure her feelings were putting on her.

"Of course." _Of course_. The ice master's words felt like a sharp, thin knife straight to her gut. What was she expecting? Her sister was the best thing that had ever happened to the young man. He was the best thing that had ever happened to the young princess of Arendelle. They were made for each other. Like two sides of the same coin. Different faces of the same snowflake. And Elsa, the queen of ice and snow, was meant to be alone. Fated. As if destiny had dictated that she and she alone had to bear the weight of the world upon her tiny back. Still, there was a tiny sliver of hope. Still, there was the matter of _the kiss_.

Elsa licked her lips, remembering the sensation of his warm, soft lips around them. She had to ask him the one question that had been floating around in her mind for the great majority of her waking moments. That one question, borne from that night, pulled out of her jumbled consciousness with a single act of passion. It couldn't have been a mistake.

"Do you love me?" She asked in a voice so weak, she could barely hear herself over the sound of a night so peaceful, the sound of the boats on the far shore reverberated against the external castle walls that surrounded their rooftop tryst.

Those boats anchored on the other side of the fjord, on the shore closer to the town might as well have been floating right beside the couple in thin air. The silence that followed her question charged the air with so much weight, the queen was having trouble breathing. Somewhere in the dark, a bird crowed, followed by the sound of a rock hitting water.

"I don't know. Maybe?" Kristoff whispered. Her sister's lover turned away from her to gaze at the dark skies above. He shook his head and took a few deep breaths, smoke escaping from his mouth. "I think so." He pulled in one of his legs, bent at the knee, and rested his forehead on it. She could barely hear his muffled voice even in the silence of the night. "Yes."

Elsa felt a lump in her chest. As if her heart was attempting to climb up towards the base of her throat. Her knuckles grew white as she clutched at the roughness of the roof, her fingertips digging into the moss-encrusted wood. The young queen laid down on her back and then turned to rest on her side, facing away from her companion as she pulled her knees upwards to her chest.

She felt a certain pressure behind and around her eyes, a kind of pulsing that seemed to be entwined with the knot in her neck, holding on to her tongue and keeping it immobile. She dared not take another breath, lest her body betray the raw emotion that was swirling within. And yet she had to, for despite her command of the wind and snow, she was still human. A vulnerable young woman with the weight of her world upon her shoulders. Shoulders that had just received a bit more load to carry. _A bit more_.

Elsa slowly turned over and found her head resting on Kristoff's lap. What little was visible of the fjord was becoming blurry from the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. Thankfully, it wasn't meant to be as her arduously controlled breathing kept her soul from escaping through her eyes. She tried to compose herself, over and over again but she kept returning to the edge, the brink of breaking down without the cathartic release that her tears, unimpeded would bring.

Minutes passed with Elsa and Kristoff frozen in time on that tiny rooftop. Words seemed to escape both ice master and snow queen and they simply ended up staring into the darkness together.

"What do we do now?" Elsa managed to collect her thoughts long enough for a whispered question.

"I don't know," was Kristoff's only answer.

* * *

"Here." Alia emptied the last remnants of the bottle of wine into the goblet in front of Elsa.

Without a word, her client took the partially filled cup, brought it to her lips, and downed its crimson contents in a single, continuous motion. It was a large vessel, and it was more half-full than half-empty. It took Elsa a few seconds to see the bottom of her chalice, which she swiftly slammed back down onto the tabletop. The heavy wooden surface shook as she did.

"Good stuff." She looked at Alia with bloodshot eyes and smiled wide enough that her teeth peeked out from behind her thin, pale lips. She felt hot. There was a pulsating layer of heat that lay just beneath her skin, trying to claw itself out. She found herself looking upwards at the tiny hole in the ceiling that led to freedom. It seemed to move in a circle above their heads, along with the rest of the room.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." Alia took the queen by the arm and helped her to her feet. The older woman, taller and less lanky as she might be, still struggled with her younger counterpart as she guided her to the stone slab that served as the cell’s bed. Elsa for the most part didn't care or even notice. All she could really focus on was the heat that embraced her like a thick woolen scarf wrapped around her neck.

"Alia?" Lying down on her slab, Elsa looked up at the woman she had come to think of as an older sister. In her highly intoxicated state, the other woman looked even more like a young facsimile of her mother, albeit with much darker hair and a sharper smile. It took all her remaining mental might not to call the woman who was probably just a few years older than she was, _'mama.'_

"Yes?"

"Thanks. For everything." Elsa was barely aware that she was starting to slur her words, or that she was pressing her cheek into the cold stone slab, her mouth already leaving a dark mask where wetness had dribbled down from within her mouth and out her partially-swollen lips.

Elsa felt her head being eased upwards, and then back down onto something softer than the stone slab she had been lying down on. She wasn't sure if it were just the alcohol, but it felt much softer than the loaves of bread she had been sleeping on the past few times. Besides, she had just finished the last one before her lawyer had arrived.

She felt a hand on her forehead, cold and yet warm at the same time. It was Alia, checking to see if she was okay before the barrister went on her way. Just like her mother did when she was still a young princess of Arendelle. Elsa smiled upwards at her one remaining companion.

Over the course of the former snow queen's narration, the two women had slowly eroded any pretense of formality between them. Formally, they were still beleaguered queen and reluctant public defender, but they had slowly come to see each other as what they essentially were. Two young women whose lives had become intertwined through some accident of fate. Two souls who were trying to make the most of the bad situation at hand.

Alia smiled back while simultaneously shaking her head. "Thank you too. But we have a long road ahead of us. Thank me when this is over. When you're out of here." She dabbed at the queen's lips with a small napkin, wiping the drool that was leaking from her mouth. After making sure Elsa's blanket was covering her up to her neck and yet still over her bare feet, the older woman went back to the table to collect her things. Her clipboard, the cups and empty bottles went back in the basket.

"Do you think Anna will ever forgive me?" Elsa peeked out from underneath her sheets, one glazed eye squinting at the blurry, raven-haired figure cleaning up. She felt terrible for what she did. The few things that she had already been able to remember. But there was a nagging feeling in the back of her head that they had only scratched the surface of her indiscretions. There was a reason she was here, in this cell. And the only one would had the jurisdiction to put her here was the queen. Or someone acting in her stead.

After a short pause, Alia replied. "I'm sure she already has," she said somewhat hesitantly. As if she was trying to convince herself of her own words. She glanced back one more time at her client, who was on the brink of falling asleep. Alia shrugged, then picked up one last bottle of liquor from beside one of the table's legs. "Hmm," she remarked as she held it up against one of the lanterns on the wall. Within the dark, emerald glass of the bottle, there was still at least several glasses worth of the thick, red wine.

Alia slipped the half-full bottle into her basket and headed for the door. As she pulled the heavy cell door open, she heard a voiced request come from where the queen of Arendelle was lying on her pillow, resting. A request that brought another rare smile to her lips.

"Leave the bottle."


	6. Splice (Last Goodbye)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a pot of water about to boil over, Queen Elsa’s growing feelings for Kristoff finally come to a head. What this means for the relationship between Princess Anna and her ice harvester is up in the air. Not to mention what this will do to the relationship between the two, formerly-estranged sisters.
> 
> This is where everything changes.

The Queen of Arendelle attempted to flash her visitor a slightly oversized smile as she saw the large basket that Alia was carrying into her cell. She could hear the soft clinking of glass against glass coming from beneath the cloth covering the woven basket. Just in time, she thought as she looked down at the empty wine bottle by her feet.

"You look terrible," her lawyer casually commented as she set the basket she was carrying down onto the stone floor of the queen's prison cell. Alia looked Elsa up and down from her grime-covered bare feet to the mess of unkempt blonde hair atop her head. Normally kept tidy in a thick braid, her hair loosely fell on and all around her bare shoulders. The dress that she wore, a simple white chemise that went all the way down to her knees, was covered in numerous smudges and patches of dirt. The replacement clothing that was given to her last time was still in a neat pile on one of the stone slabs on the other side of the room, as were a pair of untouched sandals.

"I'm all out," Elsa gestured towards the empty wine bottle by her feet. She had finished it the night before, and she was already missing the sense of freedom that the precious red liquid was able to give her. There was a certain sense of weightlessness that she loved even just for the little while it spent resting in her belly and then in her blood.

"How are you?" Alia shook her head, looking quite concerned. She pulled out a small apple from the basket and rolled it across the table towards the queen. Elsa watched the spinning red orb slowly make its way across the uneven wooden surface towards her half of the table.

"Can't sleep," she confessed as she barely caught the small fruit right before it fell off the edge of the wooden table. Famished, she bit into the apple and let the sweetness of its juices flood her mouth. "I've been having bad dreams."

Alia quickly pulled out her clipboard and her pen and set the former down on the table while holding the latter point first onto the top sheet of paper. Her lawyer appeared excited, more than she typically was whenever they had a mental breakthrough. Clearly she thought this was important enough to skip the formalities and small talk that the two had ritualized over their past many sessions. "Go ahead, this may be a memory trying to come out in the form of a dream," she said as she began jotting down a few notes.

"The dreams - no - dream," Elsa corrected herself. She carefully tried to recall a few memorable visages from her more recent nightmare. Images of false memories created by her own mind in an attempt to escape the harsh reality of the waking world. In actuality, she really didn't need to think that hard. "It's one dream. The same one. It's always the same one." She closed her eyes trying to remember the images her recent dreams brought to her. "It's me, Anna and Kristoff." Of course it was. "Us three. At that tavern. You know, our favorite one." Elsa took a quick glance at the tiny window above them, wondering if her sister was even thinking about her this very moment. Whatever she had done, it was enough to put a wedge between Anna and herself. “One second, we're drinking, having fun. And then we start shouting at each other." Elsa felt a shiver as the raw feelings of her dream slowly crawled out from deep within her subconscious.

"And then?" Alia paused, her pen following suit stopping to hover an inch above the stack of paper attached to her clipboard. The older woman was looking intently at her client, her deep black eyes peering into the queen's own.

"I wake up. I always wake up as it starts to get worse," recounted Elsa. It was like her mind wouldn't let her remember past that point, as if there was an invisible barrier that she wasn't allowed to cross. A feeling, in fact. Elsa realized she had to tell Alia. "There's this lingering feeling of something bad. Terrible. Like that time I told you before."

Her lawyer nodded, then put her clipboard down. "Well, at least we know where we're going for this session," she said while she reached down and pulled up two cups and a bottle.

Elsa replied with a hesitant nod.

Alia poured two cups of what didn't look like wine and handed one to her client. "Think back to the dream," she urged as she put the drink into Elsa's hands. "Remember it. Remember the way the food tasted. The way the air smelled. Remember the smallest audible cues, from glasses clanking, to the sound of your own breathing."

The former snow queen nodded. "My dreams feel like nothing but a cruel joke." She knew the drill. Find a single point of reference and concentrate on that point. Expand slowly, much like painting a landscape or a scene. Start somewhere and build around it, slowly, cautiously. She closed her eyes and slipped into a familiar trance. "I'm starting to remember," she reported after a few minutes of introspection. The still image in her mind began moving, ever so slowly. And with it came emotions, sensations, memories. "I think I remember a fight. A big fight. And then after, something horrible."

Elsa snapped out of her state. Eyes wide, she looked at Alia sitting across the table from her. "You know that terrible feeling I had?" She asked. Alia's eyes shifted in acknowledgement, although she was restrained, instead waiting for Elsa to continue. "When I thought I had killed someone? It's been getting stronger. It's like, the more I remember, the closer I get to...who knows what?"

"Then you will know the truth," the woman she had come to look up to as an older sister gave her a reassuring smile. "And the truth shall set you free." She added. There was something in the expression the older woman wore on her face as she said those words. Something to her tone, and it wasn't just a feeling of support.

The powerless snow queen wrapped her arms around her own body to stave off the frigid chill that the windless room had suddenly bathed her in. "I'm afraid, Alia."

"It's ok." Alia reached out from across the table and placed her hand on Elsa's arm. The slight warmth of another human’s touch was a welcome sensation. "Fear is fine. Fear is good. It keeps us alive, Elsa." Alia tapped her a few times on the soft flesh of her left arm, just below where the fingers of her right hand clutched her inner elbow. "It means you're alive."

"Still." The barrister set her clipboard down on the table and she gave Elsa a concerned look. "I don't want to push you further than you can take. Are you sure you are up to this?"

That tone in her lawyer's voice seemed reminiscent of her dead mother's. _'You don't have to if you don't want to,'_ she used to say to the young crown princess. From the sound of Alia's voice, Elsa had no doubt that she would have stopped her questioning if the former snow queen had asked to. And she truly didn't. If it were up to her, she would run, run away. Far, far away. But it wasn't up to her. Not entirely. She was still queen of her kingdom. Her father's kingdom. Her father's father's kingdom. She had a responsibility to Arendelle, to her subjects, to her family. Family.

"No," Elsa looked her questioner straight into her deep, blue eyes. She was certainly not _'up to it.'_ But it wasn't really her decision to make anymore. The queen then threw her palms up in the air in a gesture of surrender. "But do I really have a choice?"

"All right," Alia sighed. She did not seem too happy about the situation, even though her client was now in a more cooperative mood. Or perhaps because of it? Elsa sensed a reluctance hidden somewhere within Alia's demeanor. Whatever it was, the stalwart woman did not let it affect the way she encouraged her client. "Go ahead," she said to the queen. "I'll be right here when you return."

* * *

That night actually started early in the morning during a meeting between the queen and prominent members of Arendelle's parliament. As queen, these official meetings were not gatherings that Elsa took lightly. Especially not the topic of that morning's closed conference. The representatives were not happy. Which meant one thing. Her people were not happy. Arendelle was not happy.

The news was dire. The _Storting_ , a group consisting of representatives of the various townships throughout their tiny kingdom, had passed a bill further limiting the monarchy's control over Arendelle. As the ruling monarch, Elsa still had to sign it, to give it her _Royal Assent_ , in order to officialize it into law. The queen could refuse to sign, but in the thirty-odd years of the _Storting's_ existence, no king or queen had ever refused to give his or her _Royal Assent_. To do so would be to deny what was essentially the will of the people. That was mostly because the previous king, her father, was a kind and understanding leader, as was his father before him. Elsa wouldn't dare sully their legacy. Even if meant destroying what they had worked so hard to build.

Besides, Elsa realized. She knew how the people felt. They simply desired more freedom to manage their own affairs. They wanted to be free. Free to decide their own fate. No better than the reluctant snow queen of Arendelle to understand that deep yearning to control even just a fraction of one's own destiny. Autonomy.

And besides, she wasn't giving up all her power as queen. Just most of it. Still, the young queen couldn't help but wonder if her father would have been disappointed with her reign so far. If perhaps she were better trained, Anna might have made a better queen.

Would have made. Would make. A thought crossed the queen's mind. Not so much an act of self-sacrifice but a more self-serving act of achieving the freedom she had sought for so long. But no. She could never place the burden on her younger sister's shoulders. Even if Anna had been prepared to take it. She looked down at her ice-encrusted palms and thought about the relationship between power and responsibility.

Elsa remembered how difficult it was the first few months after their parents died. In their focus on helping their daughter control and repress her powers, they hadn't been able to prepare her properly to take upon the mantle of ruling the kingdom. Not that the young princess could have sat down with a tutor anyway, giver her limited control over her powers during those years.

So when the king and queen never returned on that fateful voyage overseas, Elsa had nobody but herself to pick up the pieces of a kingdom in mourning. The crown princess had no choice but to learn by doing. Trial and error, and pretty much everything presented itself as a trial, and there were many errors. Errors that added to her feelings of inadequacy, errors that continued well into her reign as the formal monarch of their tiny little kingdom.

She did not want Anna to suffer the same fate should that power and responsibility suddenly fall onto her shoulders. Anna was the next-in-line for the throne, if something were to happen to the current monarch. A chill went up Elsa's spine as she tried hard not to think of the most obvious example of how Anna could ascend to the throne. In the event of the queen's death.

So engrossed was she in the scenario of her possible death that she barely remembered the one actual historical example of when Arendelle's succession rules involving the princesses had taken effect. It was way back during the Great Freeze, when she ran away during the night of her coronation. The task of ruling the kingdom fell onto the young Princess Anna. It was a relatively short tenure for the naive princess, who almost immediately left the kingdom in the hands of the dastardly Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. That almost ended in disaster, for both princess and queen, if not for the timely intervention of the then-simple ice harvester, Kristoff.

Hans. The one glaring example of why Anna should be prepared to take the reins of the kingdom. If she was ever needed. And that was why Queen Elsa had insisted that her younger sister be tutored in many things procedural and royal, many aspects that she had to learn by herself through self-study and experience. Anna didn't take kindly to the lessons, but unlike the times when she ran away from her tutors as a young adolescent, she knew that someday these skills would be useful. Elsa thought it best, for the kingdom and for their family.

And so the afternoon went by with the queen carrying the fate of the kingdom upon her weary shoulders. A mix of emotions simmered under the stoic facade that she managed to project. Frustration, with the _Storting_ and their demands. Too much, too soon. Anger, at herself. For not being the ruler her father was before her. Disappointment, at life in general. At how it unfolded in ways she never felt was right, or fair.

And of course, there was the one thought she refused to acknowledge above all the others. Which was quite difficult considering that that thought seemed to take precedence over any other especially for the past few weeks. A thought that had been brewing for some time now, hiding underneath the love and compassion that she felt for her sister. Envy.

It was an underlying conglomerate of thoughts and emotions that now seemed to be present with every interaction she had with her beloved sister. It didn't help that for a majority of the time they were together, the object of her envy was standing right there with them, holding her sister's arm or pulling her sister close with his arm around her thin waist.

Anna was obliviously naive to the simmering tension between her two most beloved companions. And yet however much the queen tried to hide her feelings, to _'conceal, don't feel_ ,' they gnawed at her with every tiny glance, every single whiff of reindeer musk, every shared moment between her and the ice master.

The queen felt like a kettle of water suspended over a raging fire, well beyond simmering, her insides shaking and bubbling, with barely enough time before she hit boiling. And yet, with her concerted effort to suppress her feelings, it was tantamount to forcefully holding the lid down upon a vessel whose contents were way past due to boil over. Such a situation would eventually reach a point when the pressure rising within was too much for the vessel to contain. _Conceal, don't feel_.

It all came to a head that fateful evening, an evening which under any other circumstances would have been a night of enjoyment and revelry.

* * *

It was late into the evening, when many of the tavern's patrons had already left, wandering into the darkened streets along the outskirts of Arendelle in various states of sobriety.

For the royal family, most of the early evening was spent listening to the queen recount her many woes. Elsa was careful not to go into particular details, however, lest her sister attempt something extremely unpolitical. The ice master understood the situation fully though, mostly because his rank and tasks brought him access to certain circles of the Arendelle government.

That, and because Elsa had told him earlier that day while she was nestled in his arms. It was torture, losing herself in Kristoff's warm embrace, with the implicit acceptance that this was as far as they could go. And then just like most good things Elsa had ever experienced, it was over far too soon. Fleeting moments when the two found themselves alone for a few, scant minutes.

"You have no idea how much I want to feel your lips again," Elsa whispered as she reached up and stroked Kristoff's mouth with the tips of her fingers. They were dry and chapped. She could feel where the warmth and wetness began as she lightly traced the outline of his mouth with her digits.

"We really shouldn't," Kristoff replied, taking hold of the queen's hand. He closed his eyes as he brought her tender fingers down to the side of his neck and pressed them against his warm skin. She could feel his reluctance to take things further through the controlled way he guided her hand back to her hip. She could hear the hesitation in his sigh as he placed his hands on her shoulders and agonizingly eased her body away from him.

Neither said a word to each other when the three met up after hours to head to _Minner_ just as the sun's brow disappeared below the horizon. Elsa gave her sister a restrained smile as Kristoff went off to fetch Sven from his personal stables within the castle grounds.

"It's been a long day, sis. I need a drink," the princess remarked. She had just come from an entire day of protocol sessions, part of her duties as a princess of Arendelle.

"Long day." Elsa agreed, carefully considering her body language as the ice master came around with their family reindeer in tow. She managed a wave at the loyal beast of burden that had been with them since the former ice harvester had moved into the castle with them. "Hi Sven!" She said. He snorted in response.

"Yey, complete family drinking time!" The princess exclaimed as she jumped with both feet, her fist in the air. At least Anna still retained some energy. Then again, Anna had always been the more energetic of the sisters.

It was nice to be with the complete family after a long day, the queen realized. Kristoff had just finished hooking in Sven onto one of his smaller sleighs and was waving the sisters onboard. No nobles, no servants, no guards or soldiers. Where she could just be Elsa. Just plain, old Elsa.

"Wait," Elsa paused as she placed a foot into the back seat of Kristoff's sleigh. Something that had been nagging her the past few times they had gone off on a family adventure. "Where's Olaf?"

Her sister just gave her a blank stare. Kristoff simply shrugged and went back to securing Sven's reins. The reindeer itself made an expression with its lips that Elsa couldn't decipher, and his owner didn't bother translating. The snowman that had become a part of their family had been skipping out on them for the past few tomes they had gone together. The snow queen sighed and shook her head. It seemed like these days, that snowman always had something else to do. She was going to have to ask him one of these days. Next time.

The ride felt relatively fast, with Anna chattering about her day while Kristoff listened attentively. Elsa was so deep in thought that she barely noticed they were already at their favorite watering hole. Anna had already rushed inside to cheers from the regular patrons who loved having their princess with them as they wound down after a long afternoon's work. Elsa couldn't help but smile as Kristoff helped her out of the sleigh and onto the slightly damp soil that surrounded the tavern. Her sister was loved, as usual.

The establishment that had become their usual haunt was located on the very outskirts of the town, on the opposite side of the castle and the fjord. It was so far out that two of the four roads that bordered it were mere dirt roads, unpaved with the flat stones and gravel that lined most of the streets of Arendelle.

Soon, the three found themselves at their favorite table, surrounded by plates of good food and mugs of strong liquor, lamenting about their woes of the day.

"I really, really hate this protocol stuff," Princess Anna started her ranting with a spoonful of deep fried potatoes in her mouth. Anna didn't seem to know - or care at all that not only was she speaking with her mouth full - a protocol faux pas, but she was also chewing with her mouth open. Elsa felt her skin crawl as she tried not to look at the yellow mush that danced and wobbled beyond her sister's teeth. Almost as if the young princess was doing it on purpose. Knowing Anna, she probably was.

Elsa found herself slipping deeper into a haze with every mug of liquor she managed to down. She had grown to like that comforting feeling of being softly choked by a thick, warm scarf around her neck. That familiar feeling of her body asking for more air than her lungs could give. It was a feeling of bliss that just wasn’t meant to last.

It all started with an innocent question, asked by an intoxicated young woman, carrying far more than her frail body could support.

"Why do you get to be happy?"

Elsa was slumped down onto their usual table, half-sitting but with her belly and chest almost flat on a fourth of the damp wooden tabletop. She was lying face-down into the wood, a smudge of what tasted like fried potato oil near her cheek, and speaking directly into the wood. Her question was directed to no one in particular, which prompted her even more drunk sister to laugh.

"Because I'm drunk!" The princess exalted. In direct contrast to her older sister, Anna was slumped backwards into the booth, her head hanging off the top of the headrest.

"Alright, Elsa. You've had too much to drink." A somewhat-intoxicated but still-functioning Kristoff said as he pulled the queen up from the table and into a sitting position. He sat between the sisters because he was usually the last man standing at the end of their tavern nights and it was up to him to make sure the sisters were safe, more from themselves than from anything else.

"Yeah, sis!" Anna half-shouted as she slapped the tabletop with both palms in unison. "Hic! Too much."

Elsa tried to turn her head towards her sister but for some reason, her neck refused to go that far. "No, you've had too much!" She shot back. These nights usually ended with Anna as the most intoxicated of the three but tonight just seemed like a good time to cut loose.

She reached out for the cup of mead a few inches in front of where she was slumped down but Anna beat her to it. Funnily enough, her hand still reached out and grasped what was now empty air beside a bowl of leftover bits. It was almost as if her arms had a life of its own, only going back to her side a minute after she had commanded it to.

"Mine!" The young princess laughed and emptied the contents of the cup into her mouth. It took Anna a full minute to down the liquid.

"No fair," Elsa whined. "I need it more! It makes me happy! You're already happy!" She drolled at her sister. There was a tinge of contempt in her voice that she only realized was there a moment too late. But the queen was too drunk to hope that her companions hadn't noticed it as well.

"You think I'm happy?" Anna's face suddenly shifted into a more serious disposition, as if the drunkenness was a mask that she had just taken off. "I see my sister, in pain." Her voice was clear all of a sudden, without the drolling and slurring it had been exhibiting earlier. "I hate seeing you like this, Elsa. Pining for the love of my life. And there's nothing I can do about it."

_She knew_.

"Why did we have to fall in love with the same guy?" The princess continued. She was still drunk somewhat, leaning her head on the side of her lover's arm. Her lover who seemed to be a bit stunned by the exchange between sisters.

"Um, guys. I'm right here." Kristoff mumbled almost audibly. He shifted uncomfortably in place, glancing to his left and then to his right, like a cornered animal looking for an opening. But both of his escape routes were blocked. Anna was firmly situated to his left while Elsa was a limp mess to his right. The ice master briefly looked at the table, probably considering the merits of leaping over it and running to freedom before he abandoned the notion.

Anna wrapped her arms around him, banishing all possibility of escape. "You should be happy, Elsa. He likes you too."

"Wait, what?" Kristoff attempted to extricate himself from the princesses' grasp. "I don't uh," he was grasping for words, flustered. "How did you know?" He asked the tiny bundle of arms and hair that had wrapped itself around him.

"I'm naive, Kris. Not blind." She pulled out of her impromptu embrace and reached out across the table towards her sister. "Smile, Elsa. You're halfway there." Her tone had suddenly taken on an accusatory tone, which frightened Elsa a bit.

Then again, her sister had all the reasons in the world to be angry. "Halfway where?" Elsa asked.

"Halfway towards stealing my man."

"What?" Elsa felt the heat from that. Combined with the effects of the spirits she had been imbibing all night long, she realized that despite the cold, her skin was on fire. "I am not stealing your man!" The queen realized she had shouted that one out. Nervously, she glanced around, worried that the other patrons had heard. However, it was late into the night and everyone was pretty much drunk, or had gone home. And besides, part of her didn't care one bit. She was mad.

"And I am smiling," the ice queen looked her sister straight in the eyes, her mouth a single straight line that ran from cheek to cheek. Elsa felt her eyes widen with anger at her sister's accusation. She surprised herself with her openness. Then again, the alcohol in her veins made it quite easy. "This is me, smiling."

Silently, the two sisters locked eyes for the longest time, the shared object of their desires trapped between them. In that time, the beleaguered ice master managed to flag down a serving girl or three. He couldn't extricate himself from the quiet crossfire, but soon there were three full pitchers of liquor on their table.

"Girls, maybe we should just drink this away?" He asked hesitantly, pushing a pitcher of potent spirit towards each warring sibling. The third one stayed under his chin, and he was eyeing it somewhat nervously.

Surprisingly, it was Elsa who first agreed. She pulled one wooden pitcher close and refilled her cup. The scalding cold ale went down her throat in such a rough way that it almost made her forget her issues with her sister.

Her younger sister soon followed suit, after some prodding from her boyfriend. He flashed Elsa a guilty look as he was refilling Anna's cup for the second time. Anna didn't seem to notice her sister smile back as she brought the cup to her mouth and half-gargled the thick yellow liquid within.

It was much later, when almost all of the other patrons had left, well past the time when the royal family usually headed back home to the castle, when the pot finally boiled over. The three, already half-cognizant before they began drinking again, were in much worse shape than they had ever been. All three were sitting on stools outside their booth, as it had become too constricting between the table and the wooden circular bench that separated it from the tavern wall.

Elsa was slumped onto the table face-first, her forehead supported by her left arm. A red, circular welt lay in the center of her right forearm, where her head had spent the past hour on. Anna was bowled over, clutching her stomach. Drool was dripping down from her smiling lips. She had already thrown up twice outside, and had just come in a third time after a false alarm. Kristoff was sitting upright, just a bit too straight for the normally lax ice master. His brown eyes were glazed over as he watched unseen patterns on the wall behind the booth.

"Kristoff," Elsa started at it again. There was an inner sentiment inside of her that wanted out no matter how much she tried to bury it with drink. "Why do you harvest ice?" She had no idea what was coming out of her mouth anymore. “Do you like ice?" Her words sounded much more coherent in her mind before they came out slurred and slow. It wasn't a good sign.

"Yah!" Her sister piped up from the other side of the table, very little trace of their earlier confrontation. "Ice is like, his life!" Anna tried to slap Kristoff's behind, missed, and ended up striking the edge of the wooden stool he was sitting on. "Ow." She pulled her hand in and rubbed her wrist.

The drunken snow queen felt like someone else had taken control of her mouth, making her say things she was simply content just thinking. Things she meant to keep inside. "I'm the snow queen!" She mumbled, forming a sloppy snowball in her palm. "I'm ice!" Elsa poked the tabletop with an icy fingernail. "Why am I not your life?"

"What?" Anna asked, some semblance of sobriety in her voice.

"Ice is his life. I'm ice. I should be your life." She tried to make another snowball but ended up just creating a puddle that dripped down from her open palm into the wooden planks beneath their feet. It made perfect sense in her mind.

"What?" It was Kristoff's turn to ask, looking somewhat confused.

Elsa pulled herself up and stood. Or rather, tried to stand. Almost immediately, she fell forward onto the former ice harvester. Only his rapid instincts made his hands fly upwards to catch the falling snow queen, who slumped onto his chest.

"You make ice," she said, alluding to his former profession as she placed her right palm flat on his chest right over his heart. "I make ice!" Elsa held her other hand out to make another sloppy snowball but for some reason, her magic refused to obey her. She shrugged and placed both hands on the ice master's face. "Why aren't we together?" She asked as she pulled him down to her. “Let’s make ice together!”

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Her sister loudly commented. Elsa felt tiny hands grab her wrists and pulled them off Kristoff. It was her sister, much less angry than earlier but no less decisive. "This one's mine, sis."

"Hey hey hey!" Kristoff pushed both sisters apart gently. The ice master was too drunk to realize he was pushing them back with his hands flat on either of their chests. Elsa welcomed the pressure on her breasts, and she smiled at Kristoff who appeared to have no idea what he was doing to her. "You are my life!" He said as he looked at Anna, and then to Elsa. "Both of you."

The other patrons, whichever ones were sober enough to comprehend reality, barely noticed the brewing altercation in the far corner booth of the tavern. Most of the remaining townsfolk's attention was drawn towards the windows that opened out into the cold, Arendelle night. The frigid night. In the middle of their heated exchange, neither sister nor the ice master consciously registered that it had just begun to snow.

The spirits surging in her blood, Elsa felt emboldened, invincible. She pushed back against the hand holding her back while simultaneously taking it by the wrist and pressing it deeper into her bosom. She felt his fingers dig into her soft flesh. It tingled.

"Do you like me, Kristoff?" Her voice had dropped into a low, sultry tone. Almost like each syllable was born in the back of her throat and refused to ride her breath as it exited her lips, only choosing to crawl out the floor of her throat up and on her tongue. They sounded like they were being spoken by another woman, and she had no idea how that had happened.

"Uhh," was her sister's boyfriend's slack-jawed reply. His gaze dropped from her eyes down to his hand, though he didn't pull away. He looked to Elsa like he was still figuring out what exactly was happening. Or that he was trying to discern what his hand was doing on her future sister-in-law's breast.

"Do you love me, Kristoff" She felt herself lean towards Kristoff, despite her commanding her body to stay in place. Instead, her hands grabbed the object of her affection by the collar, pulling down and simultaneously bringing her lips close to his mouth. Elsa felt the longing within her. She wanted them. Now. Her sister be damned.

Just as she was leaning forward to kiss the stunned ice master, she felt herself being pulled backwards by the hair. It was forceful enough to bother her forehead, but didn’t hurt at all. The drunkenness had already numbed most of her body. She would probably have felt more pain without it.

"Enough!" She hear her sister scream into her left ear. Deep inside, some part of the queen realized she deserved that. Unfortunately not the part that was currently in control at the moment. "That's enough, Elsa. Not in front of me, please!" Anna pleaded.

Elsa pushed her sister away as she herself took a few steps backwards until she felt the hardness of the tavern's wooden wall behind her. Her eyes were still focused on those lips that moments before had been within her reach. "Do you love me?" She repeated at her sister's lover.

His eyes told her all she needed to know. But she needed to hear it. Again. She already knew, so why was she asking? Elsa realized. She wanted him to admit it in front of her sister. She wanted her to know.

There was no need for verbal confirmation, it turned out. The tears that were forming in the eyes of the young princess were a sign. Anna knew she wasn't the only one in her beloved ice master's heart.

Even though, an unseen force prodded the snow queen to keep pushing. She needed to hear it from his own lips. Confirmation that she was more than just the sister-in-law, a fixture he was having light fun with despite her feelings. "Who do you like more, Kristoff?" She felt the warmth, the heat that now coated her body within and without. It was talking to her. Telling her to keep asking. To make him force his hand.

"Elsa, stop!" Her sister shouted, one hand over her eyes while the other one steadied herself against the wooden countertop. Elsa could see streaks of wetness under that other hand. She felt terrible, seeing her sister cry. But that feeling was masked underneath the heat that was ravaging her soul.

"Who do you love more?" Elsa asked louder this time. She felt anger rise in the back of her throat. The heat was becoming unbearable, and the air had gotten thick. It was getting harder to breathe.

"Elsa, please stop!" Anna sobbed. She hobbled to her lover's side. Kristoff, still in his intoxicated daze, managed to place his arm over his beloved princess. The ice master pulled her close, reassuringly rubbing her shoulder with one hand. He was giving the queen a look that bordered upon confusion and bewilderment. And perhaps even a little bit of fear.

Elsa had to know. "If you had to pick between me and Anna, who would you choose?"

The drunkenness seemed to have been shaken out of the princess, who was now speaking in between sobs. "This isn't cool, Elsa! This isn't you! Let's go home! Please?" She buried her face in Kristoff’s chest and sobbed some more, obviously taking a lot of effort not to just straight-out bawl into his tunic.

The anger was in control now. That and the spirits. "Who would you choose?" She could hear her voice reverberating in her head. It felt like someone else, shouting with her voice but it wasn't her.

"Elsa!" It was Kristoff that answered this time, his arms wrapped even more protectively around his princess. Anna was still sobbing into his chest. The snow queen barely realized that the wind outside had gotten stronger, and snow was coming in through the windows. On a lovely summer night.

"CHOOSE!"

Elsa heard herself scream as she stomped her foot hard on the wooden floor. Just as she felt her heel dig into the stained wood, her ice exploded. Almost instantly, a large icicle shot out from the ground towards the two lovers standing just a few feet away from her. With her diminished senses, she saw it form in slow-motion. It grew, layer-by-layer, starting from a point in the ground that crawled upwards towards Kristoff and Anna.

_No!_ A part of Elsa screamed inside her head as the sculpture raced into a sharpened point.

Silence. The sounds of the tavern had been replaced by the howling wind outside. The remaining patrons stood frozen, staring at the spectacle before them. The Princess of Arendelle had her arms wrapped around the Royal Ice Master and Deliverer. The razor-sharp point of the icicle Elsa had conjured having stopped an inch away from their faces.

In a moment, the boiling heat that was directing Elsa's actions evaporated, leaving an icy chill that spread out from her soul outwards to her extremities. She stared with wide, open eyes as the icicle that almost killed the two most important people in the world as they stood there, a testament to the consequences of her anger. Anna and Kristoff stared back at her, looks of shock and surprise on their faces.

Wide eyed, the snow queen looked down at her bare hands. The smoothness of her palms was covered with a fine coating of frost. _What have I done_.

There was only one thing to do.

Elsa ran.

"Elsa! Wait!" She could hear Kristoff shout as he bolted after her. Or tried to, at least. The large, bulky former ice harvester was unexpectedly restrained by the tiny Anna as she managed to quickly wrap her arms around his own. He would have protested but one look from the princess turned the ice master acquiescent.

"Just let her go," she heard her sister's voice clearly over the silence of the frigid Arendelle night. It seemed like even the crickets had stopped for the snow queen’s flight.

Elsa ran. As fast as her legs would take her. Past the stunned townsfolk, silent and staring at the shouting match between their stoic queen and their beloved princess. She didn't see the open concern on the faces of unwilling spectators, wishing nothing but well-being for their troubled monarch. She didn't see the looks of sympathy her subjects had on their faces as they saw first-hand that their queen was just as human as the rest of them. She didn’t see the tears on a select few of them, knowing how it felt to be the lover and never how it felt to be the loved. She didn’t see the look of regret that slowly came over her sister’s angered face as she had realized she made her older sister run away yet again. She didn’t see the confusion in the ice master’s eyes as he pondered what his answer would have been to her last question.

She barely saw the stack of large snowballs as she almost crashed into it a block away from the tavern. “Olaf! I-I’m sorry,” she held him for the briefest of moments, pushing him aside so she could continue her flight away from it all.

"Elsa, come back!" Olaf shouted at the fleeing snow queen. "Come back to us." His words were quickly lost among the sound of the growing blizzard that Elsa had conjured.

She ran as far as her tired legs would take her, and then just a little bit more. It felt like that night, a lifetime ago. It seemed like she was treading a similar path to the one she took back then. And yet, she wasn't thinking of a destination. Fight or flight. She just wanted to get away.

She ran through the forest surrounding Arendelle, snow quickly blanketing the foliage in her immediate vicinity. It was reminiscent of that night, except that instead of a trail of frozen ice crystals encasing shards of her fear, this time it was the soft and powdery snow of her despair come to life.

She ran up and down the hills that lined the many fjords in their tiny Scandinavian kingdom, on bare and lichen-covered rock and over fallen logs. Her flight took her up the mountains where ice harvesters like Kristoff went to mine the ice that she could so easily manifest with a simple thought. Up past miniature lakes whose surface waters completely froze over as her she neared them.

Up, up she went, until she reached a familiar sight. A staircase of ice. Leading up into the sky. Calling to her, beckoning for her to become one with the wind and sky. At the end, two large double doors reflecting what little light there was into a miniature kaleidoscope of hues and colors. Almost as if the towering structure was responding to her presence like a sentient being. Her ice palace.

Tears streaming from her eyes, the Snow Queen of Arendelle ran up the steps she had conjured so many years before. Past the large double doors of solid ice almost a foot thick, now old and cracked but still standing. Past the silent guardian that stood within the central chamber, stoic and unwavering, patiently waiting for its master’s return. It stood there, confused why its master had not acknowledged its presence as she ran past its icy form and into the bowels of her castle.

Elsa finally felt her legs giving way beneath her. She crumpled down onto the cold, icy floor. As she looked upwards, she could see the stars above Arendelle, shining down on her through a tiny opening in the roof of the palace. A well of stars.

* * *

"I ran." Elsa recounted in a sad, low voice. "Just like last time." She managed to add as a whisper, almost choking on the tears that she was keeping in through sheer force of will.

Alia nodded silently and reached out across the table towards Elsa's hand. Human contact wasn't something the former snow queen welcomed in her current state. She withdrew her hands back to her chest, to Alia's surprise. The other simply nodded once more in understanding.

"And then?" Alia asked when Elsa had composed herself, wiping vestiges of tears from the sides of her eyes.

The beleaguered snow queen shook her head rather weakly as a response. "I just need some rest."

Alia's question remained unanswered as Elsa ceased her narration. The younger woman was obviously overcome with emotion, frozen in place and silently staring into space. In the snow queen's mind, the memory directly following what had happened that terrible night was clear as day.

"Alright. Don't lose hope." The older woman started packing her things, not in a rushed manner but fast enough to be noticeable to anyone but Elsa. The former snow queen was clearly out of it and there was no more progress to be made this day. These sessions always took a lot out of both the queen and her lawyer, both emotionally and physically draining.

When she had tidied up the table, Alia rose to her feet and placed her basket on the chair she had been occupying for the past few hours. Elsa was as silent as she had ever been, staring through her and at the far wall behind her. “Let’s get you rested,” Alia walked over to the other side of the table and helped her client to her feet. Wordlessly, the two managed to shuffle over to the other side of the bars where the stone slab was.

Elsa felt an unexpected softness underneath her head as the hole in the ceiling came back into her view. On a more typical day, she would have noticed the new pillow that her protector had smuggled deep inside one of her baskets. She would have meekly thanked Alia, commenting on how the pillow smelled like the fresh fruits it had been smuggled under. She would have enjoyed burying her nose in the soft cotton cushion, losing herself in the scent of apples and berries mixed in with the aroma of baked bread. But this was not a normal night, and Elsa simply gave her companion a weak smile, and then turned back to stare upwards at the tiny glimpse of freedom that was allowed the imprisoned monarch. A well of stars.

For all the softness she had been showing the past few session, her lawyer was still as professional as the day they first met. She gathered her baskets and headed for the exit, pausing just to walk over to her resting client to lay another thin sheet of cloth over her. It was the cloth covering the larger of the two baskets. She made sure Elsa was tucked in before she went over to the door that led outside, to freedom and the real world.

"Do you want me to leave you your wine?" Alia asked from the open doorway, her hand inside the other basket.

Underneath her blanket, Elsa shook her head. Her loose, unbraided hair acted as a pillow, cushioning her nape. She barely heard Alia bid her a good night before the door closed.

As she drifted into sleep, a flood of memories rushed back into her mind, guided by some unseen force.

* * *

Forever and a day passed, like tiny individual snowflakes trying to make sense of themselves within the heart of a blistering snowstorm. The Snow Queen of Arendelle lay motionless, supine on the frigid floor, alone in the very center of the deepest bowels of her icy palace. Deep enough that even the very guardian of the palace dare not tread its halls. A womb of pure ice, at the middle of which the snow queen lay, curled up into a fetal position. An unborn child, incomplete, broken, waiting for her birth. Waiting for a rebirth.

Suddenly, her feet left the cold embrace of the icy floor. She felt herself being borne aloft, her dress hanging beneath her battered body. Two, warm and firm logs supported her behind her head and under the small of her back while the all-too familiar scent of aged reindeer hide acted upon her senses, bringing her back out of the self-induced torpor that the snow queen had been wallowing in.

"Elsa, wake up." An even more familiar voice rang in her ears. It was masculine. Strong, yet soft, and it seemed to melt the piercing cold that the snow queen felt encrusting her broken heart. She felt fingertips lightly caressing her swollen cheeks, gently breaking off and brushing away the crystallized tears that traced lines from the corners giving her just enough strength to cling onto his words and join him back in the land of the waking.

"Open your eyes."

Kristoff.


	7. A Little Slice of Freedom (Fourth Time Around)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Queen Elsa of Arendelle has to deal with the fallout of the events of the previous chapter. After a vicious three-way argument between the queen, her sister and the ice master, Elsa wakes up to a whole brand new perspective on life.
> 
> How will it affect her relationship with her beloved sister? How will this affect the lives of the people of Arendelle? Only by recovering more of her memory will she find the answers to questions she did not know needed asking.

Elsa paced up and down the tiny prison cell that had been her home for the entirety of her recent past. She walked from the far corner where the large stone slab that she spent most of her nights lying down on, to the other end of the room carefully avoiding the other corner where a covered chamber pot was strategically placed. She paced back and forth along the row of bars that bisected her cell in half, first on the side of the half where her sleeping arrangements were situated.

When she had tired of that half of her cell, she stepped through the unlocked barred door, conveniently situated in the middle of the room, into the other half where the big wooden table was located. She could remember her first few days when she was confined to the other half of the cell. After their first few sessions, Alia had insisted to her captors that the inner door stay unlocked. The reasoning her lawyer gave was that the outer cell door, the heavy wooden door reinforced by strips of iron in the far corner of the cell, was enough to contain the powerless ice sorceress. In truth, Elsa felt that it was Alia's way of showing that she trusted Elsa. Either that, or it was a way of gaining the snow queen's trust.

Alia seemed quite surprised when her client met her at the door. Typically, the former snow queen would be lying down on her stone bed, staring at the tiny piece of the sky that was visible through the hole in her cell's ceiling. Sometimes, Elsa would be curled up on top of the large, wooden table that they usually conducted their business over. Rarely, her lawyer would find her tepidly pacing along the far wall, beside the hard stone slab that served as her bed. This was the first time Elsa had met her lawyer through the tiny barred opening in her cell door, even before she unlocked and opened it.

"Good morning to you," Elsa said, smiling as she saw Alia's face come into view through the four iron bars that secured the window of her cell door. She felt good about the coming day, and seeing her constant companion of late simply brought her an overall feeling of lightness.

"What?" Alia remarked, surprised. The queen could hear the clatter of something hard against the rock floor. Her lawyer look down as if she had dropped something she was holding. "I mean, good morning to you too, Elsa." Her right eyebrow molded into a high arch as she gave her client an astonished look. She ducked beneath the window presumably to pick up what she had dropped.

Elsa stepped backwards to give the door space to open. Behind it, she heard Alia fumble with the keys a fair bit longer than she typically did. Elsa didn't mind. The smell of freshly-baked bread was already wafting into her cell from the basket that Alia had set down somewhere on the other side of the door, just out of her client's field of view.

"You seem...different," Alia gave her client a suspicious look through half-squinting eyes. "You remembered something?" She asked as she entered the queen's tiny cell.

Elsa waited until her lawyer had already settled in with her usual set-up. Basket on the floor beside the foot of her side of the wooden table, two cups of liquor on top of the table, her clipboard and pen in hand, ready to take down whatever memories the queen managed to remember that day. Or in the time between the present and her previous visit.

"He chose me."

The sound of scribbling began and then stopped abruptly with a scratching noise. Slowly, Alia lowered her clipboard to stare into her client's eyes. "What?" She asked suspiciously.

Elsa couldn't breathe with the excitement she felt upon being able to tell someone else. "I woke up the next morning." She fought hard to suppress a smile. She wasn't sure how Alia would take her revelation. She continued. "Next to my sister's boyfriend."

"Oh." Alia responded. A single word. Neutral, with as little intonation and emotion as possible. Little even for the stoic barrister. Elsa couldn't discern what Alia's reaction meant, whether she approved or not.

"Um, Alia?" Elsa asked, wondering whether she should have led with another detail. If she should have kept that particular detail for later. She seemed calm, calmer than how Elsa had thought someone might have taken confirmation of her queen's infidelity. That was a heavy word. Scandalous, in fact. Elsa had been too engrossed in reliving the bliss that she had felt in those specific memories, she hadn't stopped to think about the ramifications of her actions. Until now, that is.

Then again, it wasn't even a concept that completely applied to the present situation. The queen wasn't herself married, and neither were Kristoff and Anna. She wasn't cheating on anyone and technically, neither was the ice master. He and Anna were still in that limbo that her younger sister had forced the royal couple in. Of course, all that was irrelevant if word of that went public. And the queen suddenly had a sinking feeling that that was why she was here, imprisoned in this tiny cell.

"Alia," she called out to her silent protector. The other woman appeared to be deep in thought, as she usually was after mentally contemplating one of her client's memories. "Is that why I'm in here?" She asked, dreading the answer. Maybe Anna had discovered them. Maybe she had taken over and thrown her sister in prison in anger. Elsa felt her initial happiness start to evaporate and leave the void of hopelessness that she knew a little too well. She slumped onto the table in defeat, looking upwards at her companion.

Alia shook her head, her dark bangs hanging unmoving over her eyebrows as she did. "No. I don't know. I don't think so." She commented. The manner in which the usually confident woman had uttered those words hinted at a possible facet of reality that the queen just realized.

"You-you don't actually know why I'm here, do you?" She asked. There, just underneath the facade of her piercing eyes, flashed a hint of weakness. More than the sentimentality that she had started to show towards her client the past few sessions, there was something in Alia's eyes that she tried to cover under that veneer of confidence. She didn't know.

"It doesn't matter," Alia said, shaking her head to unnecessarily answer her client's query. It was in her voice, a certain uneasiness that made Elsa feel just a little bit less lonely in her ignorance. "We are getting out of here." She followed up. There was something else in Alia's voice though, a confidence that helped prop the beleaguered queen's spirits enough to believe. "That's all you need to focus on."

Head on the table, Elsa felt a smile creep onto her lips. A genuine smile, brought upon by a certain uplifting feeling, a happy thought. She rested her cheek on the wooden surface, angling her head to look her companion in the eyes.

"All my life, I've never been chosen before." Elsa began, sensing the feelings pushing her words out from her heart. "Every single thing in my life, everything I have experienced is because of happenstance. An accident of birth, of fate, of other people's actions." The former snow queen looked down at her empty palms and remembered being able to conjure a snowball straight from the air. "Over the years, I often wondered 'why me?' Why had I been born with such a curse? And always, the answer had always just been, 'because’."

Elsa pushed back up to a sitting position. "Things happened to me, Alia. Happened. I didn't do anything." Her gaze drifted up to that hole in the ceiling that teased her with the dim light of freedom. "But this. I felt like I made this happen. I did this."

"You said Kristoff picked you."

"I made him choose me!" Elsa shouted.

Alia was taken aback, eyes wide with surprise. She was gone stiff, silent as she stared at her client from the safety of her chair. Understandable, since prior to that moment, Elsa had never raised her voice at her before.

The queen felt her pulse racing, her heart thumping rapidly against the inside of her chest. There was a rhythmic throbbing at the base of her jaw, at that spot beside her throat where her neckline ended. Her skin was trembling all over. Not shaking in any specific part but her whole body was suddenly filled with a sudden rush of anger. It came and went, leaving Elsa trying to catch her breath, as she stared angrily at Alia.

A moment of tense silence hung between the two women, each one staring at the other intently, waiting for what the other would do. The raven-haired barrister's eyes were trained intently on her client. Or rather, Alia was staring at her client's hands, held out towards her in anger. Elsa's eyes had gone too wide for her to focus on her companion, instead just staring through the other woman with a look that could cut through solid ice.

And then just then and there, the former snow queen's shoulders started shaking. It took Alia a few moments to comprehend what was happening, but when she did, an audible sigh of relief pushed itself out past her dry and cracked lips. Elsa was laughing. It was a laughter that felt genuine, unrestrained for the first time in well...forever.

Alia's brows knotted in confusion. The normally stern woman appeared confused as to why her ward had suddenly broken out in laughter. Apparently, Elsa's laughter was so contagious given the overall mood of their past few sessions that Alia simply joined in.

"So this is how it feels," Queen Elsa exclaimed, throwing her arms around like a madwoman. She had stood up and was stomping repeatedly on the ground while she held her abdomen with her left hand.

"How what feels?" Alia had degenerated into a chuckling fit, her head resting on her outstretched arms lying flat on the wooden table before her. Her ducktailed hair swung from side to side as she rolled her head like an unevenly weighted barrel, eyes partially closed in a visage of joyous elation.

"Anger." Elsa coughed out a few final laughs then sat back down, trying to compose herself. "How it feels to get angry." She smiled. "As a normal person." She added. The former snow queen clasped her hands together repeatedly, showing her companion her empty palms over and over again. "No ice. There's no ice." She grinned widely. "You have no idea how it feels to be able to be angry without worrying you'll hurt someone with your magic!" Elsa beamed, feeling a genuine sense of elation. It wasn't just a heightened sense of happiness that invigorated every fiber in her body, but a general feeling of - for lack of a better word - freedom.

The light of understanding shone in her companion's eyes. Alia reached out across the table and gently grasped the former snow queen's hands. "Oh, Elsa." She said, shaking her head. "I didn't - I had no idea."

"It's alright." Elsa said. It felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest, as if the loss of her magic combined with the memory of knowing the she had been chosen was enough to give her happiness for a lifetime. Of if not happiness, an elevated sense of contentment. But there was still something there, a hole in her soul that needed to be filled.

"What now?" Elsa asked, pulling the neckline of her garment up from her left shoulder back beside her neck. Without her powers, the cold felt a little more present. She could sense her skin break out in raised bumps as a shudder passed through her body.

Alia nodded at her client. "Now we have to get you out of here. And that means delving deeper into your memories." She bent down and drew out her clipboard and pen from the basket that she had by the foot of the table. Always ready. Direct to the point. “Are you ready?”

"Let's do it."

* * *

_Open your eyes._

It was so much as a suggestion as it seemed like a disembodied voice reverberating in her head. A feminine voice whispering into her ear. It pulled her from a well of swirling lines and humming sounds back into the conscious sensation of her body.

She opened her eyes.

The ceiling was all wrong.

Something was off with the pattern, the colors, even the subtle shade of the morning sun slightly leaking in from between the heavy drapes that hung limply over what must have been non-triangular windows that reached the length of the floor from the ceiling. Long black drapes. Her room didn't have those kinds of curtains. The more her vision began to focus and reality continued to coalesce, the more she found everything different than what she was used to waking up to for the past few years. Even the smell was all wrong. Instead of the light and floral scent of her room, the air was laden with something thicker, heavier. Muskier. Reindeer musk.

Elsa turned on her side to face the sleeping form of the man that used to be her sister's betrothed snoring soundly beside her. Surprise flushed into her body and she felt her eyes grow wide in shock. But for some reason, what kept her from complete panic was an overall feeling that everything was right where it was supposed to belong.

Besides, Kristoff didn't seem to mind. The ice master was facing her lying on his side, eyes closed and cheek buried halfway into a pillow. He was dressed simply, in a thin cotton shirt reminiscent of that one her wore when they were walking around the castle rooftops. The queen noted how flattering it was to his muscular physique, the dull white cloth as thin as it already was, stretched even thinner over his bulging shoulders. That, combined with the smell of his skin, awakened feelings and sensations that had been brewing for the past few months. She felt it in the form of butterflies in her stomach, along with a few other places they seemed to be fluttering around inside her body.

Elsa reached down with her hands in an attempt to calm the bubbling brew that was wreaking havoc in her belly, pressing inwards and downwards into her bare flesh. The sudden pressure on her midsection felt good. It pushed those particular sensations back down into a place where they could be managed, where she could keep tabs on them properly. For all their sakes.

The queen settled into content complacency, lying on her side on Kristoff's bed staring into the sleeping face of the object of her affection. She took in everything, from his fine feathery hair to his large, aquiline nose, to the light tufts of hair peeking out from beneath the cut of his shirt below his neck. The way his clothes shifted when he inhaled, the adorable way his lips pouted when he exhaled, Elsa just took it in. All of it.

Time ceased to pass as she felt herself sinking deeper and deeper, just enjoying the peace and quiet while the sun and the city awoke just outside. She felt her hands creep down past her stomach, reaching down between her legs, searching for the fabric of her dress, seeking to pull it up and reach inside. Except she couldn't find the smooth icy fabric between the thick blanket that covered her and her soft skin. There was no dress.

"Aaah!" The Queen of Arendelle yelped in surprise at the sudden realization that she was naked. In her sister's boyfriend's bed. While he was sleeping soundly on it inches away. Panic flooded Elsa's awareness as she grabbed more of the blanket that had been on her body and wrapped it around her. That nudged Kristoff off the thin sheet of cloth, causing him to roll upwards.

"Hmmn?" He murmured in a groggy voice. "What. Huh?" Kristoff rubbed his eyes and sat up in his bed. He looked around aimlessly, obviously disoriented by the sudden return to consciousness, until his gaze settled on the woman in his bed.

"Kris!" Elsa shouted in a panic. The queen bolted upright, realized that in her haste, she had left her protective blanket around her stomach leaving her chest exposed, and frantically grabbed the blanket and pulled it up to her neck. "What happened last night? Where are my clothes?" She asked, feeling burning embarrassment racing up her neck towards her reddening cheeks. She looked at Kristoff, then herself, then back towards her sister’s fiance. A terrifying yet exciting possibility crossed her mind. "Did we...?"

Kristoff blinked a few times, then squinted at her. "We? Elsa?" He stammered, trying to make sense of things. "Did we what?" He asked, his question hanging in the empty air until his gaze finally descended from her face to her bare shoulders and the rest of her body.

"Whoa, whoa!" He exclaimed, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "No! We didn't..." He looked downwards and checked his shirt, after which he reached down and checked for the remainder of his clothing. “We couldn’t have,” he said, his words slipping off his tongue to fall onto the floor below. "I don't think so. Did we?"

The queen shrugged and shook her head, nodded, shrugged, then shook her head once more. "I don't know. What happened? Where did you put my dress?"

"Dress?" Kristoff asked out loud as he looked around the room. "I didn't take...wait!" He exclaimed, an idea forming in his mind. "You ran, I went after you, brought you back. I think. Maybe you melted it?" He began feeling the sheets for wetness, his hands tapping the bed and the blanket she had wrapped around her body. At least until he realized he was patting his sister-in-law to-be's naked thigh under the thin fabric, at which point he rapidly withdrew his hand with a guilty look on his face.

Elsa tried to recall the events of the previous night, but it was all a blur. Drinking happily at _Minner_. The fight. The flight. And then a feeling of lightness followed by that distinct sensation of her magic around her body. It was a familiar feeling whenever she created and removed one of her magic ice dresses. "Yes, that must be it." Her voice softened with the full realization that here she was, naked in Kristoff's bed.

"Must have melted it." It was something she had always thought of doing. A scenario she had been playing in her head since she started pining for the ice master. Melting her dress in front of him. It gave her chills. The good kind. A naughty smile formed on the queen's lips as she sat straight and upright, turning to face the object of her affection. "Kristoff," she said to catch his attention, right before slowly dropping both her hands to her stomach. The blanket followed.

Kristoff stared into her eyes, wide-eyed and dumbfounded, while his mind attempted to catch up with reality. She felt his gaze on her cheeks, then her slender neck, on her exposed collarbones, on the top of her chest, until it rested on her supple breasts. It took a few moments for Kristoff to register what he was looking at, before his eyes went back up to face his companion.

Elsa felt her heart racing. It was the first time she had bared herself to anyone, much less someone she was madly in love with. She could feel her chest rising and falling with every breath she took. The cold wasn't bothersome at all, but she could the tips of her breasts stiffen in excitement. She looked into his eyes, finding something she hadn't ever seen before somewhere in there. Something new. Something different. Something carnal. Kristoff returned her smile.

"So this is how it's going to be."

The voice came from the other side of the room, away from the bed and closer to the window. Elsa and Kristoff sat up fully and turned their heads towards the uninvited intruder in their midst. There, standing among the heavy black curtains and looking at them with a stoic expression on her face, was Anna.

"Aah!" Both queen and ice master bolted backwards in surprise. Kristoff's bed was relatively small, good for one average-sized person. Elsa hadn't noticed how precariously she was close to the edge of the bed until she felt herself falling backwards. Futilely, she grasped for the blanket but to no avail. The Queen of Arendelle hit the carpeted floor and collapsed in a naked heap of limbs. An ' _oof!_ ' on the other side of the bed let her know that her companion had slipped off his own bed as well.

"Anna!" She was the first one back up, grabbing for the blanket to cover her nakedness as she forced herself back on her feet. "It's not what you think!" She said, wondering if the words she had just uttered were the actual truth. What might have happened if her sister hadn't interrupted was up in the air, something that the queen didn't want to think about considering Anna was in the room. Glaring at her.

"It isn't I promise!" Kristoff chimed in from the other side of the bed. He glanced at Elsa, then quickly looked away in guilt. She was holding the blanket with one hand under her chin. The thin fabric cascaded straight down over her breasts, just barely covering her nipples while leaving their plump flanks exposed to the morning air, and Kristoff's eyes. The blanket was long enough to reach her ankles, but the way it fell over her shapely body left very little to the imagination.

"I had to go after her, and bring her back, and by the time we got home to the castle, you had locked yourself in, and I felt like collapsing after riding through the blizzard and we were still drunk and I wasn't thinking straight and..."

Anna raised her hand, gesturing for the ice master to stop. "It's okay." She said in a rather straightforward manner. Elsa found it odd and disconcerting that she couldn't detect any anger or rage in her sister's voice. It was as if Anna had already given in and had accepted the reality of what she was seeing. Of course, she wasn't seeing anything - but she didn't know that. Not from her point of view, Elsa figured.

The princess calmly walked towards the door, her black ankle-length skirt gracefully undulating beneath her as it grazed the floor ominously. She held her black-sleeved hands clasped in front of her heart while she walked, her face devoid of any strong emotion under the equally dark hood that covered most of her head. It seemed like a funeral dress, and Anna appeared to conduct herself appropriately.

She was like a ghost, gliding over the carpeted wooden floor with nary a sound. She reached the door, carefully opened it, and stepped outside. Right before she closed the door, Anna turned to look at her older sister directly in the eye. "I'm happy for you, Elsa." Her voice was eerily monotonous, matching the static expression on her face. It felt wrong. And yet, the Queen of Arendelle just stared blankly as her sister shut the door behind her.

Elsa looked over at Kristoff, who like her just moments before, was staring blankly at the door, waiting to see if Anna would come back. There was a little part of her that hoped her sister would in fact, return. Perhaps with a joyous smile on her face and the reveal that she had been joking all along. Ok fine, there was a slim chance of that ever happening, the queen had to admit to herself. But maybe Anna would come storming back in anger, complete with accusations of maybe her elder sister stealing her beloved ice master from her. Elsa would have taken the angriest Anna over the emotionless statuette that had just left them.

Kristoff met her gaze with a look of confused concern. If he was feeling the same thing that she was, that would have been confusion at what had just happened and concern for their princess. Elsa gave him an equally confused shrug. Given the gravity of last night's fight, perhaps all her sister needed was some time. Time alone to think. Time alone to feel. But Elsa knew how dangerous those times were. That was when the demons came, when specters of what could have been jumped forth from the dark shadows in one's mind and filled the empty spaces of possibility.

"I don't know what to do," Elsa finally said. She felt like she had to make things right, at least where her sister was concerned. But if Anna wouldn't even talk to her, she could think of no way to fix things between them. "What do I do?" She asked the ice master standing on the other side of the bed. "What do we do?"

Kristoff shook his head. "She'll come around. She just needs more time." He was walking around, careful to stay on his side of the room, looking around as if her were searching for something. "This isn't even the worst thing she's been mad about," he said casually, then paused, his brows knotting. "Wait, it might be." He corrected himself, hand under his chin while continuing to glance around the room. “Maybe not,” he corrected himself again. "But she'll pull through." He craned his neck looking over the bed just beyond its edge on Elsa's side, taking care to avert his gaze when she came into view. "She always does."

"I hope so," she replied, suddenly feeling awkward standing there in front of Kristoff with nothing but a thin sheet covering her bare essentials. "What are you doing?" She asked, taking a step back towards the bed where there were thicker blankets to cover herself with.

"Looking for your dress?" He answered from behind the bed. Kristoff was crouched down on the floor, taking a peek between the two mattresses that they had just spent the night on. He lifted the bottom mattress, before probably realizing the ridiculousness of how a dress would end up in such an unlikely place.

"Don't. You're right." Elsa reached the bed, still carefully holding the thin slip of cloth in front of her body. "I probably melted it in my sleep." She said as she bent down and grabbed the edge of a much thicker blanket, knew that presumably would give her enough modesty to be able to run back to her room and get some actually clothing. It was still early in the morning judging from the intensity of the sunlight peeking in through the gap in the curtains that Anna had partially broken open earlier. Perhaps the servants were too busy arranging breakfast that she wouldn't run into any of them. Hopefully.

While Kristoff was still ducked down behind the bed, Elsa figured it was safe to switch to the thicker blanket. In one swift move, she threw the thinner, smaller blanket that was covering her body onto the bed while simultaneously grasping the edge of the thicker one. She pulled it towards her. Only to find out it was securely wrapped around and under the upper mattress. Secure enough that instead of drawing it up and to her exposed body, she pulled herself down onto the bed unexpectedly.

With a surprised yelp, Elsa found herself on top of her sister's boyfriend's bed once more. Her hands frantically pulled at the thicker sheet that she was now on top of, but to no avail. Thinking quickly, she glimpsed the smaller blanket that she had so casually discarded on the edge of the bed and reached out for that. No such luck. The crumpled pile of fabric, already precariously balanced on the mattress precipice, fell over the edge as her shifting weight rapidly disturbed the bed's topology. Elsa was left on the bed, on her side with one outstretched arm reaching over and downwards at the blanket that had settled down onto the floor. Right beside Kristoff's kneeling form.

"I uh-" His words left him at the same exact moment he looked up from where he was crouched behind his bed to see his queen lying naked on top of his bed. Eyes wide and mouth half-open, his expression was the same as a few minutes ago, right before they were interrupted by her sister's unexpected presence. The feel of his gaze on her bared chest caused her skin to erupt in a million little goosebumps. It was the second time around and it felt no less embarrassing. And definitely no less exciting.

"Um, hi." Said the queen. Elsa felt her eyelids grow to their limit while she sensed her blood racing to her cheeks, no doubt erupting in an angry crimson blush if she could only see herself in a mirror. A shy, guilty smile slowly crept onto the corners of her lips. The young, twenty-some year-old woman had no idea what she was doing, but it just felt right. She had never really been attracted to another man before the ice master, and no man had ever really seen her naked. Until now.

The way that Kristoff's eyes were locked onto her breasts sent tingles all over her body. Miniscule little jolts that shot through her pale flesh as she imagined the warmth of his body on her skin. Images that a part of her hoped would traverse that bridge between fantasy and reality. From the way Kristoff was looking at her, she was sure these would stay fantasies no longer.

"Um..." He was stumped as usual. Her companion managed to tear his gaze from her long enough to look down towards the floor, reach down with the hand he wasn't using to support himself, and brought up a pair of mud encrusted boots bearing the Arendellian crocus on them. "I found your shoes."

The queen sighed. Perhaps now wasn't a good time, she surmised. Not after Anna had just been in the room, judging them silently. Kristoff averted his eyes as he picked up her fallen blanket and spread it over her naked form, though she did catch him peeking at that area between her legs right before the light fabric flew over her. That sent another tingle into Elsa's belly, straight from where his momentary look pierced her skin. She wanted to feel him, Elsa conceded to herself.

"Maybe you should just magic yourself a dress?" He cautiously intoned. There was a little reluctance in his voice, but being the good man that he was, Elsa figured it was just Kristoff being protective. "I mean, if anyone saw you coming out of my room, wrapped in nothing but a blanket, well." He had a point. Good old grounded Kristoff, always looking out for the sisters of Arendelle. Besides, it was a decent suggestion. If she had melted the one she was wearing last night, she could easily make herself a new dress, even just temporarily.

She nodded. Whatever the queen hoped would happen this morning, it could wait. Already, the sounds of Arendelle waking up was reaching the castle even from across the fjord. The slight clinging of bells and bustle managed to come through the closed window, past even the heavy thick drapes. She had to get back to her room.

Elsa stood from the bed, her left arm clutching a corner of that blanket that covered her modesty, letting it fall in front of her body once more. She extended her other hand upwards and outwards, her palm curving elegantly, ready to receive a sleeve of magical ice. The snow queen closed her eyes and commanded the magic to come forth from her center, from the pit of her soul where it rested when it wasn't in need. In her mind, she pictured a simple blue gown with few regalia, draped over her shoulders and around her bodice. Elsa willed the ice to cover her body.

Nothing.

Elsa shrugged, perplexed. Perhaps that brief exchange with her sister affected her more than it appeared to after all. Commanding her ice usually required some level of emotional stability - a lesson she learned during the great freeze. She shook her head and cleared all thoughts from her mind, focusing only on the ice. She envisioned her dress and commanded the magic.

Still nothing.

She gave Kristoff a panicked look. All these years of being cursed with her powers, it had to be that they would let her down when she needed them the most.

"Are you ok? What's wrong?" He asked. His voice was definitely comforting to hear, but it wasn't reassuring at all.

"My magic. It isn't working." Elsa flipped her palm over and tried to create a snowball in her hand. Nothing. Her ice wasn't following her commands at all. It felt like the magic was there, but it was refusing to listen to her commands. She closed her eyes and had another go. Another failed snowball.

"Oh man," Kristoff said as he jumped to his feet and raced to the armoire on the other end of the room. He opened the cabinet to reveal piles of folded clothing. “This happened before, right?” He asked as he looked at the piles, searching for a suitable dress for her. As a member of the royal family, he was pretty much aware of how her powers worked. "We need to calm you down, I think."

"I am calm!" The queen shouted back in frustration. The ice still wasn't responding to her demands, even with both hands and her entire back into it. She could feel herself becoming more upset, and while she knew that that wouldn't make the magic any easier to command, she welcomed that anger with open arms.

"Rrrrrrhhh." Elsa stomped on the ground but to no avail. The snowflake pattern that she could normally summon whenever she did so did not appear on Kristoff's floor. Her magic was letting her down. Again.

She felt like hurling something. But right before she could let her anger out, she felt a bundle of cloth in her arms. She looked down to see what looked to be a folded short black skirt and a modest olive top, both emblazoned with Arendelle regalia. The thought had occurred to her that Kristoff would have a stash of her sister's clothing in his room. She gave the ice master a conflicted smile while simultaneously shaking her head.

He looked back at her guiltily. It was his turn to blush. "Backup stash," he mumbled. "Just remembered we had it." He added, somewhat reluctantly. It clearly wasn't something he wanted Elsa to know. Not that it mattered when she really thought about it. She was perfectly aware that her sister often spent the night in that room. It wasn't a huge leap to assume she would have an extra change of clothing or two.

Elsa breathed a sigh of relief as she scurried back to her side of the bed and sat down on it with her back towards her sister's boyfriend. For the second time, the blanket fell to her feet while she slipped on her sister's cotton top. It was both a tight and a loose fit. Tight around the sleeves and the bottom but quite loose in front. Without all the corsets and trickeries of fashion, Anna did have the more ample bosom. A fact that never bothered the queen until today. She wondered if having been used to her sister's size, which was probably why it felt like Kristoff didn't seem too impressed with her royal assets.

Focus, Elsa. She shook her head clear and stood up, allowing the long black skirt to unfurl downwards. It was Anna's alright, stopping just above her knees where it would have reached the tops of her sister's shins. Being the eldest of the two siblings, the queen stood a few inches taller than her younger sister. It was a detail that never really came up in their day-to-day lives until now.

Elsa found herself blankly looking at the skirt for quite a while before she realized she had been standing with her back to Kristoff, the whole time wearing only her sister's top. And Anna's blouse reached only up to the top of her hips, leaving the rest of her lower body uncovered. The queen turned around slightly to see her sister's boyfriend admiring her bottom.

It took Kristoff a few seconds to realize she was looking back at him. "Oh! I'm sorry! I uh, ah..." At a loss for words, he stumbled awkwardly through his sentence until she held up her hand, gesturing for him to stop. She bit her lip and smiled, then slipped on the skirt.

Outside, the sounds of bustling activity were all around. Arendelle had awoken, and that meant that Gerda would be knocking on her bedroom door soon. She had to get back. And properly dressed. Somehow, the thought of the queen showing up in wearing garments that belonged to the princess was a funny one, if not scandalous. Or unprofessional at the very least. Life was pulling her back into reality. But she couldn’t let this pass. She couldn’t leave this situation empty-handed.

Pulling the skirt's drawstring tight, Elsa crossed over the bed towards Kristoff, who was still standing and staring at her like a paralyzed puppy. She was taking what she wanted. In one swift movement, she leapt up and wrapped her arms around his thick neck, pulling his head and his mouth down into her lips.

Kristoff offered no resistance as she enveloped his lips with her mouth, sucking lightly on his lower lip until she could clamp down on it lightly with her teeth. Before he could utter a complaint, Elsa pulled away, stretching his lip a little as she did. She could feel her heart racing as she started towards the door, leaving the ice master frozen in place.

The Queen of Arendelle then passed through the door into the corridors of the castle, leaving her feelings, her magic and her inhibitions behind, waiting for her return.

* * *

"So that's how it happened?"

"How what happened?"

Elsa gave her lawyer a questioning look. It all felt so fresh, the memory of Kristoff's lips on her own. One of her fingers was absent-mindedly brushing across her lower lip. The queen found herself staring blankly at the faint, flickering light on the far wall as she reminisced.

"How your magic stopped working." Alia answered. She was looking up at her client from her clipboard. Her eyes flicked upwards in thought, then back down to her notes where she scribbled something down rather quickly. She paused for a while, her lips pressed tightly while contemplating. Her pen then returned to the spot where she had written down something earlier, scratched that out vigorously, and then scribbled something else near it.

"I think so." Elsa felt her brows reach for each other above her eyes as she tried to refocus her memories from Kristoff towards her magic. She could vaguely remember how she felt that morning after she left Kristoff's quarters. Lighter. Joyful. It was as if the emotions that had been borne out from the ice master choosing her completely overshadowed whatever was blocking her magic from functioning. “I guess so. Maybe?”

"Well, maybe not how. But when." Alia mused, the tip of her pen pressed over her lower lip. "Was that the last time you manifested your magic?" She asked. "Perhaps if we delve into the circumstances around or near that day, we can figure out how to help you regain it."

Elsa shrugged, then nodded silently. The former snow queen looked down at her open hand. In another time and place, there would already have been a ball of the whitest snow resting on her upturned palm. But this was now and here and the magic just wasn't there.

And frankly, there was a part of her that didn't miss it. Sure, it would have been extremely useful, especially for breaking out of this prison. That was something she had done long ago, in what seemed like another life. But being able to act without fear of her powers suddenly going haywire - that felt like a taste of freedom she hadn't had in forever. It made her feel human. And that was something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Perhaps never.

It was only much later, when Alia had left and she was staring up at that all-too familiar ceiling of her cell that she realized another possibility. That perhaps that that newfound happiness she had felt was the very reason the magic had ceased to listen to her.

As she drifted back into her dreams, she thought about the value of her magic compared to the love that she had found. She couldn’t decide which one she would have given up for the other. And now she had neither.

* * *

It was a long and exhausting day for the queen when she finally retired to her quarters. Most of the servants had long since turned in or were simmering down for the night. Even Gerda, who was normally around to help her prepare her room for the night, was nowhere to be seen. Her bedroom was already prepared for her arrival, however. Clean sheets were wrapped around her bed, the lantern on the corner table was presumably filled with oil, and even a fresh change of clothing was laid down on top of her mattress.

She sat on the bed and felt her back immediately hit the soft sheets as she let the day’s fatigue overcome her aching body. It had been a productive day. For the first time in months, the town elders and other members of the councils were amenable to her proposals and suggestions. They were much less resistant than before, and some had even changed their formerly-hard stances on issues in favor of her amendments. It was a welcome surprise, a breakthrough after months of potential instability.

Even Anna showed no sign of their odd confrontation earlier that morning. She had stopped by Elsa’s office, accompanied by their loyal servant Kai, to discuss the possibility of expanding her role as the sole princess of the kingdom. Her younger sister expressed an interest in representing their tiny nation abroad, something that she was formerly reluctant to engage in – both out of fear of separation from her sister and her ice master.

Dinner was a straightforward affair, with the three of them eating in tired silence without much conversation. It had probably been a tiring day for both Kristoff and Anna as well. Anna from trying to arrange her new duties and Kristoff from dealing with his current ones. But there was no ill will between any of them. Anna ate alongside her ice master in peace. Pleasant words were exchanged. No hard feelings.

On her way back to her quarters, she had stopped in front of Kristoff’s room. She had been contemplating following up on her failed advances that morning, but hearing Anna’s voice through the closed door, right as she was holding onto the doorknob, stopped her in her tracks. Elsa could barely overhear what her sister was saying, but it seemed like an honest conversation between her and Kristoff. Elsa let the lovers have the room to themselves and proceeded to her own quarters to rest.

And there she found herself, curled up on her bed, having kicked her shoes off and slowly trying to wriggle out of her formal clothes while fending off the pull of unconsciousness. It took her the better part of a minute or two to slip out of the thick woolen formal coat she had been wearing all day long and into the attire that Gerda had left for her.

As she felt herself drifting into slumber, the snow queen noticed that the furniture in her room had been moved around. That wasn’t anything to be alarmed about. Gerda often misarranged her chairs and side tables after cleaning cycles. But Elsa did notice her floor-length mirror, normally set against the wall beside her dresser, standing close to the bed just outside of arm’s reach. She flipped herself over and tried to reach its swinging mirror with her foot, to reposition it so that she could see herself before she turned in for the night. After a few tries, she managed to nudge the bottom edge of the mirror with her big toe, spinning the central pane into a more amenable position.

It was already dark though. The light from the lantern sitting on a table in a corner of the room had grown dim. The meager starlight that came in through her curtains barely managed to illuminate a few meters beyond the edge of her bed. And sleep was already beginning to overtake her conscious mind.

As the Queen of Arendelle lay on her bed, she barely saw her faint reflection in the mirror. She looked as tired as she felt, her eyes barely open with dark circles forming underneath them above her cheeks. But what caught her attention was the way her hair looked. Somehow, in between the doorway and her bed, she had managed to loosen her hair from the single braid she kept it in. Her hair lay not in a tangled mess as it normally did, but clean and short, waved backwards and upwards ending in a short point behind the top of her head. The thought that remained behind, prevented from following Elsa into her dreams, was one of puzzlement and confusion. In the mixed darkness and meager lantern light, Elsa swore that her seemingly short hair appeared as black as the night that finally took her.


	8. Tumbling Down (Directions)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa finally confronts Alia in an attempt to learn the truth about her imprisonment. A potentially explosive and dangerous move, considering that the mysterious woman appears to be the snow queen’s only link to the outside world.
> 
> The truth hurtles closer and closer to the beleaguered snow queen as the holes in her memories are slowly filled up. But what she may end up discovering may not actually be what she wanted to find out.

"Who are you?"

Elsa's voice reverberated loudly against the solid rock walls of the tiny subterranean chamber that was her cell. If the loudness of her voice was quite uncharacteristic of the normally-demure Queen of Arendelle, then so was the sound that her fist made hitting the thick wooden tabletop that stood in between her and the person she was directing her anger towards.

A few feet across the table, a surprised look had manifested on the face of the person that had been her sole confidante for the recent past. She had only arrived minutes before for one of their near-daily sessions attempting to recover Elsa's missing memories. The queen had been holding back her confusion and anger until her lawyer had settled down into their usual routine.

"What?" Alia asked, the surprise and astonishment in her voice sounding very real to Elsa. The other woman appeared to have been caught unawares at Elsa's accusing tone. It seemed genuine enough, Elsa thought. Still, she couldn't be too sure.

"Who are you, Alia?" Elsa pressed. She squinted at her companion, carefully scrutinizing her looks, perhaps for the first time in their short correspondence. Those large blue eyes, framed by those jet-black strands of hair that hung conveniently to the sides of Alia's rounded face. That face, so familiar and yet so different, reminiscent of her mother and her sister's distinctly soft features. And that unusual hair, short and yet thick, ending in that unique point behind and above.

"I'm someone who just wants to hel-"

"Cut the lies!" Elsa snapped, cutting Alia off. "I-I've seen you before. In my memories. We've met before, have we?" She asked loudly. It was clearly Alia's face she saw in her memories, always among a crowd, sometimes at the castle, sometimes whenever she remembered looking out the windows. It seemed like she had always been there, watching the queen happily go about her daily business.

"Elsa, I have no idea what you're talking about." Alia settled back into her calm and somewhat stoic demeanor. She reached out across the table towards Elsa's hand. The queen hesitated, then drew her hand back at the last moment avoiding the other woman's touch.

"It was you. It's you. You were there!" Elsa shook her head, her palms going to her temples as she clenched her eyes shut. She could picture Alia in the crowd, back in Arendelle. At the square, a single face among a hundred faceless bodies. In the castle, in the background among petitioners and well-wishers. At one of the tables at Minner, among dozens of laughing patrons. Elsa's eyes flickered open as she wondered if it was her own paranoia placing Alia's visage among the scattered images of her memories.

The queen fell silent while her companion sat in her seat across the table. Alia shook her head. "Maybe you've seen me before, maybe not. Look I am from Arendelle. It's a small place and I do live there. You are my queen. But maybe not. Remember, these are your memories. Maybe you're remembering things wrong. Maybe your mind is playing tricks on you. It can do that, you know?"

Elsa felt her fingers curl inwards into her scalp. She grasped at the roots of her matted mess of a mane. What Alia said seemed to make some kind of sense. More and more, her fears had been finding their way into her memories. She'd imagine her mother looking disappointed at her in the background while reminiscing about moments with Kristoff. Sometimes it was her father, staring disapprovingly while she dealt with official Arendellian matters. Elsa felt lost.

"Look," Alia reached across the table and placed her hands over the queen's. "Have you seen anyone else trying to help you here?" She asked in a rather forceful, yet still calm tone. A little too authoritative, Elsa felt. Especially from a commoner - or even an aristocrat - to a queen.

Surprised, Elsa gave her companion a silent wide-eyed look as Alia's words permeated into her mind. She was right. None of the guards seemed to give a damn about their former queen. And neither Anna nor Kristoff were nowhere to be seen. Not even Olaf had visited her. Elsa shook her head in reluctant agreement.

Alia leaned a bit back and extended her hand in a formal gesture. "I'm the only one who seems to give a damn about you, so you can either stay here for god knows how long, or you can trust me."

"I'm not sure I trust you," Elsa confessed in a rather muted tone. True, she never truly put a hundred percent of her trust in the woman claiming to be her lawyer. Alia always had that air of mysteriousness around her, and it was pretty clear that she was keeping Elsa in the dark about a few things. “I want to, but I don’t think I can anymore.”

"Fine." Alia kept her outstretched hand where Elsa could reach it. "You don't have to trust me. Trust yourself. But I'm not leaving you in here." Her voice took on an even firmer, more decisive tone. "Let me help you." It was almost an order.

Elsa hesitated, then nodded. The former snow queen realized that even if she still had her powers, she really didn't have much of a choice. Not if she wanted to do this the right way. Not if she wanted to return to Anna. Not if she wanted to see Kristoff again. Her heart fluttered at the thought of the two most important people in her life. There was only one sensible way through this ordeal.

"Okay, let's go."

* * *

No matter how many times she woke up to it, that ceiling would never cease to be unfamiliar.

Elsa blinked again, on the off chance that it would turn back into the familiar blue pattern of the ceiling over her own bed. No such luck. The green and purple crocus motif remained, along with the unmistakably thick scent of reindeer musk and masculinity in the air.

It was something she feared she would never get used to, not even over the course of several lifetimes. And yet this feeling filled her with a newfound sense of adventure. Of a welcome deviation from the mundane, the routine. The unfamiliar unknown.

She let her cheek fall onto the pillow cushioning her head, turning her neck just enough to see the ice master's sleeping form beside her. Her ice master. He belonged to her now. Or her to him. Elsa felt a surge of inner happiness as she looked at the rough features on his face.

It had been a frighteningly beautiful past few weeks. Waking up next to the love of her life was an experience that simply could not instill her with any more happiness than she had ever known. Even her sister had mellowed down somehow, accepting the changes around the castle without much resistance. At least for Anna. Not that her older sister noticed anyway.

However, there was one little crack in the facade of the snow queen's perfect reality. Her powers. Or rather, the lack of them. Elsa had been an ice sorceress for as far as she could remember, as a child growing up in the lonely halls of Castle Arendelle. It wasn't entirely clear when exactly her ice magic had first manifested, but it had always been a significant part of her life. Significant enough to have directed her destiny for most, if not all of her short existence.

And so now that it seemed to have left her, however temporarily, Elsa couldn't help but feel the presence of a hole in her soul. A hole that had previously been filled by something that had been a part of her since forever. It was a tiny little emptiness that nagged at her incessantly from the dark corners of her psyche. It had been something she had no problem ignoring. At least early on. But as the days passed, the lack of her powers was starting to feel quite noticeable.

It manifested itself in miniscule, almost unnoticeable ticks that she managed to conceal quite well from everyone else. A momentary shudder originating at the base of her neck that quickly traveled down to her arm. An impulsive growl that she managed to turn into an odd-sounding sneeze.

Every now and then, the queen would feel an unmistakable spike of ill will from the depths of her consciousness, wanting to wreak havoc upon her surroundings. It was one of those realizations that terrified Elsa to her core, acknowledging all that anger after the feeling had passed. It scared her to think that if she had her powers, she would have hurt so many people. Then again, would she be feeling these malevolent emotions if she did? That question haunted Elsa as she pushed one of these episodes down as she lay in her lover's bed.

It was Kristoff's scent, his warmth, his proximity that helped the queen push away those dark thoughts. She felt a lightness envelop her heart as looked at his bushy eyebrows hiding behind his feathery flaxen hair.

"How long have you been staring at me?" The sleeping ice master asked in an oddly clear and coherent tone.

Elsa jumped back in surprise as he opened his eyes and welcomed her with a playful smile. From that look on his face, it seemed like he had been awake for quite some time now. Playing pretend for some reason, most probably for his own amusement. She coyly smiled back at him.

"I hate you," she said keeping that smirk on her lips. She flicked her tongue over them for good measure, knowing that Kristoff would get the hint. He didn't need to.

Her lover leaned in and planted his mouth on hers. His slightly-chapped lips tickled her own with their uneven roughness, and she felt his tongue on her teeth. She reciprocated with vigor stored over a long night's sleep. It was minutes later when Kristoff pulled away with a look on his face.

"Something's bothering you," he stated without needing to ask. His hand went up to her cheek, his thumb caressing her left temple. Even the slight sensation of his fingertip made her skin tingle with delight. Almost enough to make her forget the growing hole in her.

"My powers," Elsa admitted. She told him what she had been thinking earlier. At least enough of it for him to understand her mental plight. Elsa made sure to leave out the part about wanting to harm other people. No one needed to know that.

It was a lot to take in, and Kristoff sat for a while, deep in thought. The queen looked outwards through the windows at the bright blue and orange sky outside, unmoving in its beauty. Almost like a painting. It was too beautiful a day to be mired in dark thoughts.

"There are a bunch of people I know can help with this." Kristoff suggested. He gave the queen a reassuring look. "Well, they're not exactly people," he uttered to himself, his face all scrunched up in thought. "Have you met my family?" He asked.

Elsa gave a light laugh in response to his rather absent-minded question. "Have you forgotten how this all started?" She tapped his oversized chin with the tip of her index finger. "I've been to the valley a few times since then, Kris. Remember?"

"Oh right," Kristoff mumbled as he looked over and beyond Elsa's lying form. He seemed confused at first, then appeared to remember all those times they had gone to see Grand Pabbie and the other trolls. "Right. Of course."

Grand Pabbie was the closest that Elsa had ever had to a tutor regarding her powers. Ever since that first night when she almost killed her sister. The first time. Elsa shook her head free of the realization that not that many women could claim to have almost killed their younger sister not once but twice. Yes. If anyone could help her with her malfunctioning powers, it would be Grand Pabbie.

"When can we go?" Elsa asked. The sooner, the better. It was difficult to admit, but not being able to use her magic was taking a toll on her sanity somewhat. It felt like there was a hole in her soul, and it felt like it was growing with each passing day. The snow queen sat up in her bed and tried to manifest her ice dress. Nothing.

"You're the queen, Elsa. You tell me." Kristoff said, turning to face her as he did. It took her a few moments to notice him looking at her open mouthed and wide-eyed.

"Hmm?" Elsa quickly realized what Kristoff was staring at. Beneath the blanket that had previously covered her body, she was completely naked. Slowly, bits and pieces of the night before trickled into her mind. There was her nightgown, on the floor against the wall where she remembered hurling it in a fit of unbridled passion. She flashed Kristoff a naughty smile.

The trolls could wait.

* * *

Elsa already had a feeling that there was something wrong in the air even before they got anywhere near to the Valley of the Living Rock. It was dry and cold, much like the rest of the mountainous landscape that preceded it. Normally, that wouldn't have bothered the snow queen. Dry and cold was pretty much Elsa on a nutshell. A climate that she had persisted in for more than half her life. If anyone was used to it, it would be the Snow Queen of Arendelle.

However, it simply wasn't the case. As they passed the fields of hot springs that heralded the secluded valley, Elsa noticed that the geysers were quiet. Gone were the puffs of smoke and scalding steam from where the earth belched forth its bowels. Scattered openings littered the landscape, holes no larger than her fist surrounded by moss-covered rocks and tufts of discolored vegetation. The land had gone silent.

"This is weird," Kristoff dismounted from a visibly shaken Sven leaving the queen alone on the reindeer to ponder. The ice master removed his right glove as he knelt down beside one relatively large opening. He had a perplexed look on his face as he felt the ground with his hand. The experienced mountain man reached inside one of the seemingly dormant geyser holes with his naked fingers. Rooting inside for a few moments, he then withdrew his arm and stuck his dirt-covered thumb in his mouth.

Elsa gave him a look that felt like a cross between amazement and abject horror. That was the mouth that kissed her good night every time she went to sleep. She couldn't help but taste grains of soil on the tip of her tongue, scraping the soft inner lining of her cheek.

Kristoff shot her a guilty grin as he must have realized the reason for that look on her face. "It's a woodsman thing. Different soils have particular tastes." He tried to explain.

Elsa wrinkled her nose and nodded, her tongue firmly poking the inside of her left cheek. Already, the scent of dry soil was inside her mouth, trying to crawl up her nose from the inside. "And what does that taste like?"

"Like moss." Kristoff replied with a smile. He stubbed the curved tip of his boot into the hole in the ground, his grey wool overcoat shifting as he did so.

"Oh." Elsa replied. _Wait, what did that mean? Moss?_ The snow queen, having spent most of her life confined within the safety of the castle, had no idea what that meant. And more importantly, how did Kristoff know what moss tasted?

"It means the geyser hasn't erupted in a while," Kristoff answered the question she hadn't yet asked. He stood and looked around, noting the vast field of silent holes of various shapes and sizes around and behind them. "It means the springs are dead." His eyes focused on something in the distance towards where they were headed. "Or dormant. I hope," He added.

"Is it connected to your powers wonking out?" A higher, younger female voice came from behind them. It was Princess Anna, on her own horse, having caught up to them after lagging behind for the past few miles.

"Glad you could finally join us, babe." Kristoff teasingly poked. She defiantly stuck her tongue out at him as she dismounted from her horse, her bright blue skirt billowing as her boots hit the ground. Elsa shook her head in wonder at how strong the bond still was between the two ex-lovers, even now that the ice master was hers.

"Hey sis," Anna approached her and placed both hands on the cloak draped over her shoulders. She then nodded at their faithful family reindeer, who for some odd reason was apparently way faster than her horse. "Hey Sven."

"Did Olaf come along?" Elsa asked her sister, looking back at her horse to see if he was hiding behind it. She thought she had seen the tiny snowman earlier that day but had no idea if he managed to hitch a ride with Anna.

Her sister shrugged and gave her a blank look. "So, are you feeling any more snowy now that we're here?" She asked, taking a look around at the desolate landscape. Elsa had always felt more connected to her powers whenever they were in the valley. The snow queen closed her eyes and sought deep within herself. Nothing. She shook her head at a disappointed Anna.

"Well, maybe it'll get better when we're actually in the valley?" Kristoff asked, gesturing to Sven. He tilted his head in the direction of the mountains. "We still have a bit to go."

* * *

"Hey guys!" Kristoff's booming voice echoed against the moss-covered rock faces that surrounded the Valley of the Living Rock. "Cliff! Bulda!" He called out. "Where are you guys?"

"Hello?" Anna's voice, more feminine but no less loud, joined her ex-boyfriend's in the air above them. The princess was running around, tapping each and every mossy boulder with the tip of her boot.

Elsa decided to join them in trying to wake up the magical denizens of the secret glade. "Grand Pabbie!" She tapped on a rather large boulder, its surface a mottled mix of rough greens and fuzzy browns. "Um, is that you?" She pressed her finger into the thick mat of verdant moss that could have been the patriarch's hair. It turned out to be moss.

"Guys, this isn't funny anymore!" Kristoff shouted. The large man picked up a small boulder the size of his head, looked under it, and dropped it back on the ground in disappointment. He looked at Sven who simply snorted back at him while he stamped the ground with his front hooves.

"I don't understand," Kristoff scratched his head while looking around with a dumbfounded look on his face. "There's nobody here."

"What do you mean _'there's nobody here'_?" Anna asked what Elsa was thinking. The princess swept her arm across the barren landscape, littered with unmoving rocks and silent geysers. "They've got to be here!"

"They aren't here." Kristoff approached the sisters. "There's nobody here," he stated, a tinge of disbelief in his voice. "I don't know. Maybe they...left?"

"Where to?" Elsa asked softly. "Can they even leave?" She wondered. The first time she ever went to the valley was the night of the accident, when she had accidentally hurt her sister. Her father had discerned the location from the legends and myths in the castle library and had taken her, her sister and their mother to the valley to ask for help.

Kristoff raised his hands in frustration. "I don't know. Nobody's here. In all the time I was living with them, nobody ever went anywhere. Nobody but me. I didn't even think they could move. I mean, they're living rocks. Where would they go?"

"Maybe it's all connected," Anna chimed in. "The hot springs...well, not-so-hot springs now." A thought crossed her mind, mirrored in a flash of insight in her eyes. "Oh my! I wonder how Oaken's sauna is doing! I hope it's okay and all!"

"The land is sick." Kristoff said slowly. That caught the attention of both Elsa and her sister. It reminded her of something she had read in the castle library years ago. About a boy-king whose fate was tied to the health of the very kingdom he ruled over.

"You and the land are one," she mouthed softly. As he heard her words, Kristoff's head swung back to face her.

"What did you just say?" He asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked up and away in thought.

"Nothing," Elsa answered in a dismissive manner. "Just something I read a long time ago." She couldn't recall much more of the story. Or was it a poem? A French poem? Elsa shrugged. She hadn't been to the library in a long time, and that section much longer.

Kristoff looked around at the barren rock walls in thought. "Pabbie used to tell stories like that, back when I was little." He walked over to where a blackened log rested against a pile of small stones. "About great, magical rulers from faraway lands. How their lives were connected to their kingdoms." He kicked the fallen branch, tipping it over and revealing a pile of ash beneath. "How the land fell ill whenever they fell ill." The ice master looked up at his queen. "Never took them seriously. Always thought they were fairy tales. Pabbie loved telling us fairy tales. We and the kids, we never thought any of that was real. That is, until I met you again."

Elsa looked inward. The void was pulsating, calling out to her. "But I'm not ill." She countered. "I'm not." The queen repeated, as if trying to convince herself of a truth she knew wasn't. The rock walls surrounding them suddenly felt suffocating, as if they were pressing inwards like the walls of a box. There, in the distance, was a slice of an unmistakable flash of blue.

To Anna and Kristoff's surprise, the queen bolted for a narrow gap between two large boulders, either one dwarfing the waifish woman that ran past them. Behind, Elsa saw nothing but more moss and a dead air that seemed to mock her in its emptiness. She looked around but there was nothing substantial that anyone could hide behind within a significant radius. Certainly nowhere that the woman in blue she swore she saw could have gone off to.

"What is it?" Kristoff asked as he and Anna appeared from around one of the massive boulders. The pair was looking around, presumably searching for what had spooked their companion.

"Nothing," Elsa replied on instinct. She looked around again just to be sure. There wasn't anyone around. No flowing blue cape. No short black haired woman staring at her from the corner of her eye. The queen looked at her sister and her lover, alternating between following her gaze and giving her puzzled looks. They had no reason to know.

"Umm hmm," Anna shrugged and went off.

Kristoff exhaled an audible sigh. It reminded Elsa of the sound of steam spewing out from one of the now-silent holes in the ground. "Where is everyone?" The ice master wondered out loud.

Elsa looked at the barren landscape. Where indeed.

* * *

"You look lonely, Elsa." Kristoff's voice jarred her out of the swirling mass of thoughts in her mind as she stared into the darkness. It wasn't even her malfunctioning magic anymore. At least it didn't feel that way.

"I feel lonely," Elsa admitted, letting out a fraction of what had been bothering her since they got back from the valley of the now-missing trolls. For some reason, she envisioned the empty dining hall with a full complement of people, like the night of her coronation. She remembered how, despite being in the thick of it all, that feeling of being in a sea of unfamiliar faces was the loneliest she had ever felt. "Even in a crowded room," she added. The phantoms in her mind suddenly stopped to look at her in unison. The queen shook her head and the room returned to its normal, empty state. "Especially in a crowded room."

Before Kristoff could give a proper reply, the doors to the dining hall opened, revealing the tiny frame of Princess Anna. She was still clad in her outdoors garb, tracking dirt and mud wherever her soles touched the floor. Anna slipped out of her stained, purple cloak and chucked it into the arms of one of the few servants still standing by this late into the night. One-by-one, her boots followed until the princess was walking barefoot on the dining room floor.

It was already late into the night, Elsa surmised. She had already sent most of the servants to their quarters around an hour after supper. Anna's meal sat untouched on the dining table, cold.

Her sister strode over to her place, pulled her chair out and plopped down in front of her loaded plate. "Famished!" She exclaimed as she grabbed one of the rolls and shoved it into her mouth.

While Elsa and Kristoff headed straight home to Castle Arendelle hours ago, the princess decided to take a detour and head to Oaken's Trading Post to check if the hot springs that the sauna depended on were alright. From the looks of it, Oaken had been out of anything to eat. That, or Anna had forgotten to get some for the ride home. Knowing her sister, it could easily have been the latter as much as the former.

"Hey babe," Kristoff welcomed the third member of their closely-knit family. The queen winced, hearing her lover refer to her sister via their pet names for each other. Old habits die hard, it seems, and Kristoff probably didn't even realize he had done so. "Oaken?" He asked.

"Kris was right, Elsa." Anna reported in-between bites. "Oaken's closed. The sauna I mean." She dipped the piece of bread she was holding into the bowl of cold soup and brought the soggy loaf to her mouth. "The shop isn't doing too well either," she continued. "No food. I mean, except for carrots." Anna slurped some soup straight from the bowl. "Springs are dry. Cold. Colder than the streams, mind you. Something's wrong."

_You and the land are one_. Elsa remembered. The thought that her well-being was causing her subjects' livelihood to suffer made her heart drop. This was not good. She hoped it was just the sauna. Still.

Kristoff and Anna were fond of that sauna, Elsa thought. She could remember the one time they managed to drag her to the place. The warm water felt incredible on her skin. She remembered having fun with Kristoff and Anna while Olaf looked on with envy. The snowman always went with Kristoff and Anna whenever they went to Oaken's, dreaming of the warm caress of water that would actually melt him if he were to try. Olaf loved the sauna.

"It's a good thing Olaf wasn't with you," Elsa told her sister. "He would have been devastated to see the sauna all dried up and cold."

The princess scrunched her nose as she paused, halfway to bringing another spoonful of cold soup to her mouth. "Who?" She asked before slurping the scummy liquid hungrily.

"Olaf," Elsa said a little more clearly, almost shouting at her sister.

"Who?" Kristoff asked.

Elsa sighed, shaking her head at Anna and Kristoff. She wasn't in the mood for their jokes, not this late into the night. "Olaf." She reiterated. "You know? Family snowman? Yey tall-" she held her hand out flat just above her waist, "like three balls of snow, coal buttons on his belly, massive hilarious overbite, carrot nose?"

Anna and Kristoff were giving her a blank look. It was the look of two confused people trying to make sense of the absurd. Even Sven was staring at her blankly.

Something felt seriously wrong. "Olaf! Snowman? I accidentally created him during the time I ran away?" The queen waved her arms, stiffened at the elbows, out to the sides in the fashion that Olaf would. "Likes warm hugs?" She added.

It was Kristoff's turn to give her a puzzled look. "Are you okay, Elsa? You've been going on and on about this _'Olaf'_ character for a while now." He scratched his head and looked at Anna.

The snow queen looked into the eyes of the princess and the ice master. This had to be one of those heavily invested jokes they pulled on her from time-to-time. It was usually Anna who broke first. Elsa kept her gaze on her sister's eyes and slowly let a grin creep onto her mouth. That usually got the younger princess laughing. Nothing.

They were dead serious.

"Wait!" Princess Anna shouted. "I remember!" She jumped a few times as her eyes grew. "Olaf! Olaf the snowman!"

Elsa breathed a sigh of relief. While it seemed like the two were indeed pranking her, her sister's reaction was a bit odd. She was going to have to see where the two took this.

"That snowman we used to build when we were kids!" continued her sister. "He likes warm hugs! Wow Elsa, you really do have a good memory! I haven't thought of him in years! We should build one again when winter comes!"

Elsa stared back at her sister in shocked silence.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Alia asked, bringing the former snow queen back to the reality of her cold, dark prison cell.

"They're under a spell, Alia." Elsa said as she continued staring at the air between them, imagining the confused looks Anna and Kristoff gave her. "That's why they haven't visited." The queen could feel the gears in her head turning. Finally, things were starting to make sense.

"They?" Asked Alia.

"Anna and Kristoff." Elsa clarified. "I remember now. I lost my powers and we tried to figure out how. We went to the valley and Kristoff's family wasn't there." She recounted to a nodding Alia, who never stopped scribbling on her clipboard.

"And then it turned out, they don't remember him at all! I mean, he's been a part of the family for years! Anna and Kristoff didn't remember him at all! I think they've been hexed!" She verbalized her suspicions. It had to be connected somehow. The missing trolls. Anna and Kristoff not remembering Olaf. Come to think of it, Elsa tried to remember the last time she saw Olaf. Perhaps he had disappeared with the trolls. Whoever had taken them - if they had been taken, must have taken the wily snowman as well.

"Who?" Alia asked.

"Olaf! The family snowman?" Elsa replied, continuing her verbal train of thought. "How could they forget? They're under a spell. I smell magic." It was a scary scenario. For the longest time, she was the only person she knew who had any magic. At least with the exception of Grand Pabbie. The thought of another magic wielder out there with the power to erase memories - the sent a chill up Elsa's spine. Only Pabbie was strong enough to erase memories. Like that time he took away Anna's memory of her magic. Elsa stopped as a thought entered her mind. No. It couldn't be-

"Elsa," Alia cleared her throat and rapped her knuckles on the table top to catch her attention. The queen paused and looked at her lawyer.

"I have no idea who you're talking about."


	9. Escalation (Can We Still Be Friends)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa continues to dig deeper into the past. But what she uncovers may not be to her liking, and may lead to her undoing. She may finally learn the reason for her imprisonment, and perhaps bringing her a step closer to freedom.

There was something sitting on the windowsill. Something that definitely hadn't been there before.

A shudder raced up Queen Elsa's spine as a vague sense of recognition slowly set in. The tiny little object, no thicker than her left thumb and not that much longer, stood on six needle-like limbs that held it a fraction of an inch above the icy surface. From its back were twin pairs of crystalline wings, spread out to its sides like that of a mayfly, or a dragonfly. But this thing was no dragonfly. Images long forgotten surfaced from the depths of the snow queen's memories as she stared at the translucent figure that sat on the frigid surface just outside of the bars that kept her from her life. Taunting her. She knew exactly what it was.

"I am NOT crazy," she uttered, fingers tightly gripping the cold iron bars separating her from the world.

"Yes, Elsa. I know," a familiar sultry voice answered from somewhere behind her.

The Queen of Arendelle turned her back to the window, leaving the crystalline fly alone on the windowsill, basking in the pale light of dusk. Behind her, apparently just having entered her cell, was Alia.

"Olaf is real! He's real!" Elsa interrupted her raven-haired companion as she was about to say something. The queen raised a pointed hand towards her visitor as feelings that had been fermenting all night long came to the surface. "He's my snowman!" Elsa felt her voice crack as it subconsciously grew just a little bit louder. "He loves summer."

"He loved summer..." Elsa felt herself rambling, but the words continued to erupt from her aloft a tide of pent-up emotions. "He likes warm hugs..." The queen wrapped her arms around herself. "He likes warm hugs," she repeated, slowly swaying from side to side. "He liked warm hugs..." Her voice trailed away into the aether as she lifted her gaze to meet Alia.

"Did something happen to poor Olaf? Did I do something to Olaf?" She asked. Her eyes widened in horror as a sudden, terrible thought came to mind. "Oh god. I've killed him, haven't I?" Her head snapped towards her companion with a wide-eyed look of panicked concern. "I've killed Olaf!"

"Elsa," her companion reached out towards her in an act of reassurance. The look of concern on the other woman’s face seemed genuine. And despite the snow queen’s misgivings about her mysterious lawyer, she did appear to actually care about her plight. "You can't kill something that exists only in your mind."

“No!” The Queen of Arendelle rapidly pulled away. "He is not just in my mind!" She shot back with a dose of unexpected anger, pulled out from somewhere deep within her fractured soul.

The queen's outburst appeared to surprise her companion, causing her to back off. "Okay okay. There's no need to be all worked up about this." Alia's eyes flitted around as she took a step backwards, her palms up in surrender. "I'm, uh. I'm sure he'll turn up sometime."

Elsa nodded. But something in the tone of her companion's voice felt like Alia was simply saying that to appease her. She still didn't trust the older woman, especially not after remembering seeing the other woman in more of her memories. It seemed like the more the queen remembered, the more of a mystery the raven-haired woman turned out to be. But realization soon set in. Her ' _lawyer_ ', if Alia truly was what she had claimed to be, was Elsa's best chance at seeing the outside of her cell.

"Are you feeling better now?" Alia reached out with a handkerchief. Elsa nodded silently, her ruffled hair a messy blonde cascade around her tear-streaked face. The other woman sighed, then leaned over and dabbed at the queen's cheeks with the silken piece of cloth that Elsa could see bore the Arendellian crocus in gold trim. Her sister loved that symbol, so much that most of her clothes bore it on them somehow. The thought of never seeing her sister again brought the queen to the brink of tears.

"I may be able to secure a release for you soon," Alia said.

Elsa's eyes sparked up upon hearing those words. All thoughts of frozen insects and living snowmen quickly evaporated as she stared into her lawyer’s eyes. If there was a hint of insincerity behind them, Elsa couldn’t see. It didn’t matter. It was a chance.

"It'll only be a temporary release probably," Alia cautioned. "While the trial hasn't st-"

"Yes! Yes, of course." Elsa replied enthusiastically. It didn't matter. Her gaze flicked towards the tiny window and the purplish sky beyond. She hadn't been outside in so long. She could almost feel the warmth of the sun upon her cold, bare skin. Any form of freedom, however temporary, would be a welcome respite from this icy cage she had been trapped in. How many days had it been since she last felt grass under her feet? It had certainly felt like a lifetime ago. Perhaps even four.

"When?" She asked.

Alia looked back at her sternly. "When you've told me enough."

The snow queen bit her lip. _Of course_. There was always something else. Her shoulders rose and fell in a single breath as she sighed in acceptance. "Fine."

"Shall we continue?"

Elsa nodded.

* * *

"I feel like I'm going crazy."

Her words hung heavy in the air amidst the rustling of leaves and the sounds of birds chirping above and around where they had set up camp for the day. At least _'camp'_ was the word Kristoff used to describe two wooden branches propped up against a large rock that held the three fishing poles that they were supposed to catch lunch with. None of the lines had so much as moved since he had baited and set them at least an hour past. Elsa wasn’t even sure there were fish in this glacial river this far from Arendelle.

"I feel ya, sis." Anna's bored voice came from somewhere above the queen. She wasn't the least bit surprised to discover that the princess had apparently climbed the tree she was sitting up against and was haphazardly draped on one of the larger, lower-lying branches just out of arm's reach above her. "We'd be already roasting lunch if mister mountain man over there would just let me catch the fishies my way." She gestured towards a makeshift spear lying on the ground that she had whittled on the way earlier.

"No, no. Patience, guys. Patience is the key." Replied Kristoff, sitting on a large boulder overlooking the spot where their fishing lines were set. He gave the queen a look of concern. "If you're getting hungry, we've got carrots," he motioned over to where Sven was resting sound asleep on the grass some distance away.

"No, it's not that." Elsa shook her head and sighed. The queen looked over at their tiny little family, all three of them plus the reindeer that was sleeping off a ways off in the grass. She felt like their merry band was missing something, like a cart with only three wheels or a sleigh with a single skid. "I can't believe you two would forget about Olaf."

"Hey, I so did remember!" Anna exclaimed from several feet above her. "I mean, how could I forget all the Olafs you made me for Christmas!" A perplexed look grew on her face. "Olaves? Olafs? O...li?"

Elsa closed her eyes and drew a prolonged, deep breath that she then slowly let escape through clenched teeth. The moist birch bark felt surprisingly soft against her nape as she pressed her head against it in frustration. "No!"

"I know, I know. He's a real snowman with a carrot nose and twiggy arms and he walks around and he loves summer!" Anna's voice was as melodic as it was playfully insincere. "Did I miss anything, Kris?"

"He likes warm hugs!" The ice master chimed in while in the middle of untangling some fishing line.

"Ugh!" The queen rose to her feet and threw her hands up in surrender. "I can't believe you two!" Flustered, she looked over at the lone party who hadn't yet participated in the exchange. "Sven! Of course you remember Olaf, right? You're his best friend!"

Without rising, the reindeer blinked his eyes open, made an indecipherable sound, and gave the queen what looked like a shrug. He then craned his neck over and took a carrot out from one of the bags lying in the grass behind him.

"Urgh!" Elsa stomped over to where the fishing rods were and kicked one of the branches supporting them. Kristoff scrambled to catch them as the wooden poles clattered to the ground just an arm's length from the edge of the water. The queen angrily stepped over them and plopped down on the same boulder the branches had been leaning against.

"I can't believe you would forget about him so easily!" She exclaimed out loud in the direction of her sister. "He saved your life!"

"Oh really?" Anna dropped down from her perch and picked up the fishing spear she had discarded earlier upon Kristoff's insistence. "When was that?"

"Back during the-" Elsa stopped. The Great Freeze. Those few days of aborted summer that changed everything. Even now, years after, it still gave the queen chills thinking about the one time in her life when she cut loose without any inhibitions. She found herself staring downwards into the river beneath her feet. Ripples from the river's natural flow, combined with those made by the ice master as he reset their fishing rods, distorted the queen's reflection.

At least, what was supposed to be her reflection. Staring back at the queen was an unfamiliar visage. Her own blue eyes were framed by dark, jet-black strands of hair, styled upwards into a point. _Not again_. Elsa found herself forcing a false smile, one which her eerie doppelganger returned in kind. It was clearly her and not one of the hallucinations that had been plaguing her recently. And yet that creepy smile seemed to last longer on the woman in the water than on herself.

A touch on her shoulder dragged the snow queen back to reality.

"Elsa? Hello, Earth to Elsa?" Anna was tapping her sister on the arm. It seemed like she had been doing that for a while now, given the tone of her voice and the slightly impatient expression on her face.

Elsa gave her younger sister a blank stare. It took her a few seconds before the haze in her mind cleared. "Anna?" She mouthed, all traces of the frustration and anger that had just erupted from her gone from her voice.

"Look sis, I don't know how this Olaf thing got into your head. But you've got to give it a rest." Anna told her sister. "It's creeping out the castle help. Even Gerda's concerned."

"What?" Elsa glanced back down at the water to see her own self looking back up at her, blonde braid and all. There was no sign of the other woman amidst the undulating ripples. "Of course." She mumbled without looking up.

Anna shrugged and smiled. "I'm glad we had this talk, sis." The princess pointed her long wooden stick at the river. "Now I'm gonna go get us some grub!"

Elsa sat back down and watched her sister run off to catch them their lunch. In the background, the trees seemed to grow a bit darker, their shadows cast against each other’s lightened bark growing longer. She tried to close her eyes and focus on the sound of running water below and around them. The river went by as it would have gone without them.

Almost immediately, she felt another presence sit down beside her. "The past few weeks have been kinda hectic, haven't they?" Kristoff said.

The queen let out a prolonged sigh. "Yeah." In the distance, Anna had grabbed the spear she had made earlier and was standing shin-deep in a shallow part of the river scanning the water for signs of fish. "It's...Anna. She seems jumpy, excitable. More than usual." With an excited yell, the lithe princess hurled the makeshift spear into the water. The wooden pole struck the ground with enough force to keep it standing even with the river trying to push it over. The annoyed look on Anna’s face implied she had missed.

"Well, you did give her a buncha important positions. She's stressed out. She isn't used to these. Not yet." Kristoff swung his legs out over the water beside hers. Her dainty feet seemed so small compared to his boots. Beyond them, their reflections danced with the ripples of the water's edge. She dared not look if the other woman was there, sitting beside her man. He continued. "She just needs time."

"Yeah, I guess I gave her too much to do." Memories of the days, weeks, and months after the death of their parents washed over Elsa. She let them pass like the water over the rocky riverbed beneath them, leaving only the overwhelming feeling of isolation borne from responsibilities suddenly heaped upon the young princesses' shoulders. In the distance, Anna had her arms wrapped around the spear attempting to extricate it from the riverbed. Elsa smiled. Kristoff was right.

"...and you?" She felt his arm snake around her waist and pull her close to him. The warmth of his body was reassuring, even through his thick jacket. But there was a coldness in her that could not be banished by any amount of heat or affection, no matter how hard she pulled herself against her lover. “How’s my queen?”

The queen dared a glance at the water's surface but ripples from the river's natural flow combined with those from Anna's fishing antics upstream obscured their reflections, much to her relief. She did however spy a hint of black before she quickly jerked her gaze to the ice master.

“I'm fine." Elsa lied.

* * *

"You what?!?"

The papers on the royal desk actually flew into the air as the princess slammed both her palms onto the hard wooden surface. She hit the wood with so much force that it almost knocked over the inkwell the queen had been using to sign things.

A sigh escaped past Elsa's pursed lips as she looked up from the stack of papers that now lay strewn all over her desk. Her sister glared at her angrily from the other side.

"You're not ready," the queen said. This was exactly why she had rescinded her younger sister's official duties. If Anna was going to be Arendelle's representative to the rest of the world, she was going to have to learn to restrain herself. This impulsive outburst was proving her right. "Besides, I simply relieved you of a few of your duties."

"A few?" Anna waved a sheet of parchment in front of her sister’s face. Elsa squinted. It was far too close to read anything on it, but the queen did somewhat recognize her handwriting. "Bakery opening in Trondjhem. Hospice visit in Troms. A cobbler blessing in god knows where. A cobbler, Elsa! A cobbler!" Anna’s voice grew more frustrated with each utterance.

"I've already been all over Arendelle!" The princess threw the piece of paper at her sister. At first, it seemed like it was going to fly straight towards the queen before veering off the desk onto the floor behind it. "Three times over!"

"Perhaps a fourth would do you some good,” Elsa sighed. The queen was having none of this. She glanced over to the window, expecting to see the morning sun bathing the fjord in its gentle rays. There was nothing but blue. No clouds, and the sun was somewhere far above.

"I was looking forward to the ambassadorship, sis!” Anna pleaded, this time a little bit less forceful. “I want to see the world, Elsa!” The princess walked to the window behind where her sister was sitting and placed her palms flat on the glass, spread out and above her. "Don't you?"

"Me?" The queen shook her head. It was a question she had never entertained before. Aside from the off official state visit here and there, she had never really left Arendelle. Those few times that she had were in the company of her sister and the ice master. And she was always in a hurry to get official business over with so that they could return home to the safety of the castle.

“Don’t you enjoy it?” The younger princess pulled a chair up to the queen’s desk. “Don’t you remember? Paris? The Seine? Even Weselton? All that fog?”

Elsa carefully replaced the quill she was holding back into its well and turned to face her sister. Despite it being only a few hours past breakfast, she could already feel the fatigue seeping into her bones, her flesh. She looked into her sister’s eyes and saw the same tiredness in them. “I don’t want you to overexert yourself,” Elsa said.

"Bullshit, sis. You know I can." Anna rose to her feet and grabbed the piece of paper that decided her fate for the next few months.

"The stress is getting to you, Anna.” Elsa replied with a sigh.

"You're one to talk about stress. Look what it's doing to you." The princess placed her hand over her sister’s. The youthful warmth was comforting to the queen, but it did nothing for the exhaustion and tiredness that dwelt deeper inside.

"Yes and if I can barely keep it together, how about you?" She challenged. Anna stood back and placed her hands on her hips.

"Oh I am keeping it together," Anna stated as a tassel of hair fell over her eyes. She quickly waved it back into place over and behind her right ear, unintentionally poking the tie that held the rest of her strawberry blonde hair up, causing it to cascade down her shoulders. "I am keeping it together!"

Elsa sighed. Two years between them seemed like an entire decade. Her sister was right. But the queen still couldn’t fully commit to what she wanted. She simply didn’t want her sister to end up just like her. Broken. “Ok, fine.” The queen took the parchment that Anna had casually left on her desk. “Norge. Sverige. That’s as far as you go first, ok?” She took the quill and made a few alterations to Princess Anna’s official assignment.

“Then let’s see next year, perhaps I may consider letting you go further.” It was a compromise. At least this assignment meant no long sea voyages. The queen tried not to think about the diplomatic trip their parents were on when they were lost at sea. She couldn’t risk losing her sister. She was all she had left.

The princess, clearly disappointed, reluctantly took the parchment. “I don’t know why you don’t trust me, sis.” She managed to say through teary eyes. “I’ll show you, sis. I’ll show you.”

And just like that, she disappeared through the door just as fast as she came in, with nary a trace left except a heavy feeling in the heart of the queen. Elsa didn’t know how long she spent staring out the window, out at the clear blue skies over the fjord, into the mountains in the distance. Her younger sister’s words echoing in her mind and her heart. Didn’t she want to see the world? Elsa looked over at the tiny town of Arendelle, the hills above them, and the mountains further north.

This was her world.

* * *

Blue. Pastel blue. The sky above Arendelle had never been as blue as it seemed that afternoon. Thin, wispy clouds adorned the ceiling like streaks of grey against an azure background. It reminded the queen of that one afternoon she spent walking on the banks of the river Seine, on a state visit to France years ago. Where was it? A place called Argenteuil? Elsa reminisced. It seemed like one of the quaint, idyllic paintings in the castle gallery. Too much like a painting, surreptitiously framed by the triangular wooden struts that bordered the castle window.

Below, closer to reality, the castle courtyard and the bridge to Arendelle was bustling with people. Citizens of Arendelle, going about their daily lives, oblivious to the fact that they were being watched from above. All except for one woman who seemed like she was looking directly at Elsa. The queen blinked a few times and then squinted at the lone figure standing in the crowd. Her bright blue dress and short black hair stood out among the crowd of people crossing the bridge both ways to and fro from the castle.

It was her. Elsa felt the skin on her arm tighten as recognition set in. The raven-haired woman that had been haunting her for well over a month now. She was staring straight across the half of the bridge that lay between her and the castle, over the dozens of people milling about, and directly towards the window of Elsa's study where the queen had been gazing out from. At that distance, it was difficult to see any detail, but Elsa swore she could see the woman's icy blue eyes looking straight into her own. It sent a shiver racing up her spine, enough to cause her to retreat backwards and seek shelter within the thick velvet curtains.

From across the courtyard, the raven-haired woman held one hand up, and shook her head as she casually walked into the rest of the crowd. Just like that, the woman disappeared into Arendelle, but not before flashing the queen a parting smile. No, it was more like a sinister grin. From behind the heavy drapes, Elsa scanned the crowd for any hint of that distinctive duck tailed black hair to no avail.

"Elsa?" The masculine voice that came directly behind her startled the queen with such ferocity that she spun around without realizing she was still clutching the curtains. The thick, blue cloth wrapped around her body just as she stepped backwards and into the wall, causing her to lose her balance. Thankfully, the curtains stopped her from falling, only to entrap her in their crushing embrace.

She stared directly at Kristoff with a half-surprised, half-exasperated look on her face.

"You ok? You seem...bothered," he asked. The ice master stood in the doorway of her study in semi-formal regalia. His slicked-backed hair was already falling back down to its typical mussed state, indicative of a long afternoon of work.

The queen looked back out the window into the thinning crowd outside, carefully scanning for a hint of blue. "Nothing," she muttered, more to herself than as a reply to the ice master. Slowly, she spun out of the curtains and back onto the window seat she had been resting in.

"Kris," she looked out and up at the azure sky. The sun had been on its slow way down for a while now and what were once grey streaks of wispy matter were now dyed in hues of crimson and amber. "Do you ever wonder?" Most of the bustle had gone as the citizenry dwindled to just a few souls walking to and fro. Woken by the setting sun, insects were taking their sundown flights over and around the castle grounds before heading out to the fjord to mate over the water.

"Wonder?" Kristoff gently placed a hand on his queen's shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze. She reached up and gave him one back before he took a seat on the windowsill across from her.

"About what could have been." Outside, on the outer ledge, was what looked like a grasshopper, or a dragonfly. Elsa remembered playing with insects as a child. This was well before the accident that changed their lives forever.

"What do you mean?" Kristoff slipped off his heavy boots and wearily stretched his legs on the seat. The ice master’s thick legs looked like tree trunks compared to the queen’s saplings. She repositioned hers to give him more space, planting a tired heel on his thigh and resting the back of her knees on his shins.

"Back when...it happened. If I was never born the way I was. If I never had my...would life be any different?" The insect appeared to walk closer to the pane of glass that separated it from the queen. _Crystyfies_. Anna would call them _'crystyfies'_ , she remembered. Crystal flies. Because that's what they looked like when her older sister froze them.

"What's happened is happened," Kristoff took Elsa's bare foot that was resting against the window and gave it another squeeze. "The past is in the past, remember?"

"But what if?" Reminiscing on those times, Elsa never really thought about the fact that the grasshoppers she froze never survived the icy ordeal. Those that didn't shatter from the younger princesses' boisterous antics would eventually thaw. Their lifeless, soggy bodies the two children would then collect into a pile and then haphazardly buried somewhere outside the castle.

All except Vani. The _crystyfy_ that lived. It was just one among dozens of tiny little playthings that Elsa had made for her little sister. Except it was the only one that had survived. It was tiny little Anna that had noticed the membranous wings, still wet from the ice that had once held them frozen solid, starting to move. The sisters were so excited, they had never told anyone else. Not even themselves.

Anna kept it in a jar in her room and gave it its name. However, their time with Vani would be short lived. Not soon after, Anna met her fateful accident. That led to her memory of all things magic being wiped from her mind. Memories that included almost all of her playful moments with her older sister. Including the memories of Vani, the _crystyfy_ that lived.

Elsa never played with her sister after that, and never saw Vani or another _crystyfy_ again.

Until today.

"Elsa, are you alright?" The heavy yet reassuring weight of Kristoff's hand on her knee brought Elsa back to the fading turquoise skies of the present. Her gaze went from that space between the window and the outside to the ice master tugging at her leg.

"Huh?" She stole a glance at the ledge beyond the panes of glass that separated her from the world. The grasshopper was no longer there. If it ever had been there at all. "Yes," she mumbled half-heartedly, shook her head, and then turned to face her companion. "No, sorry. What were you saying?"

Kristoff flashed her a warm smile as he gave her another squeeze. It was his turn to shake his head. "I was just saying. That night I found my family, I was chasing after a trail of ice, which led me to a scared little girl who just wanted her sister to be ok."

"After all these years, you still remember?" Elsa felt herself leaning forward, closer to her companion, as she recalled those very events he was describing. The snow queen remembered the terror she felt looking at that white streak in her sister’s hair, a visible scar of her sister’s sin that she bore until the Great Thaw. She could still feel the fear causing her powers to freeze the very ground that their sled rode over, as if it were just yesterday.

Kristoff edged closer to his queen, leaning forward himself to meet her halfway across the triangular windowsill that they were sitting in. "I remember peeking out from behind a rock. There were your parents. Then there was Anna, in your father's arms. And there you were, in your blue dress, looking so terrified." The ice master reached out and cupped Elsa's cheek with a single, warm hand. His ungloved palm radiated a comforting warmth against and into her flesh. "Even in your distress, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on."

Elsa felt her blood racing up the sides of her neck, pulsing in synchronic swing with her heart thumping against the inside of her chest. That aching urge that had been nesting deep inside her belly had woken.

"You still are." Kristoff had no need to pull her in. The snow queen lunged forward of her own accord, straight into the ice master's waiting lips. 

A deep, hoarse, prolonged moan of relief escaped the queen's throat. The pressure that had been building up over the past month was finally coming to a head. She felt like a pot that was about to boil over, and now the lid was about to come off.

She took Kristoff's right hand, still cupping her cheek, and placed it on her clothed breast. The ice master wasted no time eliciting a moan from his queen with a single slow squeeze.

"Ahem."

"Ahem!"

The lovers froze at the exact same time as their attention switched to the door that had just slammed shut.

There, in front of the door, stood Princess Anna. There was something in the look on her face - a slight squinting of her right eye, the way her lips pressed her line of a mouth thinner than usual, the over-controlled way her neck expanded with each careful breath - something told Elsa that her sister still hadn't gotten used to her older sister and her ex-boyfriend being together.

As if on reflex, Kristoff pushed himself away from his queen with such force that he made an audible thump against the castle wall. The mountain man quickly untangled his legs from Elsa’s and swung them out and down towards the floor, leaping to his feet in record time.

Elsa slumped back into the window seat as her still-unfulfilled urges evaporated into the air. Where the ice master appeared aghast at being caught in such a compromising situation, Elsa simply felt...annoyed. Once more, the fates had conspired to deny her release, despite dangling it ever so close this time.

"I just passed by to say goodbye," Anna said without changing her expression. The princess was apparently getting better at hiding her feelings. Although there was a slight croak in her voice that Elsa barely noticed.

"But it's late," Elsa gestured towards the window. The pale blue sky had been taken over by the darkness that crept over it every night, like a curtain on cue.

"Last ship to Bergen leaves tonight. If I go now, I can make it on. I should be in Cristiania by tomorrow." The princess waved around the stained piece of parchment she was holding. It was the same one the sisters had argued about earlier.

"Do you have to go?" Even before she had finished speaking, memories of that one late afternoon when she last saw their parents rushed to Elsa’s mind. She shook her head clear, to no avail.

“I’ll be fine.” Anna raised an eyebrow and tapped the parchment she was holding. "Sis. You're the one who ordered me to go."

The queen closed her eyes as she fell back onto her window seat. A sigh raced up from deep within her chest, found her lips clenched tight, and then escaped through her nostrils in a puff of invisible smoke. It had been a long day. Between work and her interrupted tryst, she had no more energy for this conversation.

Upon seeing her older sister shrug in defeat, the princess shook her head and headed for the door. Before she stepped out, she gave her ex-boyfriend a look.

"Don't tire yourself out, ice man. Don’t forget our goodbye dinner later."

Elsa’s eyes popped open as soon as her sister’s words sunk in. "Wait, what exactly is a 'goodbye dinner'?" She could feel her knit together as she glared at the ice master, and then the princess, and back at Kristoff.

"Hone-Anna, we're-" Kristoff stammered. He nervously glanced over at Elsa, then quickly looked down at the floor between his feet. He was shifting his weight from side-to-side, fidgeting way more than the stoic ice harvester normally did.

The queen, empowered by the sudden rush of anger, rose to her feet and took a step towards the door. "You should leave." Her words were stern, her voice whole and unbroken, directed towards the only other woman in the room.

"Oh, now I should leave?" The princess appeared to accept her sister's unspoken challenge, crossing her arms over her chest as she widened her stance.

Elsa could feel the heat rising from her neck, bathing her flushed cheeks in invisible steam. Her wide eyes slowly narrowed into slits as she glared at her sister. "Yes."

"Oh!" Something perked up in the younger princesses' voice. Something changed in her expression. A familiar tone that the queen, in her exhaustion, had just now only noticed. It was as if Anna was itching for a fight. As if she had been trying to goad her elder sister into one the entire time.

"This isn't about me at all, isn't it? This about Kristoff." She gestured towards her ex-lover, conveniently having backed off into the corner of the room, most probably hoping to be left out of the conversation. "You're sending me away because you feel threatened!" Anna pointed directly at her sister.

"Threatened? That’s ridiculous. Anna, I don't see what-"

"You can't deal with the fact that after all this time, he still likes me!" Anna shouted, her voice reverberating loud enough to worry the queen that their familial spat might be overheard by anyone in the corridors.

"He does not!" Elsa screamed back, glancing over at the ice master as he was silently squirming backwards into the shadows. Their eyes met for a fleeting second before he averted his gaze downwards. The look of guilt on his face belied the truth of her sister's words. Elsa's insides fell into a sudden deep pit. "- oh, he...no."

Anna, clearly in some sort of combative mood, kept pressing. "Even after stealing him from me!" She pointed an accusing finger at her older sister.

"I did NOT steal him!" Elsa screamed back.

It must have been the tone of her voice, or the way she slammed her foot down on the hardwood floor that stopped the stalwart princess in her tracks. With that outburst, Elsa could feel her anger slowly melting away in pretty much the same way the ice melted during the great thaw all those years ago.

Her outburst was met with a sudden unexpected silence. One that amplified the sound of the wind rapping on the glass behind her. Even the slight buzz of the insects dancing over the fjord permeated the heavy atmosphere. Anna stood frozen, seemingly half-confused and staring wide-eyed at her older sister. From the far corner, Elsa could see Kristoff similarly staring at her, mouth agape.

"Oh are you going to stab me with that?" Anna finally broke the silence as she glared at her older sister. There was a slight twinge of fear mixed in with the anger still in her voice. "You gonna finish the job you started years ago?"

"What?" Elsa asked, suddenly confused. She followed her sister's piercing gaze from across the room to her own hand. And the icy dagger she was holding.

"What-no," the snow queen reflexively threw the shard of ice away, recoiling in horror. The crystalline sliver shattered into a thousand little pieces as it hit the floor, not far from where the edge of a giant snowflake pattern was receding back towards where the snow queen had forcefully stomped her foot seconds earlier. "Anna-I didn't mean to," Elsa mumbled as she stumbled backwards.

"Sis, I think we all know you did." The princess said, almost in a whisper. "I think we need time apart. From each other."

"Anna, wait!"

"I'm going."

And with that, Princess Anna spun on her heels and pulled the door open. "Take care of my sister." She nodded at her former lover as she left the room.

"Anna!" Kristoff followed her outside, leaving the queen alone with her thoughts.

"I didn't mean to..." Elsa whispered, looking down at her hands. The air around her felt stale and frigid, the cold embracing her body with familiar caress. _'I didn't mean to,'_ Elsa looked at the dark stain in the middle of the room which had been a puddle of water mere moments before. _'Did I?'_

* * *

The next few days went by like a blur. It was not so much a reluctance to meet each other as it was the inevitability of their royal responsibilities that kept the queen and the ice master from each other. The absence of the princess only made life in and around the castle a little more quiet, a little more bleak. Anna was the bundle of energy that kept their family going. Without her, life was bland. Uneventful. Routine.

The air in the castle quickly grew stale. Even the servants seemed to walk more cautiously, with significantly less enthusiasm, disturbing a tad less dust with their careful footsteps. It seemed like it was the princess that gave them that bounce in their step, that occasional skip in their gait, the flavor in their soup.

First Olaf, now Anna. Elsa dreaded what would happen if Kristoff took Sven and left to do his own thing as well. She would be left alone, again. Just like before.

It was in this dank atmosphere that Elsa found herself standing outside the door to Anna's personal quarters one late night.

 _Knock knock_. The doorknob made an audible click as the queen slowly pushed the door open. Anna never locked the door to her room, not even after she and Kristoff became a couple. It made for some awkward moments when her older sister would accidentally enter during one of their...sessions.

The first time, Elsa almost shrieked in surprise. It was only thanks to a quick quip from Olaf that they all burst out in laughter. After that time though, a little part of Elsa would always wonder how it felt to be in her sister's shoes.

She was careful to make sure the castle corridors were empty before slipping into her sister's room. Not that it truly mattered. The servants had all but retired for the night. And what would it be aside from a monarch casually roaming her own castle? Still, it felt a little like an invasion of her sister's privacy just to even be in her room.

The illumination from the tiny little lamp that Elsa placed on the dresser was barely enough for her to make her way to the bed. For the first time in a while, the quilted livery draped over the bed lay untouched and proper.

At first, the queen sat down on the edge of the bed in her typical prim and proper manner. The familiar scent of strawberries still lingered in the air despite the princess having left Arendelle days ago. The aroma almost brought Elsa to tears, exacerbated by the slight ringing in her ears from the abject silence. She found herself falling to her side and burying her face in her sister's pillows.

Lying on an unfamiliar bed, curled up on her side, it took the queen a while to notice another familiar smell in the air. Carrots. And reindeer musk. It was much stronger down closer to the sheets than it was in the air above the bed. She lay down in an attempt to bury herself in her lover’s scent while simultaneously wondering how it had gotten on her sister’s bed. His ex-girlfriend’s bed.

Elsa felt the room grow colder as her eyes narrowed into slits. What was that phrase Anna used? _Something session_? Elsa emitted an audible growl as she tried to trace the scent of Kristoff on the sheets. What little light there was grew even dimmer in the unnaturally frigid air.

Behind her, something growled back.

"Hah!" The snow queen yelped as she spun towards the far side of Anna's bed, misjudged the distance to the edge, and fell over the side. It wasn't the cold hard floor that greeted her but something soft and warm instead.

"Oof!" Kristoff groaned from beneath her. "Elsa?" He rubbed his eyes, squinting at her face for a few confused seconds. "Elsa!" The ice master eased the queen down on the floor before sitting up. "What're you doing here?" He mumbled as he steadied himself with an elbow on the mattress beside them.

The queen shook her head and smiled. From the slightly groggy expression on his face and the sound of his voice, it seemed like he had been sleeping here for a while. All traces of malice left her as realization dawned. It appeared as if there was yet one more sentiment she shared with the ice master.

"You miss her too." Elsa pushed off from the floor to sit back on the bed. Kristoff took a few more moments to gather his senses before he followed suit.

"Elsa, she's my best friend." He said, hands clasped together between his knees as if he was avoiding contact. "I mean, after Sven. But, you know what I mean."

The queen laughed, nodded and leaned into him, her head quickly finding his shoulder on instinct. Yet another sentiment they both shared. The scent of carrots and reindeer was strongest near his neck. She reached over and placed one ungloved hand on his arm. "I miss you."

Kristoff reciprocated, taking Elsa's hand and threading his fingers in between her own. The sensation of his bare flesh against hers banished all thoughts of her sister from the queen's mind.

Here they were. The snow queen and the ice master. Together. Alone. At last. Urges that had been stifled, interrupted, and denied suddenly rushed up from the depths of Elsa's core.

The queen knew exactly what she wanted. The queen knew exactly what she needed. She leapt on the ice master with such ferocity that the couple slammed onto the bed and into the sheets.

"Elsa, wai-mmph!" Kristoff's words were cut short by the forceful crashing of lips against lips. The queen's arms instinctively reached out behind and encircled the ice master's neck, pulling the two lovers closer together.

It was a raw, primal kiss reminiscent of their first time together, a tryst that felt lifetimes ago. In a way, it was. The lovers locked lips clamped over each other, tongues forcefully lashing at each other in a perpetual dance of lingual agility.

That burning tightness that had been nestling in the queen's bosom for the greater part of the past month had grown into a blazing inferno that now raced through her veins, setting her limbs afire and threatening to burst forth and engulf the entire bed.

The ice master seemed to be under a similar spell as he wrapped her tiny waist in his sinewy arms and drew her close. Their bodies clashed together like violent ocean waves on a rocky Nordic shore.

Elsa could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips, over her nose, in between torrid kisses. The hot aroma of spiced meat mixed with the fragrant smell of crushed carrots streamed over her cheeks as the ice master pulled away from her, a single thickened strand connecting the lovers' lips before snapping in half and falling to oblivion.

Kristoff's coat was the first to go, hurled across the room in a fit of passion. His undershirt quickly followed as the queen's nimble hands made short work of the clasps and buttons that held the ice master's garments together. She could feel him clumsily fumbling with her dress, hands racing up and down her back in a futile attempt to work it loose.

The queen darted in for one quick, sloppy peck on the tip of his aquiline nose before leaning back to do the job herself. An audible growl forced its way past her clenched teeth as the ice queen pulled off her coat. In a single deft movement, her formal coat slipped off over her head, taking her braid with it. Her underslip took a tad longer to rip open as her fingers worked the front buttons for a few seconds, gave up, and just forced them open before casting the dress into the shadows.

Elsa's platinum blonde hair cascaded loosely around her shoulders as she leaned backwards and bit down on her lower lip, presenting herself with a seductive smile. Across from her, in a similar state of partial undress, Kristoff stared lustfully at her naked breasts.

A few seconds was all it took for the two lovers to race for each other once more, pulling each other close as their partially nude bodies met in a crash of flesh. Kristoff's chest felt hot and rough pressed against her heaving chest.

She felt his hands creep from her back to her bared flanks, his fingers resting in the shallow indentations between her ribs while his thumbs reached towards each other, tracing half circles under her luscious breasts. The roughness of his fingertips moving back and forth against her sensitive skin sent jolts of electricity throughout her entire body.

Without releasing her mouth's grip on his lips, the queen straddled one of his legs and pressed down with all her weight. The intense pressure released a moan that grew into a stifled scream as she ground herself into the rough cloth covering his thigh. She could feel the tightness down there growing, pulsing, begging for release.

"Oh Kristoff, take me!" The words came out on instinct. The snow queen shut her eyes and allowed her body to do the rest of the talking. Overwhelmed by the sudden rush of sensations, feelings, emotions that she had been keeping bottled up for god knows how long. It was a blur of groaning flesh, all washing over her like a single rock on the precipice of a waterfall.

When she finally managed to open her eyes, she was already lying down on the bed facing the ceiling. Kristoff’s hair was tickling her chin, a minor sensation compared to the waves of pleasure he was eliciting from her as he kissed her breasts. She gasped for breath in between groans, falling into a rhythm of inhaling as fast as possible before her lover squeezed her breaths out with his mouth.

She couldn’t take it anymore. As soon as Elsa decided to pull Kristoff up into a kiss, the ice master crawled further south pulling her skirt down along with him. His tongue coaxed a scream from the queen, one that she only managed to stifle by grabbing one of her sister’s pillows and slamming it over her face. Somehow, Anna’s strawberry scent amplified the effects of Kristoff’s lingual lashing. She could feel her thighs trembling, her knees bending, her toes digging into the soft cushion of the bed. The queen tried to slam her legs together, ending up straddling her lover’s head between them.

He growled as he crawled back up to face her. Elsa, suddenly given a few moments of rest, caught a whiff of her own musk on and around his lips right before he enveloped hers. The scent only served to further awaken her primal womanly urges. Her hands clamped down on his tight buttocks, squeezing and mashing as he had done to her breasts earlier.

“Take me!” She whispered into his ear, her hands finding the clasp of his pants and pulling them loose. Almost immediately, she could feel his hardness pressed against her tightness. “Take me!” She ordered.

Her world exploded as they finally united. Two bodies, writhing in a mass of aching flesh, alone in a sea of darkness. Outside, the stars over Arendelle cast their meager light through the window, barely illuminating the royal couple as they consummated their love.

The queen felt her scream of passion reverberating against the walls more than she could hear it. Any pretense of shame or modesty had long gone. Let the servants think whatever they want. There was only the here. There was only the now. Two souls, united in a passionate dance.

Elsa felt her lover slip out as she wrapped her legs around his thick midsection and pushed to the side. The force of her thighs flipped them over and the queen found herself now on top of her ice master. Beneath her, Kristoff looked at her with eyes of pure lust, his hands reaching up to cup both of her breasts in his massive hands. She bent forward to meet them, trying to steady her trembling body as she maneuvered her hips over his.

A massive sigh left the queen as she slowly guided herself down onto and around him. Each inch felt like an eternity, sending blasts of pleasure over and over again matching the speed of her heart pounding on her chest. Elsa paused as her bare bottom rested on sweat-drenched flesh, her lover now buried as deep inside her own body as much as reality would allow.

Her body began grinding unconsciously on instinct, following instructions that had been encoded in her very womanhood since before she could walk. Below her, Kristoff pulled her down into another passionate kiss as the lovers continued their dance of the flesh unbound by their worldly restraints.

Days, weeks, perhaps even months of bottled up passion coalesced into a beautiful mess of an explosion that left both snow queen and ice master panting and shaking in the throes of bliss.

It felt like an eternity before the cold managed to permeate the ice queen’s skin, the haze of lust slowly evaporating from the still-entwined lovers bodies. Something felt wrong.

Elsa found her gaze drawn to the dimly-lit corner of the room where she had thrown Kristoff's overcoat. It wasn't there. In its place was a crumpled blue dress with a high collar, much like the one she typically wore during formal occasions. Much like the one that the raven-haired woman was wearing earlier.

"You like this, don't you?" It wasn't Kristoff's voice that tried to caress her from beneath. It was a woman's.

"No!" The queen quickly tried to push herself off the bed, but to no avail. She felt a pair of pale and hairless legs wrapped around her naked waist, the weight of which pulled her...and her...down onto the other woman. Her. The raven-haired woman. Smiling seductively up at her. Lying almost naked beneath her. Touching her. Inside of her.

The snow queen screeched as she grabbed one of her sister's pillows and slammed it down onto the other woman's grinning face. A crown of short, black hair wailed loosely peeking above the thick cushion that Elsa was mashing into the bed. The smooth and tiny hands that had been caressing her flanks started slapping and scratching, attempting to push her off.

Elsa kept the pillow over the woman's face with all her might, leaning into the thick cushion with all the weight of her entire body. Her shoulders buckled with the thrashing beneath her but she wouldn't - she couldn't - give way.

This was going to end, tonight.

Elsa felt her fear, her rage, her anger coalesce into a ball in her center. The pulsating energy rapidly burst forth through her arms and out her palms, through the pillow and straight into the woman that had been making her life into such a paranoid miserable mess.

Almost immediately the woman's writhing stopped. Her arms stopped flailing and fell to the bed, limp.

The room fell silent. The queen suddenly noticed the sound that tiny bits of snow were making as they hit the window panes. Elsa turned her attention to the now-unmoving body on her sister's bed. In their struggle. The strange woman had ended up partially wrapped in Anna's heavy quilt. The quilt that only minutes before, she had been carousing on with her sister’s ex-lover. Only a hint of dark blue fabric showed down the side of the bed where the blanket was too short.

Else still had her hands on the pillow smothering the stranger's face. The queen kept her weight on the cushion. She shuddered at the thought of staring into a dead person's eyes. Dead. Because of her.

She felt for the magic but it wasn't there. Not anymore. Like usual. Whatever that was earlier, it was but a momentary release, perhaps a final gasp of the last vestiges of her magic that had since long gone. Perhaps it was a slight leakage of magic that was now terribly repressed more than ever. It mattered not. She had killed a woman.

The reality of the situation started to sink in. The queen remained frozen in place, unwilling or unable to move. Or both. She swallowed twice, to no avail. Her throat felt dry. Her arms began trembling. Beneath them lay a person, dead by her hand.

Did the servants hear? She glanced at the door and tried to listen to the sounds behind it. There was nothing but the ringing of dead silence, punctuated by the sound of her own breath, and the thumping of her heart that she could feel more than hear. Kristoff was nowhere in sight. If he was ever in the room at all. Thoughts raced through the queen’s addled mind, of betrayal, of foul magic. No, it was real. What she felt was real. Kristoff was here! And yet beneath her lay a woman’s body.

It took all of Elsa's inner strength to even dare a look at her handiwork. The woman's head lay motionless under the pillow that the queen was still leaning on. Below, the voluptuous, near-naked body was somewhat splayed out in its final throes. In the dying light of the room's lone lamp, she could make out a light dusting of reddish freckles that trailed down the woman's neck to the top of her large breasts. Below, the quilt covered the rest of her modesty, whatever that was worth for a person that was now no more.

Moments passed as hours, yet the snow queen's heart kept pounding on her chest from within. The rage that had given her so much strength had gone, leaving her sweat-drenched body shivering in frigid silence. Her arms slipped a little, letting loose some of the stranger's hair from beneath the ice-soaked pillow.

It took Elsa a while to realize what was wrong with what she was seeing. The woman that had been tormenting and taunting her possessed short, black hair slicked back and up into a duck tailed onion. The hair peeking out wasn't black at all.

Part of a single braid slid out from under the pillow. The tip of the other braid peeked out just above the woman's freckled shoulder.

They were strawberry blonde.

The entire room erupted in ice.


	10. Tech Support (Floating in Space)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa attempts to deal with the fallout of the latest revelation from her lost memories. Her once-broken mind now almost-complete, she is finally ready to venture forth from the cell she has been locked up in this whole time.
> 
> Together with her lawyer-turned-confidante, Alia, she goes back to the place where it all began. The place where she once cast off the shackles of responsibility to be free. Together, can they finally solve the mystery plaguing the Snow Queen of Arendelle?

Cold.

No other word more appropriately described what she was feeling. It enveloped her in an opaque cloud of snowy mist, choking out every other inkling of whatever else might be. It welcomed her like a parent reuniting with a prodigal child. A child that had long since flown the nest and was only just coming home. It embraced her like a familiar someone she had known all her life, encircling her entire being with its icy tendrils.

"Elsa."

A disembodied voice called out to her by name. A sudden ray of sunlit warmth that broke through the alabaster ceiling and reached out to her within her icy prison.

"Elsa."

She reached back.

The former snow queen of Arendelle looked up into the concerned eyes of the woman that had been assigned to defend her. She found herself curled up in a fetal position on the frigid stone floor of her tiny cell. Above them, through the tiny hole in the ceiling, a single lone star looked down upon her with its pale light as if in judgement of the horrible thing she had done.

Alia was kneeling down beside her, one hand cautiously placed on her shoulder rocking her back and forth gently in a rather soothing fashion. Elsa blinked a few times as she was slowly eased out of the catatonic stupor she had been swimming in for the past few days. Was it just a few days? Her eyes darted around her cell seeking her bearings. The queen had been incapacitated ever since she had remembered. _Remember_. Even now, thoughts of her crime brought tears to her eyes, and the room began to spin again.

"Elsa. Talk to me. Please." The relief in Alia's voice was noticeable, even more than the genuine look of worry on her face. It couldn't have been the same face, Elsa shook her head in disbelief. Not the same face that was on her sister's body that night. But it was. Here she was, the visage that had been tormenting her memories for months. And yet the mysterious raven-haired woman was still her only hope. _Hope_. There was nothing left to hope for. Alia mouthed words that took a bit longer to register in the snow queen’s mind. "Are you alright?"

Alright. All right. Nothing was right. Nothing was ever going to be alright. All was not right.

"I killed her." A low whisper escaped Elsa's lips. The words left a trembling feeling in her mouth that remained long after her breath had carried that foul thought away and towards her companion.

"I know." Alia replied. This was as sincere and accommodating as the other woman had appeared in their short time together. There was no judgement in the older woman's tone. Simply sadness.

Elsa curled up into a ball, finding some measure of penitent release in the pinpricks of pain she felt as the jagged rock wall pressed through her flimsy dress and into her soft flesh. "I want this all to end." The snow queen wrapped her arms around her knees, drawing her legs close to her chest. If she had the strength, she could simply pull herself into herself and hopefully disappear from the world, she thought. “Make it stop.”

"I fear that day may come sooner than you think." Alia glanced at the door for a split-second before holding her hand out towards her ward. "Come on, let's get you up."

The queen shut her eyes and drew her thoughts deeper into herself. Images of her sister raced through her mind. _Her dead sister._ _Dead by her hand._ No. This was her fate. This was her punishment. She could taste blood where she had sunk her teeth into her lower lip. The pain felt good. _No_ , _it felt right._ It felt like righteous punishment. And yet here was a promise of salvation, simply waiting for her to take it by the hand.

"How long have I been out?" She muttered from behind a mess of matted blonde hair. The smell of icy dust entered her nostrils as she rolled her cheek into the rocky floor.

"I don't know. Days.” She felt Alia shaking her by the shoulder again. In a way, it was somehow comforting. “Elsa, snow queen or not, you're only still human. You must eat something."

Alia was right. That pain in her stomach that she had been trying hard to ignore for hours now suddenly made more sense. She looked upwards at the face of the woman she had thought she had killed. Upwards into the eyes of the only person who could get her out of here. It was like looking at a ghost. A ghost that was her only remaining companion.

"It was you."

"Elsa," her lawyer appeared to be at a loss for words. "I don't know what to tell you. You’re under extreme duress. Sometimes, your mind may behave as if it were a dream. What you see may not be what is-"

"It was you!"

The snow queen slapped the hand that was reaching out towards her. Previously-untapped strength surged through her lithe frame as she rose to her feet, assisted by one hand against the hewn rock wall beside her. She pointed an accusatory finger up at her companion.

"Elsa. We've been through this before. Maybe you're remembering wrong. Maybe your memories are damaged, somehow. I don’t know." Alia pleaded, hands up and backing up now that her ward was on her feet. “I can help. I know some people who can help.”

Elsa shook her head wildly, her unkempt hair swaying along with her erratically. "It was Anna. It was you. It was Anna. It was you. Kristoff was you. And you were Anna." The former snow queen stumbled forward onto the wooden table that they had had most of their conversations over. She felt her legs almost give way as she reached the austere wooden chair that sat beside it. Her anger could only empower her so much, it seemed.

"Look. I was finally able to get you a pass. I can take you out of here, at least for a while.”

Upon hearing those words, Elsa perked up in her seat. The sun. The sky. The sweet salty breeze of the northern winds as they blew across the fjord. Home. Kristoff. Anna. _Anna_. The thought of her dead sister brought her head crashing down onto the wooden tabletop, only to be received by her forearm. She could feel the tears trying to burst through again. She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” she mouthed into the wooden surface.

She felt Alia’s reassuringly soft touch on her left shoulder again. “Look, I can take you somewhere. There are some...people. Someone who may be able to help you more than I can."

_More than I can_. The words spurred a thought in Elsa’s mind. "You're leaving me?" Just when the snow queen was starting to feel a connection, a certain kind of kinship with this woman, she was now pawning her off to somebody else. Cast aside, passed over. Again.

"No, not at first."

“No!” Elsa reached across the table and grabbed Alia’s hands in hers. “Don’t go. I don’t want ‘ _somebody else’_. I don’t trust ‘ _somebody else’_. Don’t leave me.” She pleaded. “It’s like I just found someone I could talk to, and now you’re going to go?” Her hair whipped around as she shook her head forcefully. It was true. Despite her memories, despite whatever secrets the older woman might have been hiding from her, Elsa truly did feel a connection with Alia. It was a connection she was not sure the other woman felt, especially from the way she slowly unclasped her client’s hands and pushed them back across the table. Alia looked at her with sad eyes.

"Elsa. I’m not sure I can help you. All I know is that you killed your sister.” Loose strands of jet black hair danced in front of her eyes as she shook her head. “And I don't know what's in your mind." There was something in the way she said those words that gave Elsa reason to believe that Alia knew more than she was letting on. She remembered the look the older woman gave her when she had first confessed to her sister’s murder. It was not one of shock, surprise, or disbelief.

"You knew all along." It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact. Elsa forced herself to look into her lawyer’s eyes, searching those deep teal orbs for the secrets that lay within. Her companion sat still, without replying, for at least a full minute. It almost seemed to Elsa as if Alia were fidgeting in her seat, as much as that description could apply to the typically professionally composed woman. She cleared her throat, blinked a few times, fumbled with the paper notes that she had pulled out from her bag, and then finally looked at her client.

"It had to come from you. You had to remember on your own." Alia tapped her clipboard on the table, avoiding Elsa’s eyes.

The snow queen sighed through strands of her blonde hair that fell loosely across her face. Her arms ached. Tremors assaulted both of her feet, starting from the tips of her toes and then crawling up towards her knees. Her bare shoulders rose and fell with her breath. It was all so tiresome. Anna was dead. Kristoff probably hated her. Olaf was missing. There was nothing left for her.

"Am I still on trial? Just kill me now and be done with it." She said, with way less emotion than she expected. There was that familiar urge, a feeling she hadn’t felt in the longest time, to simply lay down and let fate run its course. She had spent so much of her teen years wishing, hoping, that it would all simply end. To give in to the darkness. That darkness beckoned to her now like a patient mistress.

"It’s not that easy, your majesty." Alia replied. Her using that honorific reminded Elsa that she was still Queen of Arendelle, somehow. And there were protocols to follow. Once again, her status dictated that her fate be not one of her own choosing. “There’s still hope.”

Elsa slammed her right hand down on the table as hard as she could, which was not very hard at all given her current weakened condition. Still, it was strong enough to elicit a minor jolt of surprise from her lawyer. "You have your confession,” the queen resigned herself to her fate. “I killed her. I killed her. There. Do with me as you will."

She had no desire to return to the kingdom that was her birthright. Arendelle would be better off in Kristoff's hands. Elsa looked out the window, into the blackness of the night sky. Outside, streaks of pale indigo were slowly growing from somewhere near the horizon. How long had she been locked up in this prison? The kingdom probably already was under Kristoff's care, at least for a few weeks now.

Perhaps that was why he hadn't visited her. Maybe he was busy running things with the help of Kai, Gerda, whoever else was left. The queen knew she was deluding herself. She knew perfectly well why the ice master hadn't so much as sent a message to her. His beloved strawberry princess was gone. Because of her. Even in the months that the snow queen and the ice master had been together, Elsa felt that Kristoff never stopped loving her sister. He must have been devastated. Betrayed, even.

No. No one was coming. No one cared. No one except this complete stranger who had now become the closest thing to a friend Elsa had ever had. Aside from her sister. Her dead sister. She shook the ugly thoughts out of her mind and looked up at her lawyer. "When can we meet your people?"

Alia’s eyes perked up when she heard Elsa’s words. "Whenever you feel ready.” It seemed like she was eager to finally take her ward out into the world. Perhaps a little too eager, the queen mused. “We can even go today if you want."

_Today_! Elsa gazed once more out the window. The skies had now shifted into a shade of purple. The single star that shone through the skylight was gone, having retreated across the veil of the heavens. Tomorrow had finally come. And yet the former snow queen of Arendelle shook her head. _What was the point?_ There was no helping her now.

She saw Alia’s shoulders visibly slump as her lawyer gathered her things. "Alright then,” the raven-haired woman said in a somber tone. Her notes were already tucked away within her clipboard which was safe within her bag. “I guess I'll...be back. Tomorrow. Maybe."

And yet, something in the queen caused her to call out to her savior. "Please don't go."

Alia set her bag down and looked directly into Elsa’s eyes. "Look, Elsa. I would work on your case for as long as I have to. I owe you at least that.” A sound from beyond the door, the sound of metal bars being unhooked, caught her attention. ”But we seem to be out of time." She picked up the rest of her belongings and prepared to head for the cell door.

“Wait!” Elsa lunged forward and caught the brown leather strap that looped around her companion’s shoulder and was connected to the bag that held her clipboard and her notes. "What do you believe?" She pulled her lawyer back to look her straight in the eyes.

The other woman put her bag down and stood straight facing her client. It was times like these that reminded Elsa that despite how similar they looked aside from their hair, Alia was taller than her. The older woman’s chin lined up perfectly with the queen’s eyes, and Alia tilted her head downwards to meet her pursuer’s gaze. "Whether or not you think I'm sincere, I really care about you, Elsa." Alia placed her hands on the shorter woman’s shoulders. "You've become like a sister to me." She gave them a good squeeze. Firm, but not tight. "I am not giving up on you." It did not reassure Elsa.

"Will you be there? At my trial, I mean?" She didn’t even know when it was happening. Or where. Would it be in the castle where she had spent most of her life in? Who would be presiding? With Anna… _gone_ , and the queen herself on trial, who was left to preside over the kingdom’s legal matters? It couldn’t be Kristoff, and yet he was the only one left. It shouldn’t be Kristoff. Elsa wondered if his love for her would override what he had felt towards Anna.

"Of course.” Alia reassured words meant little to her. Apparently, the other woman shared a similar sentiment, though she didn’t seem too keen on letting her client know. “I'm not sure it'll matter. But of course I'll be there."

Elsa nodded silently and slunk back into the confines of her cell as her lawyer picked up her belongings once more. The queen found herself slowly wandering to the far window where the first few rays of sunlight were bathing the snow-covered ground outside in an unearthly glow. Behind her, the door to her cell slowly clicked shut and footsteps quietly disappeared into nothingness, leaving her alone to ponder her fate.

There, sitting on the ground beyond her reach, something tickled her eyes with reflected light as the morning sun hit the tiny object with its waking radiance. Elsa felt the skin on her arms tighten as she focused her gaze on the tiny, frozen insect standing on an ice-covered rock. A tremor grew from the base of her neck sending shivers throughout her body. _Not again_. The _crystyfy_ stood there, basking in the sunlight, facing the former snow queen of Arendelle. It was as if the tiny little creature was trying to tell her something. Something that lay shrouded in the mist of her addled mind.

Elsa grasped the ice-covered bars separating her from the world and pulled to no avail. The iron was set deep into the stone, and she knew they wouldn’t budge. But putting her meager weight against them helped somehow. It made the queen feel like there was something to be done. Outside, there was nobody in sight beyond those bars, no sign of whoever or whatever had left the frozen insect there. _Someone knew_. Someone out there knew about the _crystyfy_. Anna had told someone. Kristoff, perhaps? But it wasn’t in the iceman’s personality to toy with other people like that. At least, not the Kristoff she had known. Besides, the thing was like a perfect replica lifted straight from her memories. It was not something any person could just construct. Not anyone without ice powers.

With that realization, Elsa began banging on the window bars in earnest. "Alia!" She called out the name of the one person who could get her out of this cursed cell. “Alia!” The snow queen shouted for her lawyer. “Alia! Alia!”

* * *

She couldn't remember the last time she had been to her ice palace. The magnificent structure that she had built years ago still stood tall and proud after all this time. Built in a single night during The Great Freeze, it sat nestled against the side of the North Mountain, the highest point in Arendelle. Its icy spires reaching to the heavens like she did once upon a summer night.

The former snow queen was too busy thinking of times long past as Alia guided her up the very icy staircase that she had conjured in another life. As the icy doors slowly swung open, memories of the past rushed through the snow queen's mind. Memories of that time Anna and Kristoff, who she hadn't yet met at the time, stood at the bottom of the staircase that she now ascended. Evidence of some long-forgotten fight still littered that large chamber. Crystalline stalagmites rose from the floor where she had once willed her anger against Weseltonian bodyguards out for blood. The chandelier that had almost fallen on her when that scoundrel Hans redirected a crossbow bolt meant for her heart still lay in pieces around the central chamber that was once her private domain. And yet they kept going further, higher, and deeper into the icy castle that still seemed to house a part of her soul.

"Why did you take me here?" She finally grew the will to ask her companion. As far as she knew, the ice palace was mostly abandoned. Only the giant snow creature Marshmallow inhabited its lonely halls, down in the bowels of the castle. Down where she had thrown her crown away a lifetime ago. She had heard that the smaller ice-construct snowgies had also moved in with the castle’s lone guardian, but never really bothered to confirm. As far as the snow queen felt, the past was where it belonged – in the past.

"I told you, I know someone who might be able to help you.” Alia replied. She seemed so certain of her words, once again belying the mysteries that Elsa was sure simmered beneath the cool and icy surface the older woman projected. “Help us," she corrected herself.

“And they’re here?” Elsa questioned, looking at the intricate details on the pillars holding up the ceiling above them. “In my castle?”

“Yes,” Alia walked to the large doors that led out to the balcony. It was the balcony from which the former snow queen had once bared her true self to the world, before retreating once more into the familiar comfort of her royal life.

To Elsa’s surprise, the double doors that would have led to the balcony opened instead into another hall. It seemed like whoever had moved into her castle had done some remodeling of their own. What surprised Elsa more, however, was what lay beyond those doors.

The small hall was bustling with trolls. The magical beings that had once occupied the Valley of the Living Rock had apparently moved into her former ice palace. Dozens of them shuffled around, borne on tiny stumplike legs or rolling around in that peculiar manner that she used to laugh at with Anna, much to Kristoff’s displeasure. This was where they were. No wonder they weren't in the valley the last time she had visited with Kristoff and Anna.

Interestingly enough, the trolls appeared to be so busy that nobody paid them much heed except for one that rolled up to the doorway and greeted them. Much like the other trolls, she had grey rocky skin and long, moss-covered ‘ _hair’_. This one’s ‘ _hair’_ was red, a peculiar color since most of the other trolls’ weregreen. "Greetings! I’m Libby!” The troll introduced herself. “We've been expecting you," the diminutive creature bowed to the two women.

They were led past several hallways and up another icy staircase. It seemed to Elsa that the further they went, the higher they were, much higher than she remembered the ice castle to be. It made so much sense that it was the trolls who now inhabited her former abode, since only they had the power to reshape it with their magic. Or at least, one of them had magic powerful enough.

It turned out that this very person was the one Alia was talking about, the one who could help the former snow queen with her problems and provide some answers. They were led through a pair of large wooden doors that were flanked by two actual Arendellian guards. Neither of them acknowledged the queen, only her companion. But Elsa could swear that the one on the left gave her a dagger-like look as she passed through the doorway into a rather peculiar room.

"Grand Pabbie, thank you for meeting with us." Alia half-bowed, half-genuflected towards the ancient leader of the trolls of Arendelle. They were ushered into a room quite different from the rest of the castle. Whereas every structure in the monolith was made from magical ice, the room where Elsa and Alia now found themselves in was quaint, almost mundane in a way. The soft, brownish hues of chestnut wood lined the walls of the circular chamber. In the center was a large stone table, around which were several wooden chairs, two of which Elsa and Alia took for themselves. The ancient troll appeared through a doorway that opened somewhere to their left, shuffled towards the other side of the table, and took his place in front of the large, stone seat that matched the great table.

"Alia." Elsa was surprised to see Grand Pabbie returned the bow.

"Queen Elsa." He turned to her.

Grand Pabbie. The leader of the trolls of Arendelle. Magical creatures from the Valley of the Living Rock. Surely if anyone could help her with her powers, it could be the wise old troll. As if he had just read her mind, the ancient troll wasted no time going straight to the point. “What can I help you with this time, your majesty?” _This time_. He was the one responsible for saving Anna all those years ago, when she had accidentally struck her with her magic the first time. He was also responsible for wiping Anna's memories of her magic in a well-intentioned but mistaken way to prevent it from ever happening again. Surely if there was anything anyone could do to help, it would be him.

"My powers. They aren't working." Elsa blurted out.

“Elsa,” the wise old troll began. “As I once told your father, people like you are very special. You come by once every few generations. You are either born with your powers, or cursed.” _Cursed_. Elsa sighed. Despite being born with her ice powers, there really wasn’t a better term to describe them than that. To think that Kristoff once referred to them as a ‘ _gift’_. Pabbie continued. “Alia has already informed me of your condition, and I’m very sorry to say, I know of no way to help you at all.”

The queen nodded silently. It was all for nothing. They had come all this way simply to learn what she already knew – that this wasn’t anything that could be fixed in any normal sense of the word.

“All I can offer you right now, and even that would probably be subject to interpretation, is a glimpse of the future.” Pabbie held his hands up and shot his magic into the air. Images formed out of magical smoke danced in the air above the trio, much like that one night all those years ago when they went to the valley of the trolls with their parents. Like back then, Pabbie’s magic showed images of things past and things yet to come. Elsa still remembered that night when the ancient troll had to wipe Anna’s memories of her magic to protect her sister from her.

A sudden thought entered the snow queen's mind. "Can you make it go away?" She asked, trying hard not to think of Anna’s last moments, dead on her own bed, slain by the very sister she loved. "Can you change my memories the way you did to my sister?” She shook her head as an image of Anna’s lifeless body, her face covered by that pillow, tried to overwhelm her mind. “Can you make them…disappear?"

"Elsa!" Alia interrupted, almost rising in her chair. Her lawyer had a wide-eyed, incredulous look on her face. "This is not what we came here for!"

The two women looked at Pabbie, waiting for a response. Elsa, eager to know if he could somehow alleviate the source of her pain. Alia, disapprovingly shook her head. Grand Pabbie looked long and hard at the queen. She wasn’t quite sure if he was simply staring at her, or into her. If the ancient creature had some sort of second sight that he was using to see the unseen, to tease out whatever secrets hid within her that even she was not aware of.

"No.” He replied. “Altering memory is not something that should be taken lightly. It is not a task easily accomplished.” He said. It almost sounded like a warning. “Nor should it be." He continued. "The magic that deals with the human mind is very dangerous. Possibly even more dangerous than that which deals with the heart.” The look he gave the queen as he said that went straight to her like a needle to the soul. After a long pause, Pabbie placed his stony hands on the equally stone table surface. “No, I cannot simply remove a person's memory. Remember, when I removed your magic from your sister's memories, I merely replaced it with more mundane equivalents. An ice sled into a real sled. Powdered snow into blades of grass."

_Like replacing a person's face with that of another_. Elsa thought as she looked at Alia, the woman who was in a way, her spitting image add a few years. The woman whose face she thought she saw that night.

Grand Pabbie continued. "But the human mind is a powerful thing. The heart more so. Not even magic can fully overcome the power of the heart. As you know yourself." As if he could feel her growing doubts about the woman that was sitting right beside her, Pabbie offered his hand as he stood from his seat. “Come, Elsa. Walk with an old man.”

Alia began to stand but Pabbie spoke up. "Alone," he said without looking at her.

The queen nodded to her lawyer, who sat back down.

Pabbie guided Elsa to the far end of the room, far enough for them to be able to talk without being overheard by her lawyer. To the queen’s relief, Alia seemed all content where she was, having pulled out some notes from her bag that she was now pouring over quite intently.

“Elsa,” Pabbie stopped in front of what appeared to be an alcove with several objects on display. “What do you remember of that night?”

“Did…Alia tell you anything more?” She asked in a low, near-whisper. The look on Grand Pabbie’s face led her to continue her line of questioning. “That night,” she tried hard to keep her composure as she narrated to Pabbie. “I saw her. Her face.” The queen found it hard not to look at her lawyer, to let her know anything was amiss. "I...killed my sister. But I didn't. It was her."

Pabbie rested a hand on the display behind him. He sent a look over towards Alia but the other woman appeared distracted by whatever she was reading in her notes. “Elsa, you have to understand. The human mind is a very peculiar thing. In times of great stress, it can deal with trauma in so many ways. The power of denial is a strong feeling. It is only bested by the power of the imagination.” The old troll cast another one of his portent spells, sending magical images into the air above them. A sled became a cart. A wolf became a deer. A cloudy short-haired figure’s hair morphed into twin braids. “Some people, when they encounter trauma, great trauma - the mind can paper over that as if it never existed. From there, your imagination can go and make the world as you want it to be

Elsa couldn’t quite grasp the meaning of his words. Surely there was something he could do to help the process. Change it so that she doesn’t kill Anna. The queen wasn’t sure if she could live with the memory of killing another person, but it surely would be an improvement over killing her own sister. Grand Pabbie was powerful. Surely he could make what she did to her sister go away. The same way he made her magic go away in Anna's memory. The magic in Anna's memory. _Anna's altered memories_.

A light of realization slowly dawned in Elsa's eyes as she raised her gaze at the dissipating smoke from the old troll's conjurations. It formed the shape of a snowman. Three irregularly shaped snowballs, twigs for arms, and a carrot for a nose. _Remember_.

"Have I been here before?” The queen stepped back and asked out loud. Loud enough to call the attention of her lawyer, who looked up from what she was reading. “Did I make some sort of deal?"

"Elsa, of course you have. Remember as a child-"

"No! Recently!" She corrected, her mind slowly piecing together pieces of the puzzle that she didn’t even know she had to solve. "Have I been here before?” Elsa’s braid slipped behind her as she looked around the room. None of it seemed familiar at all. But that didn’t matter when it came to the power of magic. Alia’s presence beside her gave her the strength to further press the old troll. She looked at Grand Pabbie. “Did I ask you to alter my memories?”

She thought of Anna’s lifeless body on that bed. What if it weren’t Anna? What if it were somebody else instead? A myriad scenarios raced through the former snow queen’s mind with the speed of a tidal wave. If her memories had been altered, than it was entirely possible that her sister was still alive, out here. Somewhere. _Hope_.

The ancient troll held up both hands towards the queen. “No. That is not something I have done, nor is it within my power or right to do.”

The queen felt her spirits crash. It was the one last chance she was hoping for, a glimmer of hope in the sea of despair that she had found herself in for the past few weeks. A desperate cry for help that was going to be left unanswered.

“What else do you remember of that night?” He asked again.

Elsa leaned back and thought hard. Perhaps even without magical intervention, she hadn’t been remembering things correctly. She tried hard to return to the chaos of that night, but a wave of conflicting feelings prevented her from remembering. Passion. Love. Anger. "Honestly, I can barely remember,” she confessed. There was too much haze. “It's all like a dream."

“A dream,” Pabbie mused. It was almost as if Elsa heard a chuckle from the ancient troll, which was odd since the only interactions they have ever had were times of dire emergency. "Tell me about your dreams, child."

The question surprised Elsa. She wasn’t quite sure if the old troll was asking her to recall her memories whenever she was away from the land of the waking. He could might as well have asked her for her hopes, her aspirations, her ambitions, if she could even sit still and think about what those might be. Somehow, she had the feeling that he was asking both. Not that there really was a difference for her.

"I dream of nothing these days,” she said. Beside her, Alia had pulled up one of the wooden stools lying around the outskirts of the room and was intently watching the conversation. So engrossed was the older woman that she hadn’t even bothered to take her clipboard out to take notes. There was genuine interest on her face. Elsa shrugged. “I'm sure I do. I just can't remember.” She looked at the lingering smoke cloud from Pabbie’s magic. “Besides, these days, everything feels like I’m already living one."

“I can’t remember the last time I dreamt anything,” her lawyer added. Pabbie merely looked at the snow queen, urging her to continue.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t try to remember whenever she woke up. But recently, it all seemed like disjointed images of a life that may or may not have even been her own. And before her incarceration, it was straight to the responsibilities of her royal life the moment she woke up. There was little time for introspection or memory recall. Elsa shrugged. "I'm not sure I need them. I have no time for dreams.” Her distracted gaze drifted behind Pabbie to the mirror in the back of the display alcove he was standing in front of. Her reflection stared back at her, showing her just how disheveled and unkempt she had become. It was a far cry from the poised and proper queen she once had been. “I _had_ no time for dreams.” She corrected herself. “I was too busy with the responsibilities of life."

Pabbie leaned back and it seemed for the first time in a long while, smiled. "Ah, but what is any life but the pursuit of a dream?" His words were accompanied by magical images he conjured from his palms. People of smoke danced around and above them, walking about like the citizens of Arendelle. “Most people live their own lives without any real adventure to call their own.” Some of the figures changed shape, growing hats and cloaks. Hoes and shovels became spears and swords. A reindeer became a dragon. “It is your dreams that give you adventure.”

The old troll took a few steps towards Elsa and Alia, his conjurations following suit above him. "The dream of peace in your kingdom. Making your parents proud. Achievement.” He looked straight into the former snow queen’s eyes and the expression on his face took on an unfamiliar shade. “The dream of hearing someone say these words. When they really, truly mean them.” An image of Kristoff flashed across her eyes. “ _'I love you, Elsa'_." The vision mouthed the same words that came from the old troll.

“Life is essentially but a dream.” Alia interrupted. Both snow queen and ancient troll gave her a simple, wordless look before continuing their conversation.

Elsa nodded at Alia, and then turned to Pabbie. “But what if the dream became a nightmare?”

"Then you look to your anchors,” the old troll replied. “To help you find your footing again. Symbols, signals that remind you of the important things in life. Landmarks to help you find your way."

Elsa's attention wandered around the wood paneled room. There, on the display alcove behind where Pabbie was, sat several crystal figurines on display. Scattered on top of the countertop were statuettes of people in various poses. They were all arranged around a large, glass figure almost as big as her fist. A figure of an insect, standing on six bent legs, its wings reaching out to its sides like outstretched arms.

The hair on the back of her neck stood on end, sending shivers to the rest of her body as she realized what she had been casually ignoring the whole time they were near that display. It was as if something - or someone – had pulled the image straight out of her childhood memories and given it life.

However, something was off about the figurine. There, beside and surrounding where the pencil-like legs met the soft chestnut surface were miniscule puddles of water. Elsa unconsciously held her breath as she squinted at the tiny reflective surfaces, like tiny mirrors that the insect was stepping on. They were growing. A single water droplet slowly coalesced down one of the legs as it travelled downwards, merging with the growing puddles. And then, something else caught the snow queen’s attention. The _crystyfy_ 's wing moved.

Above them, the remnants of Grand Pabbie’s magic coagulated into a familiar shape, that of a snowman that Elsa had created out of pure love for her sister, a certain someone that she hadn’t seen in a long time. Strangely, the smoky snowman felt like it was looking down at her. It might have been a nonexistent draft in the room, but its mouth slowly shifted from an eerie smile as if mouthing words that only the queen could hear. _‘Find me’_

Elsa ran.

The snow queen bolted from her seat and rushed for the door. The Arendellian guard that was lazily standing outside beside it was caught by surprise, slammed against the wall. The other guard looked on, dumbfounded as the queen rushed past him and quickly disappeared behind an icy corner. Elsa didn’t look back.

Behind her, she could hear her lawyer shouting her name, calling for her to come back. Alia’s cries were lost in the maze of corridors she left behind as the queen raced towards the central staircase that led out of the castle. Thankfully, it was not that much trouble retracing her steps despite never having been in this part of the fortress before today. She ran through unfamiliar doorways, past icy walls that she had no hand in building. Finally, she reached the staircase that led down, down into that part of the crystalline palace that had once been her most private of sanctuaries.

It took until the last step before the queen realized that since she fled the room where Alia and Grand Pabbie were presumably still in, she hadn’t seen a single troll. Gone were the _‘love experts’_ as Kristoff used to call them, rolling along the corridors, shuffling around and doing whatever their business was. Not a trace. It was as if they had never been there in the first place.

At the bottom of the main staircase, Elsa paused to catch her breath. It didn’t matter. Her heart was pounding on her breasts from within. Pinpricks of pain danced within her chest as she tried to draw a deep breath. Above her, the echoes of distant voices grew louder. She had to keep going. The snow queen forced her burning legs forward in flight. She ran past and through the shattered pieces of a chandelier that could have put an end to all this long ago. Past half-melted ice walls and spikes jutting out from the floor, pieces of torn cloth still stuck to their razor-sharp points. She ran down the spiral stairs as fast as she could, as fast as her feet could take her away from the sour reality she knew she had to escape.

Elsa finally burst through the icy double doors that once kept her isolated, safe from the rest of the cruel world. The sun shone down brightly on the translucent staircase that led down to the base of the mountain. Sunlight passed through and refracted against her ice palace, bathing the surrounding snowy peak in tiny rainbows and multi-hued streaks of light. The welcoming caress of its warm rays offered little respite from the bitter cold that she felt swirling inside of her.

The snow queen looked past the snowy drifts of the North Mountain, past and over the snow-covered forest peaks and in the direction of the fjord where she had lived her entire life. There was only one direction she could go.

Home.

Down the icy staircase she went. Down the treacherous snowdrifts of the tallest peak in the kingdom. Down into the woods of the Arendellian north, where wolves prowled waiting for unsuspecting travelers. None of that mattered.

Elsa ran. She ran like the north wind, blowing downwards from the Arctic as a herald of an inevitable winter. Her legs carried her aloft like a mountain breeze, much like that night when she left the castle and the kingdom in her sister’s hands so many summers ago. Like that time she fled Anna and left her heart with Kristoff at _Minner_. It felt like a lifetime ago. In a way, it was.

The forest eventually gave way to the outskirts of the town, and the Snow Queen of Arendelle found herself traversing dirt roads which then turned into the grey cobblestone streets of Arendelle, all of which led back to the castle which she called her home.

Elsa stopped to catch her breath, in the town square, just across the bridge that led to their ancestral home. Up ahead, the castle beckoned with its purple and green livery, waiting for its prodigal daughter to come home. It took her a few minutes to realize that something was wrong.

There was nary a soul in sight. Doors stayed closed, right below where half-open windows swung loosely in the light breeze. There was nothing but the sound of her breath and the throbbing of her pulse ringing in her ears. The hustle and bustle of the normally lively town center was gone. There were no merchants pushing their carts, no children playing in the street, no couples walking together hand-in-hand. Arendelle was a ghost town.

Crossing the bridge to the castle took forever. At the end of the bridge, the large wooden gates that led into the courtyard were wide open. As open as when she had ordered them opened for her coronation all those years ago. Except now, nobody was there to greet her. The guard tower that sat above the enormous double doors appeared to be unmanned. In fact, there were no castle guards in sight at all. Within, there was no carrot-eating reindeer in his shed by the wall. No ice master waving at her while working on his sleigh. No sister waiting with open arms standing in the doorway.

In fact, the door that led into the castle was closed shut. Elsa shouted as she slammed her fists against the massive wooden doors, to no avail. They appeared to be locked, from the inside. The queen stepped back into the middle of the courtyard and looked up at the castle windows. They were all closed shut, and covered with a thick layer of dust and grime. It was as if they hadn't been opened in years. Around her, the fountains that she had so often frozen to serve as decoration, were all dry as a bone. She looked at the one that she accidentally froze in front of the people during that night all those years ago. It stood waterless, with a coat of dust on its glazed surface, implying that there hadn’t been water in it for quite some time.

The queen spun around to the gates and looked back at the rest of Arendelle. Empty Arendelle. There wasn't a single human being in sight.

And then, the oddest sound began echoing against the stone walls that seemed like they were closing in on her. It was like the cackle of a bird - a crow or a shrike - calling out to the world waiting for a reply that would never come. It took the Snow Queen of Arendelle a few seconds to realize that the sound had been coming from her own throat all along. Elsa was laughing.

It was the laughter of a woman standing on the precipice of reality. Once again, her she stood, alone against the world. Alone in the middle of the only world she had ever known. Left alone. Left behind. The sky above her began spinning as she opened herself to the only emotion that seemed to make sense given the situation. Her laughter rose upwards into the heavens to dance among the steel grey clouds floating amidst the azure sky.

The queen fell to her knees as her laughter turned into sobs. Elsa looked down at her open palms, remembering all the times across the years that she cursed her powers and wished they had never manifested. Elsa thought of Alia, the big sister she never had – the big sister she was trying hard to be for Anna. Elsa's thoughts wandered to the object of her heart, her sister’s boyfriend Kristoff. If only things had been different. If he had only rejected her at the bar, if he had never come back for her, none of this would ever have happened.

Like a snowflake growing, all the pieces of the puzzle slowly began falling into place in her fractured mind. Why her powers had suddenly stopped working. Why Olaf had disappeared, and only seemed to exist as a memory for her and her alone. Why Anna had been fine with everything that had been happening around her. Why Kristoff chose her.

It was finally starting to make so much sense now.

Elsa started screaming for the one person she knew might be able to help.

"Olaf! Olaaaf!"

"OLAAAAAAAAF!"


	11. Eternal Heaven (Njosnavelin)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes together as Elsa escapes captivity and runs towards the truth. Will she come to terms with what she did to her sister? Will she finally be reunited with her beloved ice master? Will the truth get in the way of her dreams, or will she finally find that happy ending she has longed for all her life?
> 
> Tune in for the penultimate and final chapter of Frozen: V.Ice.

"OLAF!!! OLAAAF!!!"

Elsa's cries echoed against the cold stone walls that surrounded the courtyard of Castle Arendelle. She shouted out the name of the one person she knew held the answers to the riddles of her life. Her bellowing voice drowned out all other sounds as if she were the last person on Earth. It was as if a dozen other snow queens were calling out from the void, waiting for a response that may never come.

It came. From behind the snow queen came the creaking of a door swinging open. Elsa paused. It took her a full minute to register the sound and another one to fully process what it meant. A part of her did not want to look back, fearful of what - or who - she might have seen. Eventually, desperation won over apprehension and she turned to face the open doors of Castle Arendelle. There was no one there.

Confused, the queen looked around at the windows that surrounded her. Nothing. Still not a single sign of life. Only the wide open double doors of her ancestral abode, beckoning to her as if to finally welcome its lost daughter home.

How long had it been since she was last here? Weeks? Months? The days and nights bled into each other so well and her memories were still somewhat of a jumbled mess. It couldn't have been that long since she first woke up in her cell. It couldn't have been that long since she had first met Alia. It couldn't have been that long since she had slain her sister.

Elsa looked down at her palms, shaking her head free of the images of that fateful night. They were still as fresh as if everything had just happened the night before. The void called out to her, to lie down and give up all hope. And yet the tired snow queen found just a fragment of inner strength to push on. There were answers waiting for her. She could not let her emotions stop her now. She would not.

The Snow Queen of Arendelle forced herself to her feet and entered the castle of her birth. Almost immediately, Elsa felt that something was wrong. The long corridor that led to the castle's great hall was bare, barren, as if somebody had taken all the tables and chairs, all the furniture and livery. Whatever had happened had happened a long time ago. Much like the windows outside, the wooden, carpetless floor was covered by a thick layer of dust. Every single one of her careful footsteps spawned a tiny cloud of dirt that shone in the sunlight passing through curtainless windows. The castle appeared pretty much abandoned.

"Hello?" Elsa called out, her voice reverberating against bare wooden walls. Far ahead, the door to the great hall opened and the shadow of a figure stood in the doorway, waiting for her. "Who's there?" The queen asked, and received nothing in return. Whoever it was, the person simply waited for the queen to approach.

It turned out that it wasn't the family snowman that was waiting for her at the end of the corridor that led to the great hall of Castle Arendelle. The very same hall where two lifetimes ago, she had created a winter wonderland so many times as a child. The very same hall where one fateful night, a stray bolt of ice magic accidentally hit her sister and started them on this very path.

It wasn't Olaf that she found standing in front of the double doors that led into the hall. Instead, it was the woman who claimed to be her lawyer, her doppelganger, Alia. The woman who she had left behind in her ice palace miles ago.

"You!" Elsa pointed an accusing finger at the raven-haired woman that had claimed to be her barrister. There was something different in the way the older woman looked at her. It was a much softer look that what she was used to. As if Alia had been waiting for her for a while. "What is this? No more lies, I want answers!"

"Come with me, Elsa."

For some strange reason, the queen acquiesced. She looked into the other woman’s deep teal eyes, waiting for some earth-shaking revelation to surface. Alia’s brows dipped as the corners of her eyes narrowed. A slight, sad smile formed on her mouth as the edges of her lips reached for her cheeks. Without another word, she cocked her head to the side, urging Elsa inwards. The snow queen nodded in equal silence. It seemed like Alia had answers she sought.

Alia led Elsa past the castle's empty halls, empty save for a thick coating of dust that seemed to coat every available exposed surface. Not that there were that many surfaces left. Not anymore. Gone were the brightly-colored livery and tapestries that Anna had been putting up the past few years. All the furniture and decorations, including the carpets covering the wooden floors and the numerous paintings that adorned the walls were missing as well. The rest of the castle was as empty as Elsa had ever seen it. There was not a living soul in sight. Gone were the muffled steps of servants on carpeted floors, the silenced and shushed tones of handmaidens used to years of keeping as quiet as possible so as not to disturb the princess she used to be. What really struck her was the dust. It appeared like nobody had lived here in years.

Finally, they stopped at a set of wooden double doors at the end of a long, dark corridor. A set of wooden doors that the queen had no memory of. Much like her ice palace, some remodeling had occurred as well in the castle. She wondered how much time truly had passed since she had left.

"Here, everything will make more sense when we get there."

The doors opened to reveal a small circular chamber, like the body of a tower or an oubliette, with a single spiral staircase leading upwards. What surprised the snow queen was that the staircase, and in fact the walls surrounding it, were made of solid ice.

"Hi Elsa." A flight above, on one of the icy steps, stood Olaf the Snowman.

Before she could acknowledge the tiny snow construct, her companion stepped past the doors and onto the first icy step. To her surprise, Alia looked straight at where Olaf was standing and nodded in acknowledgement. "Lead the way, Olaf."

"You can see him?!" Elsa exclaimed, looking at her lawyer incredulously.

"Why yes, of course I can,” Alia waved up at the sentient snow construct and sent him an earnest smile. “He's the family snowman."

"Hi Alia," Olaf waved back with one twiglike hand.

"And of course he knows your name," Elsa shook her head as she steadied herself with one hand against an icy wall.

"We've met before. A couple of times." Alia smiled, walked up to the diminutive snowman, placed her right palm flat on top of his conical head and ruffled the wooden twigs that were essentially his hair.

"Eight times, I think." Olaf mused in that wonderfully familiar clueless manner that the queen had so gotten used to over the years. "Wait! Seven? I don’t know. Definitely less. Definitely the eighth you though," he gestured towards the powerless snow queen.

Elsa shrugged in puzzlement at what the snowman had just said. Perhaps he was still indeed a figment of her imagination and she was simply imagining Alia responding to him. Perhaps her lawyer was a figment of her imagination as well. Her hands went up to her cheeks, then up to her temples, then up into her mane, her fingers digging into the mess that was the unbraided part of her platinum blonde hair.

They stood there for a while, the two others waiting for her to make a decision she had not been asked for. Looking around, everything felt like it was shrouded in mist, in a mental haze. There was a strange, surreal atmosphere ever since they had entered the tower. Elsa finally worked up the courage to ask the question that had been swirling in her mind since this everything started falling apart.

"Am I dead?" Elsa looked into her counterpart's piercing eyes. "Is this the great beyond?” She looked down at her palms again, one of them wet with melted ice. “Heaven?" Above them, the staircase went on and on and on, with no ceiling in sight. Elsa couldn’t tell how high the tower was. It simply felt like a stairway into the unknown. She paused for a moment, having just realized something dreadful. "Or...hell?"

Alia walked up to the queen and placed an icy hand on her bare shoulder. "No, Elsa. You are not dead." Her confidante's touch was heavier than she was used to, as if the older woman wanted to reassure Elsa that she was in fact, a living and breathing person.

Elsa turned to Olaf, who was now standing beside her raven-haired doppelganger. "I don't understand." She tried to look through the icy walls, to see some semblance of the world outside. But nothing was clear. "Am I dreaming? Is this a dream then?" Elsa paused and rapped her knuckles against cold, hard ice. "A nightmare?"

Whatever passed for the snowman's lips pursed into a smile. Alia sighed. "No. Not a dream.” She started up the stairs and then paused, waiting for her ward to follow. “Not exactly."

"This," Alia waved her hand across a part of the tower wall that was thinner than the rest. Thin enough that Elsa could see the snow-covered mounds of Arendelle through the slightly-transparent window that she approached. Alia continued. "...is more like a simulation."

"A simulation?" The queen asked, confused. She had heard that word before, when Kristoff was telling her of a book he had just read.

"Yes, a world within your mind." Alia tapped her temple with her index finger. "In here."

"In my mind." Pabbie's words echoed in her ears. _'The world as you wish it to be.'_ "So, imagination?" Elsa looked out through the pane of crystal clear ice down towards the rooftops of the town below. Could it be? The queen squinted at the multicolored wooden roofs that stood side-by-side, creating a patchwork of shapes that meandered around the cobblestone roads leading outwards from the castle. It was real, as real as the cold wetness she felt on the tips of her fingers as she pressed her hand against the icy wall. "This isn't real?"

Olaf paused on a higher step, waited for his maker to reach him, then continued walking up the spiral ice staircase they were ascending. "It's all as real as you want it to be, Elsa." His soothing voice made his statement no less cryptic.

"What do you mean?" She pressed her forehead against the cold ice wall. She could feel its balmy chill trying to seep through into her skin, though it bothered her as much as frigid temperatures always had in the past - not at all. It felt real enough for her.

"What Olaf means to say is, this is all in your mind. As of this moment, we are in your mindscape." Alia was resting just a few steps above the queen and the snowman. She held her hand out towards the queen. Elsa took it and turned it over a few times, looking to see if it was indeed real.

"I-I don't understand." Elsa looked down at her own hands. She pinched her arm and winced at the pain. That felt real. "This is real."

"Think of it as a dream. A long dream, while the true you remains sleeping out there," Alia pointed upwards towards the sky. "Out there in the real world.

“The true me?” Elsa's gaze followed her companion's pointing finger, towards the static sky barely visible through the translucent ice. It was as it had been since Elsa could remember, swathed in hues of pink and orange, as if straight out of a painting. It was a beautiful day. As beautiful as the past days had been. A perfect day. Too perfect. "The real world," she whispered.

"Oh my god." Weakness struck her body as her legs gave way beneath her. Only the icy railing of the spiral staircase kept her from sliding down into the abyss below. They had been climbing for a while now and she had no idea how far down there was to go. Something had been feeling rather off. It was that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that had now surfaced and was making her question her very reality. "Where...how?"

"You're safe out there. Your body. Somewhere safe and secret, sleeping soundly and dreaming this dream." Olaf casually said as he helped his creator to her feet before pushing her up the stairs once more. "This dream. These dreams. All of them." He corrected himself.

"Wait, dreams?" The queen looked strangely at Alia as something finally clicked in her mind. Her attention turned to the snowman. "When you said I was the eighth, you didn't mean the eighth snow queen, did you?"

"No, not exactly." Olaf shook his head and looked at the queen with a sad, resigned look on his face. "You are the eighth...you." The snowman framed his creator with his twiglike fingers. "The eighth...Elsa."

The rightful queen of Arendelle had to take a few uneasy steps backwards and downwards as her suspicions were confirmed. She wrapped her arms around herself as she felt the world start to spin. "What happened to them all? Are they all dead?" She asked. The way Olaf nodded just made her heart sink.

"I wouldn't say that. _'Dead_ ' sounds so...final," the diminutive snowman commented with that innocent wit that the queen had come to love over the years.

"Not dead," Alia corrected. "Refreshed. Reset. Once one dream is over, another one starts anew. The transition is seamless.” A tiny hint of a smile crossed her lawyer’s lips. “Ironically as if you had just opened your eyes and woken up from a very long dream."

A sudden realization set a glimmer of hope ablaze in Elsa's heart. "Wait! If this is a dream...then I didn't kill Anna?" She looked at Olaf intently, a hint of optimism in her voice.

"No," Olaf answered. "You didn't kill Anna." The sigh to end all sighs escaped the snow queen’s lips as she leant against the tower walls. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She almost felt a sense of elation, premature though it may be. She could never live with the reality that she had killed either one of the two people she loved in the world. She would rather die. That thought crystallized in her mind, which led to another question. "Do I die? Can I die?" Elsa looked upwards. Somewhere above, she could finally see the hints of a chandelier hanging from a ceiling. They were finally nearing their destination.

"Not in here. In here, you'll grow old, you die. And then you wake up and you're you again. _Ad infinitum._ " Alia answered. "As I've said, the transition is seamless. Or should be. Something went amiss with this iteration. You're not supposed to notice anything wrong."

"What went wrong this time?" Elsa held her arms out and upwards. There, around a dozen more loops around the staircase above was an exact copy of the chandelier she had created in her ice palace. Sunlight passing through the icy walls hit the crystals that hung in neat, geometric patterns above them, sending radiant beams of multicolored light out and bathing the walls with a rainbow hue. It was all so familiar. No. As she got closer to the top, she realized it _was_ the very same structure.

"The subconscious is a powerful thing, Elsa. Aspects of it, may it be guilt, jealousy, ego - they can all affect this mindscape in many ways." Alia answered. "That, and your magic is fading."

Olaf touched the small of her back with his wooden arm. "I'm fading, Elsa. Out there, in the real world. Your magic is fading."

"You've been outside all this time?" The queen exclaimed, a flicker of hope in her voice. "You can get Anna and Kristoff! Tell them to wake me up! Tell them-"

She was cut short by Olaf holding what amounted to his palm in front of her face. The snowman was shaking his head, a look of immense sadness on his face. "It's not that easy. Anna and Kristoff.” The snowman choked on his own words. “...they're gone, Elsa."

 _No._ No no no! Elsa’s heart sank and she collapsed into Alia's arms. _Gone_. That can't be! "Was it me? Was it my fault? Did I kill Anna after all? Did I kill Kristoff?" She wailed, her fists hitting the older woman ineffectually.

"No, no, nothing like that." Olaf tried to reassure her but she batted his twiglike arm away.

"Then what?" A hundred different scenarios, a hundred different images of her sister and her ice master flashed through her mind. Images of Anna, frozen on the fjord just like that day, so many years ago. Images of Kristoff, skewered against a wall with spikes of ice. Images of Arendelle through a heavy blizzard. Images of Arendelle washed away if she hadn’t stopped that wave of water that one time. Did she freeze the kingdom again? Did something happen with the spirits of the North?

Olaf hesitated and looked at Alia, as if waiting for approval. Her dark haired counterpart nodded at the snowman, who sighed and turned to face the distraught queen.

"Time, Elsa. Time took them."

 _Time_.

"What? I don't understand...no." Elsa's eyes widened and then shut tight. Tears knocked on the inside of her eyelids but she refused to let them out. She was the eighth. She was the eighth Elsa. Time. "How long?" She asked with a whisper.

"Almost two hundred years," Olaf replied.

Two hundred years. Her legs almost gave way beneath her. Only the danger of slipping and then falling down this eternal staircase gave her the strength to stay standing, at least for a while. The Queen of Arendelle sat down on the final step before the top of the staircase and gazed out the translucent tower walls through teary eyes. She could barely see the castle below them, much less the roofs of individual houses in the town anymore. They were much higher than she had ever been in her entire life, almost among the clouds. And it was all a lie. Whatever lay down there wasn't there any more, not like that at least. Two hundred years. She had been trapped in this nightmare for two hundred years.

After what seemed like eternity, which might as well have been, the snow queen stood up on the last step. She slowly took that final step and found herself in a small bell tower with a single door that must have led to some outdoor balcony. Alia gestured to the door, a simple wooden structure, odd to be found at the top of a mile-high tower made entirely of ice.

"What's out there?" Elsa asked the other woman.

"Answers. Decisions. Fate," Alia replied. Another cryptic answer, although Elsa had an idea what she had meant.

The snow queen walked up to the door and pushed it open. On the other side was indeed a rather large balcony of solid ice, much like an enlarged version of the one she had fashioned in her ice palace a few years ago - two hundred years ago, she realized. The sky was even more unmoving than before, locked in a perfect hue that seemed like someone had captured those few precious moments before sunset and froze them in the sky. An eternal heaven.

Olaf had been outside. He had been walking the world for over a hundred years. Elsa turned around, knelt down and held the snowman by the shoulders. "Tell me what happened? What happened to Anna? To Kristoff? To Arendelle?"

Alia crouched down beside her younger counterpart, looking intently at the snowman. It seemed like even her caretaker wasn't aware of this part of the story.

"She was a wonderful queen, known throughout the kingdom for her kind heart. Anna I of Arendelle lived a long and prosperous life, even long after relinquishing power to the people of Arendelle. The people loved her. Her funeral was a month long celebration of her reign, and her life. The only thing that eclipsed it was the year-long period of mourning for their beloved snow queen, decades prior."

Elsa savagely fought back her tears until Olaf had completed his story, recounting the many exploits of Queen Anna I, the last Queen of Arendelle. Though she had borne heirs, none of them ever took the highest position in the land, even relegated to a symbolic position. They kept the throne free to remember their mother, and their aunt who had disappeared long before they were born. The sister queens of Arendelle.

"Kristoff?" She was almost afraid to ask. The void in her chest contracted tightly, bringing the queen to her knees as she thought about her one true love. No matter what had happened out there in reality, she knew what she had felt for the ice master was real.

"Kristoff Bjorgman, prince-consort and royal ice master outlived the last queens of Arendelle. After the death of his beloved Queen Anna, he went back to his life in the mountains, never to be seen in public again." Olaf recounted. "At least not officially. He went home to his family, the trolls of the valley of the living rock. Their children, by then grown princes and princesses of Arendelle, visited every now and then. But Kristoff wasn't quite the same after Anna died." The snowman looked the snow queen in the eye. "Actually, even before that. He was never the same after that night. That night, Elsa. You know which one."

She had no idea what the snowman was talking about. Actually, outwardly she didn't, but there was a feeling in her gut. That night. When it all started. _Minner_. The bar. That was real. That had happened.

"What happened?" The snow queen asked. "To us? To me. What happened to me?"

"Do you really want to remember?" Alia grasped her ward's hand. There was a certain reluctance in the way her eyes twitched as she looked at Elsa. As if the other woman were also experiencing these memories for the first time. "Sometimes, ignorance can lead to the most blissful of existences."

Elsa looked straight into her confidante’s eyes. "Tell me everything."

"Do you remember, Elsa?" The woman she had thought was her lawyer looked her squarely in the eyes. "That night, at the tavern?" Alia wiped the black strands of hair over her eyes back over her head as she leaned in closer to the queen. "In a drunken fit, you let your innermost desires free and you propositioned your sister's lover."

Elsa shook her head and then started laughing as the images came back, piece-by-piece, filling in each and every hole in her fragmented memory. That night at _Minner_ had truly happened.

"The three of you fought. Words were thrown around. Harsh words never meant to be said between sisters." Alia gave life to still images already dancing in the snow queen's mind.

"I ran away," Elsa continued her counterpart's narrative as more details coalesced into solid figures in the fog of her mind. Memories of her flight from Arendelle slowly came back to her.

"You ran and ran," Alia kept going. "You ran all the way to and over the North Mountain," she said. "Into that castle of ice that you built the last time you felt as dejected and alone as you did that night." Her companion was looking intently at her, but the look on her face wasn't that of judgement. It was a look of pity. "There, in your fortress of solitude, under where a great chandelier had once hung, you laid down and cried yourself to sleep."

"But,” the snow queen continued. “Kristoff...didn't bring me back home, did he?" Elsa asked, trying to reconcile this version of events from the events in her memories. There were so many conflicting images, she couldn't be sure which were reality and which were mere fantasy.

"No, not that he didn't try. By the time he and Anna had followed your tracks to the palace, you were gone." Olaf interjected. "By the time _we_ got there," he corrected himself.

An image of a field of snow, far past the North Mountain, a landscape of icy rocks and steam came to her mind. A shore of darkness, and a river of ice. "I remember waking up." It was Elsa's turn. "Darkness. It was dark everywhere. And snowing. A snowstorm. Wait, no. It was me. I was the snowstorm." She looked up at Alia. "I kept on running."

"You ran, Elsa. You ran like you've never run before." Alia seemed to know details that even Elsa couldn't recall, despite being a figment of her mind. Or maybe it was precisely because she was what she was that her short-haired double was tapped into memories that were previously shielded from her. "When the blizzard you had unwittingly created became so strong that even you, its maker couldn't proceed, you took shelter in a small cave."

"I remember...a well. A well of stars." It was hazy in the queen's memories, but she remembered being at the bottom of a deep hole, and above her were the stars, tiny spots of light illuminating what was otherwise a bleak sky.

"Lying there on the cold, damp earth, alone, you looked up and saw the light from hundreds of fireflies seeking shelter from your blizzard."

Elsa felt sick to her stomach, remembering the wet ice on her cheek mingling with the taste of her own vomit. It was as if she was right there, lying on the cold, hard ground, staring upwards as a sea of lights reminded her of her own loneliness. She remembered the overwhelming feeling, the torrent of emotions threatening to crush her tiny heart. She remembered what she had decided was the only way to make the pain cease.

"I did kill someone after all, did I?" The snow queen looked at Alia and the snowman. Olaf nodded slowly. Alia simply looked at her with sad eyes. Elsa continued, the images in her mind slowly creeping towards the tip of her tongue. "Someone did die that night." Her voice disappeared into the featureless sky as it turned into a whisper of realization.

"It was me."

"Alone, dejected, you lost your will to live. Do you remember?" It was Alia's turn to narrate, having been inside the snow queen's head this entire time.

Elsa nodded silently.

Alia continued narrating a story that Elsa could now see as clearly as day. "With one final fit of anger and sorrow, of pure hopelessness and finality, you made a sliver of ice in your fist, and thrust it into the still-beating heart of the one and only person who you were sure still truly loved you."

"I froze myself."

The skies above them bathed the castle in an unearthly glow, casting crimson rays upon the snowcapped mountains that surrounded them. The snow queen stared off into the distance, towards a horizon hidden by rows upon rows of sharp alpine peaks and thick, lonely forests. Up here, high above the town and kingdom she had once called home, she felt just a little bit closer to heaven.

"Your sister eventually held a week long memorial when she finally gave up hope that you were still out there, waiting to return." Alia turned to look up and at the frozen skies around them. "The kingdom remained in mourning for a year. Anna, for much, much longer. Despite your differences and misunderstandings, she was a true sister."

"You were missed." Alia crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head as her brows knit together. It looked like even the stoic, stalwart woman was fighting back tears of her own. "It was Kristoff who never truly recovered. It was he that knew you best, Elsa. Like you, he never forgot that one night where true love seemed possible."

"Consequences, Elsa. It's the little things."

"The little things." Elsa stared off into the space between the two women, seeing every single loving moment between her and her ice master. Real moments. A slight touch. A hand on top of hers. The kiss. That night on the roof, when they stood on top of the world for a brief moment in time. Finally, she looked beyond, through teary eyes, as she met Alia's sympathetic gaze. "There's nothing bigger, is there?"

Alia looked back at her with a hint of a smile.

"And you, what's your story?"

"You died, Elsa." Alia's words were heavy with the truth and yet also of disbelief, as if her mental guide didn't fully accept or agree with what she had done. "And yet, as you started freezing into magical ice, there was a tiny cry. A cry for help so soft and faint that even the most sensitive ears could hardly notice. In that moment, a tiny part of you, the part that still believed in hope and redemption, in that infinitesimally small possibility that things might change for the better, took your mind and kept it safe."

"You."

Alia nodded, a sad smile on her lips. "You always envied Anna, your little sister. You envied the fact that she always had someone looking out for her. An older sister. A big sister." It suddenly made so much sense, why Alia looked exactly like her but a few years older, with different hair, and a wildly more confident demeanor. The snow queen's older sister bowed towards her younger sibling. "I'm here for you, as you were for her."

"So this," Elsa gestured around them, from the ice-capped mountains surrounding the base of the palace to the pastel-colored clouds that adorned the sky. "This is all because of you?"

"It's because of you," her companion answered in her usual cryptic fashion. "I'm the part of you that didn't want to give up, Elsa." Alia stood up straight, her arms out to her sides to emphasize their surroundings. "Together, we created this reality. This...alternate reality. A perfect world where you weren't turned down by Kristoff. A reality where Kristoff had come for you in your ice castle before you ran off into the unknown. A world where he brought you back and gave you the love you so sought after that was denied you."

Alia looked up with a tiny, sly smile. "A world where you weren't burdened with that which had been the cause of most of your life's complications."

 _'The world as you want it to be'_. Grand Pabbie's words echoed in her mind.

Elsa looked down at her hands, allowing Alia's words to sink in. So that was why she hadn't felt the magic in so long. Why it only seemed to manifest during times of great stress or duress. She focused her mind on the part of her that has always been with her for better or for worse. And then it was there, just like that. A snowball coalesced in the center of her palm as she felt the magic in her veins. In some way, the snow queen felt whole again.

"In this reality, when you collapsed in your ice palace, Kristoff found you and picked you up, brought you back home to the castle." Alia stated with a flourish. "That was where we made the splice."

"Splice?"

"A splice. Where the junction between life and dreams intersected. That moment, when a disembodied voice told you to open your eyes, was where the depressing bleakness of reality ended, and when forever began."

It was a bit too much to take. Elsa gripped the intricately formed handrails surrounding the balcony that they were standing on. Down below, Arendelle looked miniscule, far smaller than she remembered. The tower they were standing on felt like it was growing, ever so slowly.

"So I've been here seven times before?" She traced the intricate detailing on the railing with her thumb and forefinger. There was a certain sense of familiarity in how the icy details were etched and formed. The swirls and points, the tiny grooves all felt somewhat familiar.

"No," Alia shook her head. "This is the first time you've found out since you've been frozen. This is the first time you've been for lack of a better phrase, self-aware."

"What’s so special about this time? How come I'm learning about this now and the other Elsa’s didn't?" Elsa asked, genuine curiosity in her tone. "What was different this time around?"

"Me," Olaf the snowman waved his wooden hand up and out. "I was travelling the world, and this is the first time I've come back to Norway-ahem-Arendelle in a long time." He held his arms out to his sides. It reminded Elsa of how much Olaf liked warm hugs. Ironic really, for a man made entirely of snow. "I didn't realize it until now, but as part of your magic, I seem to be able to affect you from outside."

"I found you, Elsa." Olaf said. "After two hundred years, I found you. All I had to do, was look inside. Not outside." The snowman looked to be on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry it took this long."

Elsa stared at the diminutive snowman. If what he was saying was indeed true, then she tried not to dwell on the fact that a simple accident, a twist of fate, a snowman she had unknowingly created and imbued with a piece of her magic was her sole salvation. If not for him, she would still be blissfully unaware of the lie she was living. Had been living. Would have been living. Over and over again. For all eternity.

"So what now?" The snow queen asked after minutes of introspection.

Alia piped up, her eyes bright with an idea. "We can fix this!" She beamed. "Reset. Try again. You only have to say so. We can fix the dream."

"What happens?" The snow queen asked, unsure of what to make of the look on her older twin's face.

"You wake up in your ice palace. Kristoff will be standing over you, ready to bring you back to the castle." Alia was smiling as she said that, but there was no confidence behind that smile.

"Paradise in a bottle," the original snow queen mused.

"In a way."

"And then after?"

"You grow old together. You have children. After the years pass by, you die quietly in bed in each other's arms after a long and fulfilled life." Alia clasped her hands together. "No complications," Alia nodded towards Olaf, who shook his head disapprovingly.

"And...after?" Elsa didn't like the uneasiness with which Olaf was listening quietly to Alia's explanations.

"You wake up, Kristoff will be standing over you."

Elsa closed her eyes and imagined all the things she had ever dreamed of. From the time she was a little snow princess playing with her sister, through the years of isolation and concealment, and then all the way well after the Great Freeze and her newfound freedom. It could all be perfect, as perfect as the painted skies above them, a mirror of the skies that day in France when she had come close to tasting that freedom that she so longed for. No. It was a lie. It was as much a lie as the gloves she was forced to wear for years to conceal her powers. It was just a bigger glove.

"This," the snow queen stomped hard on the icy floor, causing a few cracks to form where the sharp heel of her shoe hit the crystalline surface. "This isn't real! This can't be real!"

"What is reality, really?" Alia threw her hands upwards in a motion of surrender. "Up until a short while ago, this was the only real you knew." She looked at her twin with exasperation.

"What if I say no?" Elsa looked around with frustrated eyes. "What if I don't want this?"

"You have to understand. You magicked yourself in the heart. You froze yourself." Olaf took Elsa's hand. "Like you froze your sister all those years ago. Do you remember what it took to reverse that?"

The queen nodded. The words came out just like it was just yesterday - that day on the fjord when together with Anna and Kristoff, they found the secret to neutralizing the effects of her ice magic. "Love. Only true love can thaw a frozen heart..." Her voice trailed off as the implications of their current situation hit her. "There's nobody out there for me, not anymore. There's nobody who loves me."

"Nobody else," Olaf nodded towards Elsa's raven-haired counterpart, a woman that could very well be her older sister, or an older, different version of herself.

"He's right," Alia walked up to the snow queen and placed her right palm flat on Elsa's chest, just below her neck, over where her heart was beating vigorously. "I love you, Elsa."

"But I thought you were just a part of me," the queen replied, confused.

Alia smiled. "Exactly."

Elsa shook her head, her brows contorting as she struggled with what her doppelganger was implying. "I don't love myself. I've never loved myself. I can't. I'm a horrible person."

"Me being here," Alia touched the tip of her index finger into Elsa's chest right over her heart, "...proves that you do. That a little part of you does."

"So you can bring me back.” It wasn’t her sister’s frozen form, slowly melting to reveal the person underneath, that came to mind. It wasn’t her own body, freed from the curse of the spirits deep in the bowels of Ahtohallan that was fresh in her memories. It was that one, special insect, all those years ago, whose image graced the snow queen’s mind. She looked at Alia. “Like Vani the _Crystyfy_?"

Alia nodded with a slight smile on her face. "Like Vani the _Crystyfy_."

The embattled snow queen turned to her snowman guide. "What do I do? What happens if I decide to wake up?"

"We wake you up. You wake up somewhere in the middle of what is now a place called Norway. I'll be right there with you, as I am right now." Olaf nodded. "I can probably guide you up to the nearest town. It won’t be that long a walk, especially with cars and roads now. Anything after that is entirely up to you."

Before the queen could respond, the snowman held a twiglike finger in front of her face. "Elsa, you have to understand. The world has changed." There was great concern in his eyes, something that seemed totally out of place considering how the queen had known the jolly, free-wheeling snowman over the years. "The world has become a less magical place."

It was Alia's turn to talk. "Two hundred years, Elsa. You won't be the queen of anything. Everyone you ever knew is gone. Arendelle isn't even a kingdom anymore. Nobody truly remembers the real you. Your descendants might recognize you, but I wouldn't bank on it right away. It's not going to be easy." There was a hint of something in her voice - fear? "We could just stay here," she suggested.

Olaf interrupted again before Elsa could say anything. "Oh, one more thing. You'll most probably lose your powers. You'll still be somewhat resistant to the cold - that's always been a part of you, but the whole ice magic thing?" Olaf shook his head. "This world is going to be much less magical than the one you left behind. Waking yourself up will most likely consume what little is left of that. I’ll be with you as long as I can. But that might not be that long too."

"Well? Live forever, or live...life." Alia stated, not as a question but more as a statement of reality. Of options. Of fate. "It's been a brilliant journey of self-awakening." Alia placed her hand on her younger sister’s shoulder. "You have to ask yourself. What is happiness to you, Elsa?"

"Live forever," Elsa's voice trailed off into a whisper, indistinguishable from the whistling of the wind through and around the icy railings that lined the tower roof. The snow queen of Arendelle looked wistfully at the perfect skies above her. They were as perfect as they ever could have been. Like an idyllic summer day. It didn't feel right. "Or live." She shook her head. "This," she swept her hand up and across the mauve sky, "...isn't life."

A memory, long lost, of a little girl and her caring father snuck up from the depths of her addled mind. She repeated those very same words her father had told her, an answer in response to her asking _'why?_ '. "Life isn't supposed to be perfect. Life is never perfect." Elsa turned around to face her guides. "This isn't life. Life is supposed to be filled with pain and tears. Little islets of bliss and happiness in a sea of sorrow."

Alia slowly nodded in agreement. "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour."

The queen grasped the thin balcony railing and pulled herself up to her feet with a strength she had never felt before. She tried not to look directly down so as not to trigger her vertigo, but she looked across the entire landscape. It was as unmoving as the skies above her, straight out of a painting, a mural that lay within the depths of her own mind.

Elsa made her decision.

"I want to live."

She gave words to the feeling that had been building up in her gut since they had started their ascent up that staircase of fate. "I want to live a real life." Her long, blonde braid swung down her shoulder and to her back as she spun to face her two companions. "I've been dreaming far too long," she gave the snowman a curt nod. "I want to wake up."

Unexpectedly, Alia rushed forward and threw her arms around the snow queen. The look on her face as her jet-black bangs swept around her eyes was a look that Elsa had never seen on her. It was a look of pure relief.

The snowman smiled as well. The look on his face told Elsa all she needed to know about what he wanted her to do.

"What do I do? How does this go?" The queen asked Olaf.

"First you gotta make peace with yourself," he replied. "I think you know what to do."

Elsa nodded. She closed her eyes and focused her mind, and her heart on the two new presences now walking up behind her. Two familiar essences that brought her to the brink of tears, yet she knew she had to remain strong for this, for as long as this took.

She slowly turned around, already knowing what - no - who she would see.

"Hey sis."

"Hey babe."

"H-hey," the queen stammered. There, standing side-by-side, was her sister and her ice master. Elsa felt the urge to run forward and wrap her arms around her sister, to apologize for all the things she had ever done to her over the years. She felt the urge to jump into Kristoff's arms and bury her head in the crook of his neck, a safe and secure place she had been to so many times and yet none at all.

She stopped in her tracks and squinted, carefully examining every detail of her sister, from the individual strands of her blue, bunad skirt all the way to each individual freckle across her button-like nose. She did the same thing with Kristoff, picking out every individual strand of fur lining his woodsman's coat. She gazed intently at the loose clumps of dirty blonde hair that peeked out from under his woolen cap.

The two were exactly as Elsa remembered them to be, and now she knew why. Exactly as she had stored their very essences in her memories, given life by her imagination, in this world that was of her own making.

Collecting herself, the snow queen of Arendelle walked up to her sister and put her arms around her sister's thin waist. Anna embraced her back, resting her pointed chin on her older sister's shoulder.

"I missed you, sis." The princess of Arendelle let out a sniffle as she dug her cheek into her older sister's neck.

Elsa's voice came out as a whisper, which was already as loud as she could muster given what she was saying. "Anna. I am so terribly sorry," she started. "I tried to take your happiness away from you. And I ended up taking ours. All of ours. I broke our family."

Anna put her hands on her sister's shoulders and pushed just enough that they were now standing face-to-face, give or take the few inches that the queen was taller than her sister. "No. I don't forgive you." Before Elsa could react, the princess continued. "I don't forgive you because there's nothing to forgive. We're sisters, remember?" Anna's freckles caught more of that artificial sunshine as her cheeks bunched up into a smile. "Life's too short. Too short to spend feeling sorry about things you've done. Mistakes you've already learned from."

Elsa had to close her eyes to prevent her tears from escaping, and yet a single one still managed to squeeze out and roll down her left cheek. "But Kristoff-"

"-is right here," her sister interrupted. "If you have something more to say, you can tell him yourself. But between us there is nothing, nothing to apologize for."

The snow queen nodded, her mouth in a grimace as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. Her sister smiled, turned her sideways and pushed her towards the ice master, who readily took the queen into his waiting arms.

Elsa held Kristoff's hands as she looked upwards into his deep brown eyes. The warmth of his palms spread upwards to her arms like a torrent of water refilling a dry riverbed. She felt her heart beating furiously against the inside of her chest, each thump seemingly making the ice crystals that hung from the front of her dress quiver just a little bit.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Elsa's voice cracked. "Look at us. I'm frozen and you're dead." The queen shook her head at the ridiculousness of the situation. "And I love you," she added.

"It's a problem," Kristoff smiled and pulled his snow queen into an embrace.

"I lost you when I left that bar." She leaned into her ice master’s body. It was as soft and warm as she remembered, so many times before, some real and most not. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. Kristoff hugged her back as tight as ever, his ungloved hands digging into the small of her back pulling the lovers closer together.

"I guess, this is goodbye." The queen spoke slowly, knowing if her words came out any faster that they would have been accompanied by a torrent of tears.

"No, not goodbye." Kristoff buried his nose in Elsa's hair, and she felt him breathe in her scent. "Just, _'I'll see you later.'_ "

Elsa bit her lip hard, but the taste of blood wouldn't come out. "Later is an awfully long time," she managed to whisper. "Too long." The two lovers remained locked together for an eternity, while the world waited patiently.

Kristoff held Elsa's shoulders out at arm's length and looked straight into her deep blue eyes. She struggled to keep standing without being drawn in to his deep brown ones. The queen felt like a little girl again, before Anna’s accident, without a care in the world.

"Elsa. Live. Live a long life. I want you to live a very, very long and amazing life. Can you promise me that?"

"I-I don't know," the queen stammered. "I don't think I can without you-" Elsa turned her head towards her smiling sister, "-both of you around."

"Elsa, look at me." The ice master's grip on her shoulders grew just a bit stronger. "Look at me." Kristoff stared into her eyes like he was looking through them and straight at her soul. "Never give up. On anything. On yourself. Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."

Elsa let his words wash over and around her as she closed her eyes and fell back into his arms. She nodded silently. After what seemed like forever and yet not long enough, she extricated herself from his embrace.

Elsa stepped back and let her vision sweep over the two most important people in the world to her. She could taste a rawness in her mouth as she bit down on her lower lip. She would never see them again.

"We'll always be here," as if the princess could read her mind, Anna tapped her index finger on the side of her older sister's temple, right above and in front of where her thick blonde hair sat on the top of her ear. "Just think of us and we're as good as there."

"And here," Kristoff said softly as he placed his warm palm onto the center of Elsa's chest between her breasts, right over where her heart lay beating. The smile that Elsa found upon her ice master's face filled her with such warmth, a kind of good warmth she hadn't felt in over a hundred years.

The queen extended her arms outwards and pulled her family close for one last, final embrace. The warmth from their bodies felt hot enough to thaw an entire palace of ice. Already, Elsa could feel a comfortable burning sensation in her chest. It was like a tiny pinprick of light, a rekindled ember that was slowing growing into a fiery blaze. It was starting.

"It's time," Olaf's voice accompanied a slight tap on her back. Elsa turned around, looked down and gripped the wooden twiglike fingers of Olaf's hand. She held on tightly as he led her away from the royal family and towards the sky. Together, they approached the edge of the balcony where Alia was waiting, standing on a part of the railing that was conveniently wide enough to stand on safely.

"What do I do?" Elsa asked.

The diminutive snowman smiled up at the queen as he pointed beyond the balcony, towards the eternal sunrise and its pastel-colored clouds. "You jump." He nodded at the queen's raven-haired twin. "You both jump." He turned to the queen.

"I'll catch you on the other side," the snowman quickly added in response to the look of incredulity on the queen's face. It seemed like a pretty counter-intuitive act, almost suicidal. Elsa gulped. If this were real, it would definitely be suicidal. She stopped just short of the edge as the world threatened to spin beneath her.

The queen's eyes grew wide as she looked down over the ice railing that prevented her, Alia and the snowman from toppling over to their demise. They were so high up, she couldn't properly see the bottom of the tower, or the palace it was connected to, or even the mountain, where she had built this castle centuries ago. Arendelle was nothing but a tiny little speck miles beneath her feet. It was way higher than she remembered, much higher. The queen felt a churning in her stomach. Her knees buckled under her insignificant weight. It was a long way down. All it would take was a single step, and it would all be over, if not one way then another. Suicidal.

"Wait!" The snow queen shouted and turned around. It hit slowly, the realization that these were the last moments she had with the people she loved, in this life at least.

Elsa rushed back and jumped into Kristoff's waiting arms, pressing her thin lips against his. The former mountain man reciprocated, meeting Elsa's tongue with his own. They kissed like the lovers they never truly were, kissing for an eternity, for time had no meaning in this hallowed place.

Trying to hold back her tears, she eased herself down and then walked to her sister. Without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around the younger princess and grabbed her tight.

Without another word, she turned back towards her final destination. As the queen was walking back to the precipice, now devoid of any railing that might prevent her from reaching her chosen destiny, she glanced back at the two people that meant the world to her.

"I'll see you two again." Her voice had lost all of its trembling uncertainty, brimming with newfound confidence and even what might have been genuine bravado.

"Don't hurry." Anna pulled the ice master close and the two lovers held hands as they had so many times before in Elsa's memories. Elsa looked at the image of her sister and her Kristoff, back in each other's arms as it had always been meant to be. A match made in heaven. She sighed. A mortal ice queen had no right to sunder what fate had brought together.

"I'll see you in another life," Kristoff shouted with a smile.

"When we are both reindeer." Elsa completed.

"Better than people." Anna added.

The queen nodded, smiled, then took a few steps toward the edge.

Alia gestured towards certain death as she held out her hand for the snow queen to take. "Goodbye, Elsa. I hope you never need to see me again."

"Are you ready?" Olaf asked.

She stood with her ankles together, the cape of her ice dress fluttering in the strong winds as Elsa spread her arms sidewards and outwards. Eyes closed, she bent her neck upwards and felt the rays of eternal sunlight on her face, a certain kind of warmth that caressed her skin like fingers of light. For a single moment, she could hear nothing. Anna and Kristoff behind her, Alia and Olaf beside her, the howling of the wind, the birds, nothing. Nothing but the sound of her own heart lightly tapping the inside of her chest like a trapped child.

Elsa leapt.

* * *

_'Do the magic!'_ A tiny voice shouted.

 _'Fear will be her enemy'_ An old man advised.

 _'The gloves will help.'_ An older man said.

 _'Conceal, don't feel.'_ A lonely princess lamented.

 _'Do you want to build a snowman?'_ A young child asked.

 _'Don't let them know.'_ A woman whispered.

 _'Let it go.'_ A woman said.

 _'Monster!'_ An old man screamed.

 _'Let it go.'_ A woman sang.

 _'Love will thaw a frozen heart.'_ A soothing voice said.

 _'Let it go.'_ A woman shouted.

_'Let it go.'_

_'Let go, Elsa.'_

* * *

From the beyond the utter darkness of eternity, a familiar voice echoed against the boundless walls of her mind and tickled her ears.

"Elsa."

"Open your eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you haven't pieced it together already, yes, this story is based on one of my favorite movies: Vanilla Sky. My intention from the start was creating a Frozen-fied version of the story, including iconic scenes and incorporating memorable lines. I hope I did the movie and the story justice. It's been a brilliant journey of self awakening. I hope you enjoyed this adventure with me.


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